divorced child

long story short..my parents have been divorced for years and have not spoken and it was nasty.
My dad's attitude toward the wedding is cool and whatever I need to make me happy the day of the wedding he will do...Nice of him and very kind.
My mom YELLED at me that I wanted her and my father to come into the reception together. I naturally thought they could be adults and this was going to be the only time they would have to be together aside from a few pictures. AM I CRAZY or my mom SELFISH???
What should I do?? I want them to come in together at the reception..should I not have them even come in?? Separately they would look stupid. HELP!!

Christine, my SIL went thru this at my bro's wedding. They were married over 30 years & then recently separated....

Personally I wouldn't do it if your mom is against it...she will not be happy when the time comes & it will make her feel stressed beforehand and even if she does it, it sounds like she is not comfortable with it. Also, I'm sure at this point all the guests know that your parents are Not together....

I've been to a number of weddings where the parents come in separate or with their songs/daughters or with a niece/nephew....

Yet I'm sorry that you are upset...I know you figure why can't they just let it go for 5 minutes...

Coming from someone whose parents are divorced, when I spoke to my banquet mgr about my concerns she said this:
Because of the complicated nature of some families (divorce and such) alot of brides and grooms choose not to introduce family and just stick to the bridal party being announced into the reception hall. This is what we are going to do, and it keeps things much easier for me. Then I don't have to spend my energy trying to negotiate a deal between the parents!

As it is, they are BOTH riding with me to the church and BOTH walking me down the aisle... I'll be more nervous if they'll get along, instead of being nervous about the wedding!

if your mom isn't comfortable with it, then i wouldn't force it. just tell her it would mean alot and ask her to think it over. i went through the same thing. The banquet manager just lined them up and said 'come on you guys can be actors' and they went through with it and they even danced 2gether. i didn't even think about it before the wedding...honestly it was nice but awkard kinda at the same time..

Having your parents walk in separately won't look stupid. My parents did it at my wedding, escorted by their respective significant others and I've seen it at several other weddings as well. What will look stupid is if they're forced to walk in together and they're both scowling when all of your guests and your photographers are taking pictures of them.

You can also choose not to have family announced at all as someone else mentioned if it really bothers you.

One very important thing to mention to your band or dj - if this is how they feel just about walking in together, make sure that the MC or whoever DOES NOT call for the parents of the bride to dance together. My DJ did that at my wedding and basically everyone in the room stood still and just stared at them to see what would happen because my parents hate each other. But they danced that day.

I had that situation at my wedding. My mom didn't want to be associated with my father in any way and i didn't blame her. It was not a nice divorce, and why should she have been put in an uncomfortable circumstance at what is a big day for her too? There are tons of ways to work around this...

My father walked out escorted by my little sister...and my mother was escorted by my brother. It doesn't matter who escorts them, they'll announce your parents names only OR they can announce both depending on what you prefer.

Your situation may be diff then mine, so i completely understand how you're upset-but take if from me, you don't want to put a parent in a highly uncomfortable position. Its just not worth it.

Also..if their divorce was really bad-its natural your mom doesnt want any link to your father on your day, you know? I would feel that way too.

My parents are divorced, and I would never expect them to enter the reception together. They will walk me down together as my parents - but even this, I asked if they were alright with. Luckily they were.

As for the reception, I think it's a bit much to ask. JMO.

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Posted by melissa8781

if your mom isn't comfortable with it, then i wouldn't force it. just tell her it would mean alot and ask her to think it over. i went through the same thing. The banquet manager just lined them up and said 'come on you guys can be actors' and they went through with it and they even danced 2gether. i didn't even think about it before the wedding...honestly it was nice but awkard kinda at the same time..

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I agree. Mine are divorced, and did not get introduced, but did dance the first dance together. They do not get along, so it was nice of my mom to do that, but then the photographers started taking pics of them and telling them to get closer...My mom hissed, 'WE'RE NOT MARRIED ANYMORE!' In retrospect I should have told the photogs. that they were divorced.

Do not force it if she doesn't want to. It's not a big deal walking in together, and divorces involve so many issues that having them there uncomfortable will be much worse than not having them walk in together.

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Posted by soon2bmrsdunn

Personally I think that your mom should do this for you. I mean it's what, 10 seconds that they have to be together. They don't have to hold hands but they could just be introduced together. If she deinifely will not do it then I would go with having them be escorted in by someone else.

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That's a hellava lot to ask of your mom. 10 seconds may seem like an eternity.
Yes,its your day..I was a bride too recently but,no one should bend backwards for me,you..anyone!

I can totally relate. I am divorced and have an 8yr old son. Although I have full custody,he sees his dad regularly and has a good relationship. On his wedding day- The heavens can open,God himself can come down and ask me personally and still I WOULD NOT WALK IN OR BE NEXT TO THAT &^$#@^*&*!!!!
I am very adult,I love my child more than anyone or anything on this Earth.I will do anything for him(except this) I am not bitter and I am happily married,actually I should thank my ex because I am so happy now with the right person.
We don't know the circumstances of your parents divorce,only YOU know truely if your mom can do this. Its already going to be akward,why make it worse?
In my case,my EX had an affair and married this women 2 yrs ago.Had a wedding and didn't even invite our son! I don't want to be near him!
Please ask your mom and respect her wishes.

