do i go on with wedding

---

Posted by SherinJeff

And it has nothing to do with the 'child' or children being insignaficant.
Again, Im giving a financial view point.

---

it is (to me) when you are referring to them as 'WHAT HE HAS DONE'

I understand where you're coming from financially and the advice you are trying to give. (I receive child support from my son's non existant father and I have to say, I need it and my son's deserves it.. though it's not much at all.)

I just have a hard time understanding how someone can not look at a child of someone they love and not want the best for that child and love them as their own... not saying that's YOU, but it was how you came off with the above comment

---

Posted by carolinep24

---

Posted by SherinJeff

And it has nothing to do with the 'child' or children being insignaficant.
Again, Im giving a financial view point.

---

it is (to me) when you are referring to them as 'WHAT HE HAS DONE'

I understand where you're coming from financially and the advice you are trying to give. (I receive child support from my son's non existant father and I have to say, I need it and my son's deserves it.. though it's not much at all.)

I just have a hard time understanding how someone can not look at a child of someone they love and not want the best for that child and love them as their own... not saying that's YOU, but it was how you came off with the above comment

---

Not at all.

But I dont see how this girl can love a child as her own, when she isnt even allowed to see one of the kids, and the other ( new possible one) isnt part of their lives .. yet.

There are a lot of men out there that are checkbooks and nothing more.Sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance and sometimes because its easier then dealing with 'ex's'.
If her FH is going to step up and be a father... then she either is in it 110% and be a step mother and be prepared for everything that comes with it, .. or she leaves now.
It is a lot to think about.

---

Posted by json_n_mindy

here is the story of my life....my fiance just found out that he might have a child from 3 years ago, the thing is, is that this would make child number 3 from different mothers. the mother of his son is doing everything in her power to not make this wedding happen. he has taken her to court and mediation for more than just a few things that she has done like tell her son if he is over for the weekend and fh is working, i will hurt him, not to ride with me in the car, no visits with my parents, spreading rumors about how bad my reputation is. which is true because how i dealt with my bad breakup with my 3 year relationship which i have no guilt for because it made me happy.i am a day care teacher so i am a very qualified person to be with kids. i need your help, just someone to talk to.

---

Ok, has she tried to literally stop your wedding? Or is she just difficult? If this IS his kid, she has every right to speak up.

To be 100% honest, If DH & I ever broke up & he found someone new, I would not allow my daughter to be left alone with her or ride in a car with her. And I would not want her going to his new GF or FW's parent's house either. I would probably FREAK. Plus you yourself implied there is something negative in your past that so you can't blame the woman.

So don't take it too personally. As much as you may not like her, you have to respect that this is HER kid. She gets to call the shots, not you.

HOWEVER, I don't think that is your reason for considering calling off the wedding.
So is it :
- that you don't like his having 3 kids by different mothers? Does it bother you?
- that you don't want to take care of 3 kids if he ever got custody (this can happen)
- are you worried about the financial implications that come with supporting 3 kids?
- are you afraid he won't want more kids?
- Is it because of his ex? Is she scaring you away?
- Or is it something else?

There are a lot of potential issues here but only you know what you can handle and what you can't. I'll be honest, this isn't a fairytale way to start off a marriage but hey - no one's marriage is perfect. You need to decide if you love him enough to stick this out. Its ok to back out now if you know you are not strong enough to handle this.

And also, I agree with the other poster who said you should stay out of things b/w him & his ex. Worry about YOU & HIM and let the other cards fall where they may.

Good Luck to you.

---

Posted by SherinJeff
There are a lot of men out there that are checkbooks and nothing more.

---

Very true, but likewise, there are a lot of men out there who are sperm donors, and nothing more. Kids need to be provided for, end of story.

The financial stress is REAL, but I would hasten to add that finances are ALWAYS stressful, whether you have 6 children or no children. Its the #1 cause cited for divorce, and that's not a recent phenomenon.

So yes, a HUGE amount of their joint disposable income will (AND SHOULD btw) go toward supporting his children. That would not be a dealbreaker for me personally... the underlying behavior WOULD be.