Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Original post by lolita4life

Dec 26, 2004 01:31 PM

so for anyone who saw my post about how FHs sister didnt invite us to her place for christmas... he mentioned it and she set a TINY something up here.. i think so she didnt have to feel guilty and i told him that i wasnt going right...... we got into a HUGE fight (one of those) and he left me to go there... He left me ALONE on Christmas!!!!! I was soooooooooo sad b/c my family lives like 2 hours away and i was here by myself.... anytime i called him he would hang up on me....
i was soo upset.. the worst ive ever been. that he would choose his sister who doesnt even care about him over me!
i was sooooooooooo upset.. i feel like i was going crazy. i was crying so much and shaking and rocking back and forth.... then i started to cut myself.... its not deep b/c it was a dull knife but i dont know why i did it. i just kept doing it.....
i swear im not crazy, but do i nee therepy or something? i know im not a 'cutter' but i cant belive i could get myself so upset that i would hurt myself.... i dont know if i should just forget about it or see someone about it.... i didnt do it for attention or anything as some ppl may think.. i just felt like i it would take the pain away or something.. i dont know..

sorry to write such a personal thing, i just dont really want to talk to my mom about it or anyone cuz theyll go crazy!

lolita4life Posted: Dec 26, 2004 06:58 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

only one problem:
i wont have insurance for a therapist til we're married!!!! lol

he was very sweet and bought me flowers today.

i'm over it.. i am ironically happy that yesterday happned... not being alone on christmas, but it definatly got alot of our frustrations out with us and his family... so the air is clear now on that...

Jax430 Posted: Dec 26, 2004 09:57 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

I think that it would be a good idea for you to seek couples counseling before marriage. If you are concerned about insurance, there are many universities that have psychological clinics that the graduate students train it. They usually have a sliding scale fee, so sessions can be really cheap. I'm a psychology graduate student at pace in manhattan, and I know we often see people for $10-$20 a session.

MegLehner Posted: Dec 26, 2004 10:20 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Posted by Jax430

I think that it would be a good idea for you to seek couples counseling before marriage. If you are concerned about insurance, there are many universities that have psychological clinics that the graduate students train it. They usually have a sliding scale fee, so sessions can be really cheap. I'm a psychology graduate student at pace in manhattan, and I know we often see people for $10-$20 a session.

Jax is right. a lot of therapist and schools usually have a sliding scale. You should call around. Couples counseling would probably help. Although, if my DH ever left me on Xmas I would never forgive him.

lolita4life Posted: Dec 27, 2004 12:02 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

hmm.. thast something to look into... whether i/we 'need' counsiling or not it cant hurt!

t Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:15 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Posted by lolita4life

hmm.. thast something to look into... whether i/we 'need' counsiling or not it cant hurt!

We went to counseling, when we seperated and it has helped we should go back sometimes I feel but we are doing okay for the most part and our health insurance covered it so it was not out of out pocket and we made it into an every Thursday outing for us alone

Sassyz75 Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:32 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Whether you have insurance or not, you need to speak with someone.

It will be the best money you could spend!!!

KathleenG Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:46 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

I agree with the above posters, definitely seek some counseling. If FH is not up for it, YOU go anyway for YOURSELF. I definitely would look into a therapist with a sliding scale fee. It would be so worth it for you.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Dec 27, 2004 11:29 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Jess, I'm so sorry about your holiday!! how awful...

My personal opinion: Everyone needs therapy at some point or another. It is a wonderful tool and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I am so amazed at my personal growth and progress over the last year while going to therapy, I have made the decision to go back to school to become a therapist. I think it is an amazing thing we have at our disposal!

If you are hurting yourself, even if it was an isolated incident - I think you should seek help. If your FH and you had a fight that bad at Christmas and he left you alone and hung up on you every time you called, I would seek couples therapy as well - there is some very deep rooted anger between you two...it CAN be resolved with work.

I am sorry you were in pain, and I hope you can look at this situation and allow it to affect you in a way that will lead you towards making wise decisions for your mental health, and your health as a couple.

bxgell2 Posted: Dec 27, 2004 12:39 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

My opinion - you need counseling. First, although there are other people out there who cut themselves, that doesn't mean it's normal. It signals that you have a problem dealing with your emotions, and you really need to get it in check before it manifests itself even deeper or in worse ways.

