I may be really anti wedding right now or just really pessimistic but....the divorce rate in this country is really high, so does that mean that at least a percent of us will be divorced eventually? Sorry to be gloomy, but it was on my mind. It just seems that wedding planning is so superficial and the important thing is to focus on the relationship. Will having the best florist or the most romantic cake cutting song make a lasting relationship???! I know people who have been together for years and have wonderful relationships and they eloped! I also know people who had amazing weddings and they are divorced! I think I will take a time out from wedding planning because my enthusiasm has really been non-existent lately.
hsacks23r
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Re: Divorce
think happy thoughts happy thoughts
mtdr1106
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wow - that is morbid!! LOL
don't worry about it too much - everything changes in life - but you have to enjoy the now and if right now you enjoy planning the biggest best wedding - then do it. the most romantic flowers will NOT save a marriage - but you will always remember - they were really romantic.
worry about what the future holds later.
SuzBride
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Re: Divorce
That is so funny cause I was just thinking about the divorce rate this morning (random - yes!) My uncle/aunt just got divorced last year after 30+ years - it is so scary (btw - he is now remarried to someone 20 years his minor ).
I just heard it was 40 or 50% of marriages that end in divorce (lower on LI though!) - so that would mean almost 1 or every 2 LIW girls will get a divorce one day - it is so so scary. It makes me a bit nauseus to be truthful.... I hope me and FH make it forever
Blu-ize
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I guess you can say that the glass is half full or half empty. If it makes you feel any better, there are some people that never should have married. Some instances could be:
Married for money Married because of a child(ren) Married too young One of the two got involved with drugs
There could be so many reasons. If you are marrying for the right reasons you have a better chance than most.
SuzBride
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Posted by Blu-ize
Married too young
Yeah I read the divorce rate is higher in the south cause people tend to get married much younger (for religious and financial reasons).
JessicaM.
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now matter the circumstances of your wedding, there is always a chance for divorce
Oscar Wilde once said 'marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence'
your relationship is something that should be worked on forever....you should be in it for the LONG LONG haul- and go in knowing that there WILL BE rough times.
yes, divorce is a possiblity, but you should never deny yourself the pleasure of life because of fear of how it will turn out.
Feel better. Good Luck, and remember...you are with a person that cannot imagine his life without you right now....don't deny yourselves that triumph!
Noiva06
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At Precana this past weekend, they told us that 52% of the our class would be divorced WITHIN 10 YEARS!! It's scary, but in 2016, half of us will be divorced...
SIBride06
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Im sorry you feel so not in the mood to plan your wedding, but although statistics say that the divorce rate is high, you shouldn't let that bother you.. If you love your FI.. the word 'divorce' should never even come across your mind regardless of what statistics say. Who cares anyway? If one day things go bad in the marriage and your relationship falls apart.. then you can think about divorce, but not now. You should enjoy your engagement.. enjoy planing your wedding (although its not always fun!!) For me.. this has been the best months of my life and Im so happy I have you girls to share this wonderful time in my life with. Think about the present.
I wish you the best of luck.. dont let anything get you down.
cindyandkevin
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Re: Divorce
It's def a good idea to take a break from wedding planning and focus on your relationship. Make sure that your marriage is at the forefront of your intentions and that the wedding is just something 'nice' the 2 of you are doing.
You're right, the divorce rate in the coutry right now is 1 out of every 2 marriages. Sorry ladies, it's true, some of us will end up in divorce court.
My parents are divorced and my dad remarried. My FH's parents are divorced and they both remarried. My FH himself is divorced and (obviously) he's getting married again!
It's a difficult circumstance for everyone involved, but it certainly isn't the end of the world!! Keep your head up and work towards a happy life together, don't let 'what might happen' scare you away from a bright future!!
mtdr1106
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Posted by JessicaM.
now matter the circumstances of your wedding, there is always a chance for divorce
Oscar Wilde once said 'marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence'
your relationship is something that should be worked on forever....you should be in it for the LONG LONG haul- and go in knowing that there WILL BE rough times.
yes, divorce is a possiblity, but you should never deny yourself the pleasure of life because of fear of how it will turn out.
Feel better. Good Luck, and remember...you are with a person that cannot imagine his life without you right now....don't deny yourselves that triumph!
that was beautiful!! and i agree - marriage is something you need to work at.
kellwolfe
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Re: Divorce
I hear you honey - My mom had a big wedding the 1st time .......and a very small wedding the 2nd time - as a matter of fact my sister and i were her wedding party -
I think that people are waiting long then they used to - having longer engagements and just getting married older - i have a feeling that the divorce rate will drop
its sad to say but i am sure that some of us on this site will be divorced -
my one girlfriend that is divorced said that she new that there was things that weren't right in there relationship but she just go so into planning that she let it go -
As long as you dont loose site of why your doing this - and you and your FH take time out to get back to basics (not meaning you all of us in general) i think that everything will be just fine
CaMacho
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The divorce rate is very high, but you can't think of that. Out of all my 7 BM's only 2 of their parents are still married... my parents are divorced too and dad is remarried. It was good for them, they just grew apart, but are still GREAT friends.
