disagreement over how to address invites - opinions needed!!

My mom and I are disagreeing on how to address certain people's invitations and I was hoping I could get some opinions on what everyone else is doing....

The thing is I have a handful of older family members, aunts and uncles mostly, and FH's grandmother, who are older adults like over the age of 50 and are single either were never married or are widowed and are not in relationships right now. (FH's grandmother actually might have a boyfriend but we need to find out for sure). The questions is - do we put 'and guest' on all of their invitations?

My mom said no. She first said it was like rubbing it in that they didn't have a guest. So then I said, but what if they DO have a guest? (FH's grandmother being my example) I don't have time to call everyone I know who is single to ask them if they are dating someone that I haven't met yet. Also, one person has her adult sons living with her and they are getting invited with a guest on their invitations, so it just didn't seem right to me that her sons were invited with a guest and she wasn't. So then my mom said it's obvious that some of the older people are not going to bring a guest like her, or my great aunt, so why even put it on the invite because that's tacky to do so. I thought it was the 'formal' thing to do, but I could be wrong.

What is everyone else doing in these situations?? Anyone have any thoughts on this?

2014er crashing
If you have the ability to invite them with a guest I would do it. You're not rubbing it in if they don't have a guest you're being courteous in case they do. Especially if you're inviting their adult children with a guest, they might get insulted if you don't invite them with one as well.

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Posted by Stephanie621

I would determine it on an individual basis. For me, I had a couple of family members that I didn't invite to my e-party with a guest & don't plan on doing so for the wedding. Just because I know they won't be bringing anyone and I felt it was rude or like your mom said tacky to do so. For example, my great aunt is going to be 100 this year and shes a widow, a cousin of mine was never married and is older so I didn't invite her with a guest to my e-party but I will be asking my mom what she thinks for the wedding bc she may want to bring a close friend with her. A close family friend of FH is a recent widow so I feel it may upset her. I wouldn't make a standard across the board IMO.

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that is true... what about this situation where the single lady lives with her 2 sons. one son has a girlfriend and the other has dated someone on and off so i planned on inviting them with guests... so would you invite her with a guest too in this situation? I mean she is probably going to see her sons invitations. It just seems weird to me like your kids can bring a guest but you can't...

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Posted by DharmaColbie86

I am only including a guest for those I know have a serious relationship/spouse/fiance etc. I can't afford to have my single friends bring someone just for fun and those older folk I'm not including and guest. I think if your unsure it's better NOT to put it and have someone ask then make someone upset for adding it just in case.

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Totally Agree!

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Posted by natalierose1085

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Posted by Stephanie621

I would determine it on an individual basis. For me, I had a couple of family members that I didn't invite to my e-party with a guest & don't plan on doing so for the wedding. Just because I know they won't be bringing anyone and I felt it was rude or like your mom said tacky to do so. For example, my great aunt is going to be 100 this year and shes a widow, a cousin of mine was never married and is older so I didn't invite her with a guest to my e-party but I will be asking my mom what she thinks for the wedding bc she may want to bring a close friend with her. A close family friend of FH is a recent widow so I feel it may upset her. I wouldn't make a standard across the board IMO.

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that is true... what about this situation where the single lady lives with her 2 sons. one son has a girlfriend and the other has dated someone on and off so i planned on inviting them with guests... so would you invite her with a guest too in this situation? I mean she is probably going to see her sons invitations. It just seems weird to me like your kids can bring a guest but you can't...

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For her I would include a guest just to let her feel equal.
I know I'm going to be going through this myself this upcoming week when it's time to address the envelopes. When I made the guest list I figure that older people/ widows do not get +1 unless I know they have someone they want to bring. Otherwise, it's just anyone younger who may have someone to bring, can.
Of course, if it's in your budget!!

Hmm it seems to make the most sense to determine it on an individual basis for any older relatives who are not married.

Thank you for all of the advice!

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Posted by Shanti12

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Posted by natalierose1085

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Posted by Stephanie621

I would determine it on an individual basis. For me, I had a couple of family members that I didn't invite to my e-party with a guest & don't plan on doing so for the wedding. Just because I know they won't be bringing anyone and I felt it was rude or like your mom said tacky to do so. For example, my great aunt is going to be 100 this year and shes a widow, a cousin of mine was never married and is older so I didn't invite her with a guest to my e-party but I will be asking my mom what she thinks for the wedding bc she may want to bring a close friend with her. A close family friend of FH is a recent widow so I feel it may upset her. I wouldn't make a standard across the board IMO.

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that is true... what about this situation where the single lady lives with her 2 sons. one son has a girlfriend and the other has dated someone on and off so i planned on inviting them with guests... so would you invite her with a guest too in this situation? I mean she is probably going to see her sons invitations. It just seems weird to me like your kids can bring a guest but you can't...

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For her I would include a guest just to let her feel equal.
I know I'm going to be going through this myself this upcoming week when it's time to address the envelopes. When I made the guest list I figure that older people/ widows do not get +1 unless I know they have someone they want to bring. Otherwise, it's just anyone younger who may have someone to bring, can.
Of course, if it's in your budget!!

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Yeah I think I will invite her with a guest to be polite. One or two extra plus ones aren't going to make or break the cost of the wedding and I'd rather not hurt a family members feelings. There are some other older relatives who are single that I don't have to invite with guests.