Haven't posted in a few days. I was just so upset and embarassed that I couldn't bring myself to tell you ladies.
Tuesday night, 12 days before the wedding, my Mom who has been footing almost the entirety of the bill for the wedding, announced she could not pay for anything else, and that the CH alone is still owed over $8,000!
The total amount outstanding is about 10k, and FH and I do not happen to have that money floating around. We are in a panic. We have cancelled our honeymoon, and asked FILs to give us the entirety of our gift in advance, but have no idea if this is going to cover all that plus the incidental last minute expenses we are all so familliar with.
Perhaps the worst part of all was HOW she did it: with a sense of entitlement. I understand if she feels that other parties should have contributed more, but perhaps that is something to have been addressed MONTHS ago, when we all could have saved up for it. She was disrespectful and humilation to myself and my FH, which in turn infuriated his parents, whose house we were all at to have dinner.
To top it all off, we found out that she lied about how much she had paid toward the wedding to the tune of about $9k! And she would not give it to us straight about exactly how much was owed, either! She claims she 'didn't know.' How could that POSSIBLY be? How could you throw a wedding, sign contracts, pay money, and not realize how much it costs?
I don't want my mom to not pay her mortgage, or my little sister not to return to private school in the fall, but I also want to be able to go to school and pay my rent!
I am utterly freaking out....
BethGail
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
oh i am SO sorry. i dont even know what to say except i am sorry.
You cant get a credit card in a week (where you would actually have it and be able to use it) I agree with others about asking if her she can lay it out (her credit cards maybe) and if you and FH have room on your CC use that and then use gifts to pay it off. Do you work for the type of company that would give you an advance on your salary (every little bit counts)
Once again i am SO sorry. Don't be embarassed about it...it isnt your fault.
Smile
Once again, I am sorry. I hope everything works out
butterfly20
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
id probably say anything over his parents gift that you still need ask them for a loan, you can give them some money after the reception then take out a loan for the rest.....
myasmom
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
DH friend took some money out of his 401K..do you have that option..you will pay yourself back over time.
I am, soooooo sorry to hear this
sharon188
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
I can't offer any advice that is different from what all the good hearted ladies here have given. I just want to wish you the best of luck and hope this all works out so that you have a beautiful wedding and a fabulous start to your new life.
I'll be saying a prayer that it will all be okay for you.
MrsK-in-June05
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
I am very good at borrowing money quickly! I am so happy I read this, FH and I had to $13K for a funeral the same time we paid for rent. First, ask a close relative (preferably a rich relative who would not notice the money missing for a few months) to lend you the money and tell them you will pay it back ASAP. I took 4 months to pay my aunt and uncle and back. They actually forgot about lending me the money. AND, we were not best of friends prior to the occassion..so that is not a pre-req. I think we spoke once a year, when my Grandma went there for Thanksgiving, lol. Don't fake tears and don't beat around the bush, just come flat out to Aunt or Cousin Richie Rich. Second, I don't know what kind of company you work at..but if it is not a Corporate America type and you are close with your boss, ask them. My boss came up with emergency money for some issues I had. FH did not have a job and well, I did not know the meaning of saving money at the time. Took me 8 months to pay him back, I paid him back like $500 a month. Last option I have for you...the one that I hate and makes me wanna hurl, credit card with low apr that allows you to transfer everything and you know where this going...so enuff about this.
I am sure I can come up with other ideas..but just try my first one, it sounds awful..but trust me no matter what your family loves you and wants you to have a fab wedding!!
You will be fine. Everything happens for a reason and will work out the way it is supposed to.
LadyPrincess
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
Glad your able to share with us
I agree with the ladies - try with other family memebers first to get some immediate CASH then try for a loan for the balance. Talk to the Catering hall see if u can cut out anything
Dont worry abt HM for now - you can do it up for 1st Anny
Yr wedding will happen - we are all praying fr you&FH
keohime
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long)
Thank you all so much for your support!!
Here is an update:
I have tried to cut out a lot of little things from the wedding (bathroom baskets, the extra hour at the CH, some of the flowers, the more expensive lingere) and that has, surprisingly saved me about $700 already - not much, but a start.
FH's parents are saving us almost single handedly. They are coming up with around $4k that they are willing to kick in toward the wedding, and they are giving us our entire wedding gift early - which turns out to be $5,000!!! I had no idea! so, that puts us up to 9k, with only about a thousand short.
We are thinking that we could credit card THAT, and it wouldn't be SUCH a big deal.
Ladies, I think this wedding is going to happen after all!!
Now, the only question is - how to deal with my mother? She sent me a list of songs with dedications she wants played at the wedding last night. And she told my sister that she wants an apology. From ME?! Let me assure you, and I had three other witnesses there (including a psychologist) that now think she literally has an emotional disorder because there was nothing - absolutely nothing - I said that was inflmatory or disrespectful. In fact, I hardly spoke at all!
And to top it all off, she now doesn't want to sit in the same room as FFIL!! So, she is saying she won't come to the rehersal dinner. OH COME ON!!!
JP&EP
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
I'm happy that your future in laws came through for you. Sorry about how your mother's is acting. I'm sure you are quite relieved that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
september2004
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
glad to hear things are working out...
with respect to your mother, i would say try not to aggravate her and be the 'bigger person' - appease her to a certain degree. if she is emotionally unstable you can't be rational with her, it won't work. i would try not to take the things she says and does personally and continue with the planning. 'throw her a bone' here and there to make YOUR LIFE easier. the last thing you want to happen is escalate things and her make a scene on the big day...
palebride
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
soooo glad it all worked out moneywise.....it's gret to have that taken care of. and i thnk, after all of this is over with, you and your mother need to find out what is really bothering her and why she is acting this way...it's not the normal behaviour of a mother....and i'm a little worried about her, as i'm sure you are as well good luck!!
lorsin
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
Posted by september2004
glad to hear things are working out...
with respect to your mother, i would say try not to aggravate her and be the 'bigger person' - appease her to a certain degree. if she is emotionally unstable you can't be rational with her, it won't work. i would try not to take the things she says and does personally and continue with the planning. 'throw her a bone' here and there to make YOUR LIFE easier. the last thing you want to happen is escalate things and her make a scene on the big day...
I agree, except I would make sure that post-wedding & HM you have a serious sit-down with her and talk about what this did to you and how you can both get past it.
I'm so glad to hear you found the money somewhere so you can still have your dream day! I'm sure it will be terrific and none of this will enter your mind!!
LIJuneBride
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
Happy to hear all is working out. I think you should probably appease your mother for the wedding because if you don't, she may just make a scene and that would be worse for you. But I have a question... if she won't sit in the same room as FFIL, where is she going to sit at the wedding?
jvs77
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
I'm so glad your money troubles have been worked out! (And so quickly too!) That is wonderful news!!!
I'm really sorry about how your mom is handling things. As hard as it is, try not to let it get you down. Maybe a few more meetings with the counselor will help to straighten things out with her. But, regardless of the outcome, you and your FH will have a beautiful wedding day with your loved ones - nothing will ever change that!
JimmysBride
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
Wow what a scare!!! I'm glad everything seems to be working out!!
BriBri529
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
I am glad to hear everything worked out for you in terms of money for your wedding.
In regards to your mom, I really don't know what to say. It is difficult to have a 'difficult' parent. I am sorry I do not have advice for you on that end, but do hope that everything works out !
Summer05
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Re: Disaster Strikes! (Long) - Updated (p2)
I am so glad to hear that things worked out financially for you guys! I don't really know what to say about your mother other than the reason she does not want to see FIL's is because she is extremely embarrassed about the situation.