We know we want to be together FOREVER, but things change, people change and you sometimes can't help that. But, just know that your relationship is strong and you will do anything to make your marriage last!!!
conigs25
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Just to add my thoughts, dont you think w/ some divorced people, you could 'see it coming' all along? I mean, there hasnt been anyone i know who is divorced that it wasnt apparent before they got married. Some people still live in the bubble that marriage will fix their problems. If there are troubles before the marriage, no trust, no communication, no respect, that isnt going to change bc youre married.
marymoon
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Well my parents are now getting divroced after 32 years of marriage, so I'm with you on the pessimism. I'm also rehtinking the whole big wedding thing. I really want to take time out and think of what's really going to make us happy. I don't think a $50K tab is going to lead to anything but stress. In terms of the right thing to do and the wrong thing, like getting married too young, too old, eloping vs havng a church wedding or something, so many people who did it the 'right' way are divorced. So I woudln't worry too much about the right way. I heard that when my cousin got married a few years ago, she didn't wear a veil, she saw hubby ahead of time, etc, and her mom said 'so many people do it the 'right' way and get divorced so it doens't matter.' That has REALLY stuck with me in the whole wedding thing. Also in terms of children. Everyone's telling us we're going to screw our kids up by raising them in and interfaith hosuehold, but so many kids who are raised in single faith families are screwed up, so much goes into a successful marriage and happy children that one aspect isn't actually going to make a difference in the long run. You have to do what's right for you.
glinda_goodwitch
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Posted by conigs25
Just to add my thoughts, dont you think w/ some divorced people, you could 'see it coming' all along? I mean, there hasnt been anyone i know who is divorced that it wasnt apparent before they got married. Some people still live in the bubble that marriage will fix their problems. If there are troubles before the marriage, no trust, no communication, no respect, that isnt going to change bc youre married.
Exactly. My neighbors got divorced after 30 years of marriage. My mom and the wife were talking on the phone shortly after, and she said that she just thought that things would change with marriage. She thought that she could make him change, and after all that time realized she couldn't. I assume that he wasn't the type of person she wanted to marry, but she thought she could change him into that person. I bet this happens alot.
Goldi1021
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I have never been fearful of divorce. My parents were married 49 years this past May. My brother was divorced once and remarried. He never was afraid to remarry because he knew that marriage was the best way for him to maintain HIS idea of family. Divorce rates don't scare me. LIFE scares me. One never knows will come in the future that could throw wrenches in the plan of 'forever'. I want a family with my own children. I would never have a child without being married. FH is the only man in my life that I would ever want to spend my life with and be the father of my children. Life is a gamble. Marriage is part of the gamble I want to chance!
LaurenluvsTJ
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I think a big mistake a lot of women make is they get so caught up in the 'wedding' that they forget there is a marriage that comes with the wedding. A friend of mine got married to the totally wrong person. She turned out to be a psycho and really never wanted to get married in the first place, but when she saw that sparkly diamond, just had to say yes. He just got engaged last week to the absolute perfect woman for him. How fancy the wedding is has nothing to do with what kind of marriage you will have. I think its really important for all of us to step back from the planning sometimes and just realize that we are getting married and committing ourselves to spend the rest of our lives with this one person. I know I do that and to think about that makes me happier than any wedding dress or centerpiece ever could.
M&S Sept12006
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Wow! All of you ladies gave a real piece of wisdom and I couldnt agree with you more. We all get caught up in the whole wedding planning shmanning that we forget to look at our relationships sometimes. But I think that is because we're all happy in our relationships and are now at the point of planning our weddings, and of course its not worth turning into bridezillas but I think the whole palnning thing is just a big fun girlie thing to do. Whether you decide to have a small wedding or a huge wedding, or elope or whatever, as long as you're happy with your relationship and the decision that you have made thats all that should matter. And as far as the statistics go, you also have to look at the fact that a lot less people are getting married these days. So although the statistics may indicate that 50% of the married couples get divorced, you also have to examine the marriage rates statistics. Feel better and be happy!
LMFitz
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Re: Divorce
The high possibility of divorce is an unfortunate reality - though I'm not fearful at all. I come from a divorced household, and I wouldn't be entering into marriage if I didn't know with complete confidence, that we are committed to being together for life.
My FI is just finishing up the NYS Trooper Academy, and their statistic is that 75% of Troopers get divorced - so we're fighting even tougher stats.
We'll be just fine though - - like someone else pointed out - age plays a big factor (we're both 30+ and know what we want).
