My mom brought this up tonight so I figured I'd ask you guys your thought....
My dad left my mom and they got divorced in 2002. He was remarried in June of 2006. My parents don't speak unless they have to so she's never even met his wife.
Although it's a long ways away...my mom will be the one throwing my bridal shower and she wants to know if she has to invite my 'stepmother'.... Of course this would make her extremely uncomfortable but I don't know whether or not inviting her is the proper thing to do.
Any help on this dilemna?
kweber322
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I have this same issue. My parents got divorced right before I went to college and my dad is remarried. And my dad actually mentioned inviting his wife to my shower. But I'm not going to do it. My mom is paying for the shower and she would be uncomfortable. I care more about her in this. I have gotten some flack from other people on that (including FH) but my 'stepmom' is the one my dad left my mom for. It was a long time ago, but I care more about my mom in this.
FutureMrsLehmann
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
this is just my opinion, but i think it would be very rude and i'm sure hurtful to your stepmom if she's not invited to your shower. whether you're close to her or not, she's your father's wife so obviously he's important to him.
my father is remarried but luckily my mother is above all the pettiness of fighting and just deals with the situation. your mom doesn't have to be friends with the woman, heck she doesn't even have to talk to her at the shower...the day is about you and i would hope all her energy would be focused on you and your day!
kweber322
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I guess it does sound harsh not to invite her - but whatever. I'm not that close to her or my dad. And they live in Georgia.
MrsS4
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I am in somewhat of the similar situation-- i think it truly depends on the situation-- go with your gut-- if she means something to you & your mother understands then invite her-- to me my dads gf would not be invited to the shower-- I just think that our mothers would be truly hurt to have them there if the wounds are still raw- or so to speak-
SusanAdam
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I was in a similar situation. My parents divorced when I was little and both are re-married. They don't exactly like each other and my mom has only spoken a few words to my step mom during events such as my graduations from high school and college. My mom paid for my shower and hosted it at her house. She left if up to me if I wanted to invite my step mom and her family. I felt bad that my step mom might feel uncomfortable, but I would have felt even worse if I left her out of it. In the end I invited her and her family and it was great. Everyone got along and even though my mom and her are not exactly best friends, my mom and everyone else made them feel welcome. It ended up being a wonderful day.
Maybe you should consider inviting your step mom with a family member or two so she will be comfortable. I invited my step mom's mom, sister, her niece, and her sister in law. It's only one day and you should leave it up to your step mom if she feels comfortable enough to go. Believe me, the day flies by and this day is about you. You should invite the people you want around for that day.
FutureMrs.T
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
In my opinion, I think the parents needs to put their feelings aside for our weddings and let us do what we want to do. In my case, I am inviting my fathers fiance to my shower and my mom would not have it any other way. She may not like it, but she is doing it for me. My father is part of my life and his fiance is part of his. I think my father would take it very personally if I did not invite his fiance. So, in short, I think that you should invite her.
lizzzie35
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I'm also in a similar situation. My parents divorced 3-4 years ago and my dad is remarried. My parents are amicable towards each other (thank god!) but they still have their disagreements from time to time. Right after our engagement, my dad offered to take me, FH, and FIL's to a nice dinner to celebrate. Around the same time, my mom offered to host a little brunch for me, FH, FIL's AND my Dad and stepmother. Since my dad asked first, I asked him about my mom and her 'old man friend' and he didn't want to have to pay for the old man friend, mostly because my mom cheated on my dad with him. Stupid me lied to my mom and said that when we were going to dinner with my dad and stepmother, it was just me and FH. Well, she found out and decided that my stepmother and stepsister shouldn't be invited to the shower because of that. Fortunately, I believe she has gotten over it, especially since I said that it wouldn't be nice to not invite them. I'm not crazy about them but it wouldn't be right.
PegaLega
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
My parents arent together, they can barely be in the same room with each other.
It would be harsh not to invite her and Im sure that her feelings would be hurt. I would speak to your father and maybe see how she will react if she isnt invited.
ON the other hand, your mom is paying for it so she should be the comfortable one.
wundmoretime
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I think the right thing to do is invite the stepmother. Everyone is adults and they need to act that way. I had divorced parents for my first wedding and I have had 2 kids since. My parents were never able to be social with each other. when the grandkids came along, they felt they needed to be amicable for their sake. I assume their will eventually be kids and you can't reasonably do 2 of everything-ie baby shower, baptism etc. they will need to be together then. You don't want to create issues now that can have repercussions later. I think there is a chance if you invite her, she won't go anyway but your mom will look good for doing so. One of my friends at work is very good friends with her ex-husband's wife. they go away together often. I have known people that are better friends then couples. They need to learn to deal with each other for the sake of the kids (you) and eventually grandkids (most likely).