Second, although I think you had reason to be upset on Christmas, the fact is, the way both you and your FH handled the situation screams that there is a problem. I speak from experience - I was in a relationship where my BF used to do the same thing. He would leave on special occasions, he would hang up on me, call me names, etc. While I was in the relationship, I made every excuse under the sun for his (and my contributing) behavior. Now that I'm out of that relationship, and with someone where these kind of things would NEVER happen, with hindsight, I can say, a relationship where one or both people behave like that is NOT healthy. And, from my experience, it only gets worse. It may get better after, and he may apologize and act like a Saint for a few days, a few weeks, or even a month, but it will return because this is obviously behavior that is deep-rooted. If you plan on marrying this man and sustaining a healthy relationship, you both need to get yourselves in counseling. JMO!

lolita4life Posted: Dec 27, 2004 12:43 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

thank you everyone so much for your concern. I am going to look into it.

DjPiLL Posted: Dec 27, 2004 03:00 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

You need to get some serious help.

Janice Posted: Dec 27, 2004 03:09 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

okay, just from your previous posts, you are a smart girl, who carries tons of passion...
You have had a very full year....I would def recommend therapy... couples therapy maybe later on, but you should go and talk to someone one on one, you have a lot to learn about yourself. I think you are much stronger than you believe you are.

LoriH Posted: Dec 27, 2004 04:44 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

I agree with all the above posters, you should seriously look into therapy. You need to talk to someone to figure out how to handle your emotions in a constructive way. NO ONE is worth hurting your self over.

I also agree that the two of you should go to couples counseling before the wedding. There appears to be a great deal of deep routed anger between you two and need to be dealt with. Good luck, feel better and take care of yourself.

MrsERod Posted: Dec 27, 2004 04:59 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

sorry your xmas turned out that way..but I definitely think you need to seek some sort of counseling.....good luck

lillian771 Posted: Dec 28, 2004 02:32 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Posted by Janice

okay, just from your previous posts, you are a smart girl, who carries tons of passion...
You have had a very full year....I would def recommend therapy... couples therapy maybe later on, but you should go and talk to someone one on one, you have a lot to learn about yourself. I think you are much stronger than you believe you are.

I agree with Janice. Jess, I'm sorry your Christmas was a rotten one. I'm glad you're feeling better about things now.

HearzBellz Posted: Dec 28, 2004 02:52 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Posted by lolita4life

thanks.
well he came home to me and started crying b/c he felt bad he was such a d!ck. so who knows. maybe we should go to counsling together or something.

That sounds like a good idea.

Best of luck

nov04LIbride Posted: Dec 28, 2004 03:38 PM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

Posted by lolita4life

thanks.
well he came home to me and started crying b/c he felt bad he was such a d!ck. so who knows. maybe we should go to counsling together or something.

Honestly, that is a sign of every abusive relationship, be it verbal, emotional, or physical--the guy apologizes profusely, cries, gives gifts to make it up to you, and swears it will never happen again. It inevitably happens again. If it were me, I would walk, but if you think it is salvagable, I would get to therapy with him ASAP.

salsbride06 Posted: Dec 29, 2004 01:15 AM

Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)

I WOULD SAY THAT YOU NEED TO GO TO COUNSLING BEFORE SOMETHING TRAGIC HAPPENES THAT ISNT REALLY NEEDED. I KNOW WHAT HE DID WAS AWFUL AND I WOULD BE VERY UPSET ALSO. I HAVE HAD ALOT OF EXPERIENCE WITH MY YOUNGER SISTER CUTTING HERSLEF. IT CONTINUED AND SHE GOT ENOUGH HELP THAT TODAY HSE IS PERFECTLY FINE. THIS WAS WITH A LITTLE BIT OF HELP FROM FRIENDS,FAMILY, AND A COUNSLER. WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN TELL YOU IS DONT KEEP EVERYTHING BOTTLED UP INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE. LET YOUR EMOTIONS OUT AND TALK TO PEOPLE. THAT IS THE BEST ADVISE THAT I CAN GIVE YOU. I WOULD ALSO LET YOU HUSBAND OR FH KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AND THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE THERE TO HELP YOU AND NOT PUSH YOU AWAY. I HOPE THAT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU AND MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYS ARE WITH YOU