do i go on with wedding

here is the story of my life....my fiance just found out that he might have a child from 3 years ago, the thing is, is that this would make child number 3 from different mothers. the mother of his son is doing everything in her power to not make this wedding happen. he has taken her to court and mediation for more than just a few things that she has done like tell her son if he is over for the weekend and fh is working, i will hurt him, not to ride with me in the car, no visits with my parents, spreading rumors about how bad my reputation is. which is true because how i dealt with my bad breakup with my 3 year relationship which i have no guilt for because it made me happy.i am a day care teacher so i am a very qualified person to be with kids. i need your help, just someone to talk to.

Wow..thats tough..only you can make that decison. I'm sorry I can't give you advice...

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Posted by json_n_mindy

here is the story of my life....my fiance just found out that he might have a child from 3 years ago, the thing is, is that this would make child number 3 from different mothers. the mother of his son is doing everything in her power to not make this wedding happen. he has taken her to court and mediation for more than just a few things that she has done like tell her son if he is over for the weekend and fh is working, i will hurt him, not to ride with me in the car, no visits with my parents, spreading rumors about how bad my reputation is. which is true because how i dealt with my bad breakup with my 3 year relationship which i have no guilt for because it made me happy.i am a day care teacher so i am a very qualified person to be with kids. i need your help, just someone to talk to.

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Its a terrible situation but if this child wasnt a result of cheating on you then it shouldnt stop you from marrying him. As far as the baby's momma, that woman sounds like a nut and she shouldnt even have custody of the child. I think its abuse to make her child tell his father those things. My stepfather was in the same situation where his ex-wife was saying the worst things to their children. She has been in the middle of my step-father and mother's marriage since day one and they fight all the time. My mom deals with it because she loves my step father. I hope everything works out

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Posted by ldrenckhahn

I'm no expert but I think that you should just wait for the results on the paternity test and take it from there. Don't drive yourself crazy until you know for sure that it is definitely his. If you love him and this wasn't a result of him cheating then I don't see any reason why you couldn't still get married. Ultimately you need to go with you heart and your gut! HTH

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i have to agree with ldrenckhahn... dont drive yourself crazy wait for the paternity test... and see what happens... if he did cheat on u and it is his child... then no i wouldn't marry him... JMO i wouldn't marry someone that might have 3 kids from three different women... if he had one that's fine... but 3... again this is your decision... if u love him... nothing else should matter... nothing....

i agree.. i think its a decision only you can make. i personally wouldn't marry someone with that many kids from that many different women, but if you love him, thats what matters.
just keep in mind that the 'baby mamma drama' isn't going to every go away... and you might have to deal wth it times 3.

i may be on the other side of this coin.. but if you're saying she's telling the little boy not to ride in cars with you.. and that she doesn't want him alone with you.. then i see nothign wrong with that if as you say, your repuation is true because of your last break up and u have no guilt from the things you did because it made you happy..

i wouldn't want my child in a situation like that either. ultimately however, it's not for YOU to figure out.. that situation is between him (your fh ) and the mom. i'd recommend just staying out of it.. let them handle it.. and to protect yourself if this lady is loony, just don't be alone with the boy. it's his son.. let him make arrangments for his family to watch him if he has to work or something. .until it blows over just play the background and let him handle his business.

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

i may be on the other side of this coin.. but if you're saying she's telling the little boy not to ride in cars with you.. and that she doesn't want him alone with you.. then i see nothign wrong with that if as you say, your repuation is true because of your last break up and u have no guilt from the things you did because it made you happy..

i wouldn't want my child in a situation like that either. ultimately however, it's not for YOU to figure out.. that situation is between him (your fh ) and the mom. i'd recommend just staying out of it.. let them handle it.. and to protect yourself if this lady is loony, just don't be alone with the boy. it's his son.. let him make arrangments for his family to watch him if he has to work or something. .until it blows over just play the background and let him handle his business.

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without knowing any specific details or anything, i have to say that this was well said and good advice.

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

i may be on the other side of this coin.. but if you're saying she's telling the little boy not to ride in cars with you.. and that she doesn't want him alone with you.. then i see nothign wrong with that if as you say, your repuation is true because of your last break up and u have no guilt from the things you did because it made you happy..

i wouldn't want my child in a situation like that either. ultimately however, it's not for YOU to figure out.. that situation is between him (your fh ) and the mom. i'd recommend just staying out of it.. let them handle it.. and to protect yourself if this lady is loony, just don't be alone with the boy. it's his son.. let him make arrangments for his family to watch him if he has to work or something. .until it blows over just play the background and let him handle his business.

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without knowing any specific details or anything, i have to say that this was well said and good advice.

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well said

wwwooow sorry you are going through this ~

so sorry your going through this...IMO wait for the paternity test results and after that just do what you think is right...if a friend of yours would be going through your situation what adivce would you give her? Follow your own advice that you would give. Good Luck!!

nope. I wouldn't marry him. I'd wait a few more years to see how things work out.

How long have you been together? Can you just live with each other & not get married now?

I would rethink things... unless your FH is very wealthy, expect him to either be working 2 jobs , where you will never see him, or most your income going to child support.
*****... trust me.
It is SO stressful being involved with someone that has to pay up the butt for child support, and its not exactly a little bit.
The state does not care if you eat or have a roof, they just make sure you pay up.

My BF has 2 kids and is mandated to pay $600 EACH.
That is $1200 a month.
Good lord, I have 3 kids and I dont spend $1200 a month on them.
The amount of money he has to send puts a huge strain on our checking account and ultimatly leads to us fighting when we dont have money.
So you decide if you want to live the rest of YOUR life paying for what he has done.
Not to mention having to deal with Ex's.

Just my .02cents but I say wait for a while. Esp if you are even asking the question.

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Posted by SherinJeff

So you decide if you want to live the rest of YOUR life paying for what he has done.

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wow... way to make a child an insignificant nothing...

Hey its the truth and something to consider.
It puts a huge strain on a relationship.
The only reason I tolerate it is because the kid's are older and its almost over.
If they were younger , I wouldnt go thru with this and pay for 18 plus years.
She asked.. and Im giving a realistic view on what to expect.

And it has nothing to do with the 'child' or children being insignaficant.
Again, Im giving a financial view point.

$600 per child per month= $150/week per child.

that does NOT sound like an egregious amount of money. In NY. In 2007.
I was a teenager a looooong time ago and you better believe my parents spent wayyyy more than that per week on me (and i''m one of 4 kids).

The man HAS 2 children, present tense, and that will NEVER be over.

Putting finances COMPLETELY out of the picture, I can't see myself marrying a man who has 3 children with 3 different mothers. That's not a mistake, that's just irresponsible behavior.
Doesn't bode well for a lifelong committed relationship, which is what marriage is supposed to be. But to each his own...

The PP who said its between him and the mother(s) was dead on...