JoesFutureWife
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I think you should invite your stepmom even though you're not close. This event is about you and your FH, not what happened between your parents or anyone else. Chances are, living that far away she may not come. However if she does come, your mom will look like a rock star for inviting her. Plus you never know what may come out of it. Usually good things. Your mom definitely has your best interest at heart and being that your mom is hosting your shower, your step mom will know her place as simply a guest.
I can make you laugh...My FH's parents are divorced. My FFIL was remarried had a kid and divorced again. For FH's grandmother's funeral in January 06, everyone had to come together and be in the same room. Well FH's 6 year old half sister loves my FMIL. By the end of the weekend, FMIL, my baby FSIL, and FH's ex step mom were taking pics together. Go figure!
MrsS4
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
lol @ the above post-- it is a touchy subject-- i think ultimately you should just go with your gut--
carolinebr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
Posted by JJC
My mom brought this up tonight so I figured I'd ask you guys your thought....
My dad left my mom and they got divorced in 2002. He was remarried in June of 2006. My parents don't speak unless they have to so she's never even met his wife.
Although it's a long ways away...my mom will be the one throwing my bridal shower and she wants to know if she has to invite my 'stepmother'.... Of course this would make her extremely uncomfortable but I don't know whether or not inviting her is the proper thing to do.
Any help on this dilemna?
Same exact thing happened to me & my family. My dad married his girlfriend
My step mother did get an invitation but declined, which I predict yours might do. She knows your mom will be there along with your mom's family, so she will likely not attend. But you have to invite her.
My dad showed up & brought her gift & stayed for 3 minutes then left.
You do NOT, however, have to put her name ion the invitation. My step mother tried weaseling her way onto my invites but that is NOT required per Peggy Post!
PeterNina Mom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
Posted by JJC
My mom brought this up tonight so I figured I'd ask you guys your thought....
My dad left my mom and they got divorced in 2002. He was remarried in June of 2006. My parents don't speak unless they have to so she's never even met his wife.
Although it's a long ways away...my mom will be the one throwing my bridal shower and she wants to know if she has to invite my 'stepmother'.... Of course this would make her extremely uncomfortable but I don't know whether or not inviting her is the proper thing to do.
Any help on this dilemna?
I had that same issue, but even though your mom will be uncomfortable it is important that she be invited to keep the peace. I am sure your stepmother will be uncomfortable too. It really is the right thing to do.
MEMEJOR
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
I am going through the samething... My stepmom doesnt want my dad & mom walking me down aisle together... Everyone hates each other... But eveyone gotta deal for that one day... BECAUSE THEY ALL LUV U... so yes ur step mom should be invited but confirm to ur mom that she is apart of ur dads life and u have to be fair... Thats what i am doing....
carolinebr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
Posted by MEMEJOR
I am going through the samething... My stepmom doesnt want my dad & mom walking me down aisle together... .
we had the SAME fight. My stepmother freaked out. I told her to go screw. Those are my PARENTS & its my walk down the aisle & its just not up to HER who walks me down the aisle.
its 45 seconds out of her life that she needs to sit down & keep her mouth shut. Which she did. But she has hated me since. Oh well!
katie bairdie
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
Sorry if this has already been said, but you don't say how well you get on with your father.... If you are not wanting to hurt feelings why not ask him for his opinion.
tinadansr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
Posted by carolinebr
Posted by MEMEJOR
I am going through the samething... My stepmom doesnt want my dad & mom walking me down aisle together... .
we had the SAME fight. My stepmother freaked out. I told her to go screw. Those are my PARENTS & its my walk down the aisle & its just not up to HER who walks me down the aisle.
its 45 seconds out of her life that she needs to sit down & keep her mouth shut. Which she did. But she has hated me since. Oh well!
GOod for you!!!! She's not worth it if she hold's a grudge over that
FH's parent s are divorced ...His mom thinks that his father was cheating on her iwth his step mom, They are bitter enemies.....The stepmom talks about the mother in a not so gracious way and his mom talks about the step mom .... My mom wants to have our family at the shower and that's it LOL
diva7531
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
You risk alienating your dad, you should talk to him. Try talking to your mom. How do you feel about the stepmom? The adult, outsiders view is your mom should invite her and accept that this day is about you and should do anything to make you comfortable.
Of course it's much easier said than done, good luck
hyphenbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Divorced Parents Question
This is a tough one! Do you think that your stepmom would want to be in that situation? I wonder if she would be uncomfortable at a party your mom is throwing.
Would you be able to talk to your dad or would he be too emotionally involved?
