Divorce

My parents are married after 38 years, FH's parents are still married after 33 years. Neither one of us believes in divorce, except in extreme circumstances. (abuse, drugs, no trust or respect)

You have to remember that marriage is like a job. You have to work at it to get it right. A lot of people think that getting married solves all problems. A lot of people don't let their SO see their true selves until after the wedding. And this is the wrong thing to do.

Also getting married for all the wrong reasons is another problem, (that girl on Bridezillas who got married after a few dates comes to mind....)

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Posted by mtdr1106

i couldn't imagine giving someone 30 years of my life and then having it be over.

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I agree.

JMO- but i think that the fact you are thinking about this is so important and a sign that your head is in the right place - its not about the 5 hour event its about the commitment 'until death do us part' and i think your absolutely right alot of people get lost in the planning and excitement of the wedding. i saw a few minutes of bridezillas this weekend and was appalled at how the girl went $69,000 in debt to pay for her wedding!!

I'm 22 years old and on several occassions when people realized I am engaged they presented me with a statistic that 1 in every 5 young marriages end in divorce - however, i do think a more powerful statistic is that 4 out of 5 marriages last!!!!

Life doesn't always work out the way we hope - i think taking a break may be a good idea- my FI and I have taken a few short breaks from wedding planning ourselves like this weekend we went camping and didnt even think about the wedding plans! For us it is our promise to grow old together and love each other regardless of what hardships cross our path in the future!

It is important not to let the day get in the way of the reason or purpose of the day!

Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing! Think positive!

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

I think a big mistake a lot of women make is they get so caught up in the 'wedding' that they forget there is a marriage that comes with the wedding.
A friend of mine got married to the totally wrong person. She turned out to be a psycho and really never wanted to get married in the first place, but when she saw that sparkly diamond, just had to say yes.
He just got engaged last week to the absolute perfect woman for him.
How fancy the wedding is has nothing to do with what kind of marriage you will have. I think its really important for all of us to step back from the planning sometimes and just realize that we are getting married and committing ourselves to spend the rest of our lives with this one person. I know I do that and to think about that makes me happier than any wedding dress or centerpiece ever could.

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I agree and often think we should somehow be encouraging eachother and 'planning' together for our marriages, not just the wedding day.. Our society has created a disillusioned view of matrimoney. Now a days w/ Pre-nups and divorces, 'out clauses' are acceptable, and the 'norm'... My FI parents are in the middle of a divorce right now after 30 years... what I have realized is that if you don't nip your problems in the bud and work through them, talk throught them, try and change YOURSELF not eachother, then you will truely be attempting to live out the 'till death do us part' that you vow to live by for the rest of your life.

and just to add one more thing.

TO LOVE-- is to complete an action, it is a VERB, not just a 'noun' ..

in other words we have to constantly work at it.

Yes, the divorce rate is sobering, but it's also inflated - the % is not nearly as high for first marriages. A good chunk of the % is people getting divorced and remarried more than once. So, hopefully that's encouraging.

And, as has already been said - lots of people get married for the wrong reasons - from comfort, to money, to children, to fear of being alone, to many other things.

After reading this post, I feel very much encouraged - it sounds like there are a lot of mature women out here making smart and informed choices and who realize that getting married is not just a wedding, but a marriage and making a life together and that that requires work and lots of it. I know many of us grew up hearing that love conquered all, but I don't think that's true - I think you need a lot more than that, and I think we've found it and that's why we're here planning our weddings, and our marriages.

Everyone has made some great points.

My parents have been married for 33 years (after knowing each other for a few months!) and FH's parents are both divorced and remarried, and are very happy with their new partners. It seems like many of you are secure in your relationships, and to me, the wedding planning is just a nice extra. Why not throw a nice big beautiful party to celebrate with family and friends? Sure, we obsess over what may be silly in the grand scheme of things, but as long as it doesn't take over our lives, make us too unhappy and doesn't overshadow the actual marriage, then that's fine.