I'm in agreement with almost everyone else here - your parents should walk in seperately if your Mom is not comfortable with it.
I hate when everyone uses the 'its your day, your way' excuse.. all that does is make the bride sound like a complete selfish b*tch.
If your mom is uncomfortable with it and doesn't want to walk in with him, you should respect that.
You don't want to have them 'pretend' to be together if they're not you know?

My parents are divorced but are very amicable now and they walked in together, but weren't introduced as Mr. and Mrs. so & so, it was Mr. so & so and Mrs. so and so.

I'm sure you can come up with another way to do it. Have them introduced seperately, or have each of them walk in escorted by someone else.
Its not worth causing anyone to be unhappy, especially when so many people will be taking pictures of it!

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Posted by sk1nny27

im not sure what you should do. my parents are divorced too. i never really cared untill i started planning our wedding. its such a pain in the a$$. invitation wording and all that. good luck. personally i think your mom should suck it up. its your day!

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Since its 'your day' I assume your parents are walking in together,hand in hand all smiles,right?

I think every situation is different and personal..being a person on both ends,divorced and recently a bride I was very sensitive to the issues..ex. If I knew certain family members or friends did not talk,I did not seat them at the same table.Made life easier for everyone.

Can I say something,from the bottom of my heart as a mother (single mother for a long time)...
Since the minute my son was born 8 yrs ago,I have made him my responsibility 24/7. Countless sleepless nights because he was teething or sick or cranky. Still getting ready at 6am to go to work. Have taken him on dozens of vacations,bought him everything his heart desires. Run home from work to cook a homecooked meal,do homework,study and then if we're lucky- watch a little TV together or talk. Countless cheering on the sidelines at sports,countless trips to the barber,every Harry Potter movie or any other that kids love at the moment. Every year a trip to RadioCity and to see the tree,we spend a day just the 2 of us to pick out a special ornament for each other. Everynight I tuck him in to sleep and every morning wake him up the same way 'wake-up little sleepy head,time to get you out of ..' and he finishes by saying 'BED!!'
I think I have been a good mother and father and would give my life for his in an instant! I can go on and on and probably have overstepped my bounderies.
My point is:

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS DAY! I have given everyday to him.

Please ask your MOTHER not father what she would like. When you hear the phrase, 'she mothers you/him/her' what do you think of? SO MUCH..because it means so much more than words can describe. Why isn't there a phrase 'Oh,he fathers her?'

We women are a special breed,we are too many jobs rolled-up into 1. It would break my heart if my son or worse-Future DIL would tell me what to do and then say 'its MY day'..
well then,walk a mile in my shoes and then get back to me!

Sorry it got so personal,I feel for your mom.

I wouldn't force them to walk in together.

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Posted by andri

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Posted by sk1nny27

im not sure what you should do. my parents are divorced too. i never really cared untill i started planning our wedding. its such a pain in the a$$. invitation wording and all that. good luck. personally i think your mom should suck it up. its your day!

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Since its 'your day' I assume your parents are walking in together,hand in hand all smiles,right?

I think every situation is different and personal..being a person on both ends,divorced and recently a bride I was very sensitive to the issues..ex. If I knew certain family members or friends did not talk,I did not seat them at the same table.Made life easier for everyone.

Can I say something,from the bottom of my heart as a mother (single mother for a long time)...
Since the minute my son was born 8 yrs ago,I have made him my responsibility 24/7. Countless sleepless nights because he was teething or sick or cranky. Still getting ready at 6am to go to work. Have taken him on dozens of vacations,bought him everything his heart desires. Run home from work to cook a homecooked meal,do homework,study and then if we're lucky- watch a little TV together or talk. Countless cheering on the sidelines at sports,countless trips to the barber,every Harry Potter movie or any other that kids love at the moment. Every year a trip to RadioCity and to see the tree,we spend a day just the 2 of us to pick out a special ornament for each other. Everynight I tuck him in to sleep and every morning wake him up the same way 'wake-up little sleepy head,time to get you out of ..' and he finishes by saying 'BED!!'
I think I have been a good mother and father and would give my life for his in an instant! I can go on and on and probably have overstepped my bounderies.
My point is:

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS DAY! I have given everyday to him.

Please ask your MOTHER not father what she would like. When you hear the phrase, 'she mothers you/him/her' what do you think of? SO MUCH..because it means so much more than words can describe. Why isn't there a phrase 'Oh,he fathers her?'

We women are a special breed,we are too many jobs rolled-up into 1. It would break my heart if my son or worse-Future DIL would tell me what to do and then say 'its MY day'..
well then,walk a mile in my shoes and then get back to me!

Sorry it got so personal,I feel for your mom.

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You said that really really well :) that phrase 'its your day' gets really old...meaning no one else should have to be completely uncomfortable or in a horribly awkward situation just b/c the person is getting married. The FIRST persons feelings i always considered were my moms. Her comfort level was #1, and if that meant me arranging things in a unique way to avoid conflict, thats what i did.

thanks so much fir all that replied...It really meant a lot and it was definitly great to hear honest opinions and I am sure now that if they do not want to walk in together why push it. With that being said I think we may just skip the announcments. I know my dad would be crushed but my FIL's don't want to even walk out. I appreciate all of your advice and if anything changes I will post. Thanks again!!!