Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
lolita4life
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Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
so for anyone who saw my post about how FHs sister didnt invite us to her place for christmas... he mentioned it and she set a TINY something up here.. i think so she didnt have to feel guilty and i told him that i wasnt going right...... we got into a HUGE fight (one of those) and he left me to go there... He left me ALONE on Christmas!!!!! I was soooooooooo sad b/c my family lives like 2 hours away and i was here by myself.... anytime i called him he would hang up on me.... i was soo upset.. the worst ive ever been. that he would choose his sister who doesnt even care about him over me! i was sooooooooooo upset.. i feel like i was going crazy. i was crying so much and shaking and rocking back and forth.... then i started to cut myself.... its not deep b/c it was a dull knife but i dont know why i did it. i just kept doing it..... i swear im not crazy, but do i nee therepy or something? i know im not a 'cutter' but i cant belive i could get myself so upset that i would hurt myself.... i dont know if i should just forget about it or see someone about it.... i didnt do it for attention or anything as some ppl may think.. i just felt like i it would take the pain away or something.. i dont know..
sorry to write such a personal thing, i just dont really want to talk to my mom about it or anyone cuz theyll go crazy!
julz33
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
I would be very upset in that situation also BUT I would never cut myself over it I know you said you weren't doing it for attention but maybe you did it to get the attention of your FH to let him know how much he hurt you by leaving you alone? And for you to post a pic of your arm seems to me like you want attention. Maybe you should speak to a therapist before you hurt yourself! And I hope you can work things out with your FH.
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
we are okay now.... i dont knnow maybe i did it to punish him or make him feel bad! which is selfish... who knows.. yeah i took the pic away i just wanted to show it wasnt deep or anything to wrry about.
marymoon
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
I can't be so presumptuous on here, but if you were my best friend I would tell you dump him and call off the engagement. Leaving you alone on christmas is completely unacceptable. Only you can decide if you want therapy, but it might not be a bad idea, considering the way he's treating you and the highly emotional response you had to it. All the best *hugs*
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
thanks. well he came home to me and started crying b/c he felt bad he was such a d!ck. so who knows. maybe we should go to counsling together or something.
marymoon
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
Couples counseling might not be such a bad idea. FH and I are considering pre marital counseling so we can learn how to deal with our differences BEFORE the wedding. Best of luck *hugs*
RedHead
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
lolita..i can't comment on your relationship since we are hearing one side of the story.But i can give my opinion onthe situation as i see it. No i don't think that leaving you alone on Christmas was nice but maybe YOU should have gone with him...I think you made him choose between the two of you and you shouldn't have. Maybe you don't need to agree with everything he does but support his decisions..This is his family not some friend that is an azz. And i don't thnk anyone should make their SO do that. They will lose..like you did. And they only one who really suffered was you.
In regards to the hurting yourself thing...well yes, you did it for attention. To make you FH feel bad and to show him the pain you felt..This is really bad coping skills and i do think you need to talk to someone about this. Give you better ways to express your anger and hurt in a more productive way.
Let's face it marriage ain't a bed of roses all the time and if you can't deal with adversity now, over something sooo small. What will happen if something BIG happens?
SO talk to someone! Regardless if you and your FH are 'better' now. THis is a behavior you need to deal with! Things won't be great forever!
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
Posted by oct.2004bride
lolita..i can't comment on your relationship since we are hearing one side of the story.But i can give my opinion onthe situation as i see it. No i don't think that leaving you alone on Christmas was nice but maybe YOU should have gone with him...I think you made him choose between the two of you and you shouldn't have. Maybe you don't need to agree with everything he does but support his decisions..This is his family not some friend that is an azz. And i don't thnk anyone should make their SO do that. They will lose..like you did. And they only one who really suffered was you.
no, im totally not innocent about that at all! i admit it.. we were fighting and i didnt want him to go..... BUT we had plans to just spend it with each other... he broke that plan....
when he came home i did suck it up and go back with him.......
but he told me he was going 15 mins before his bro-in-law came to pick him up.. so i didnt even have enough time to get ready anyway.. but he was def a jerk.. but youre right.. i def played the 'me or them' card.
marymoon
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
I don't understand part of the story..so she did eventually invite the two of you? i'm confused. Still, I disgaree with jen, my FSIL is a b*tch, and if after not ivniting us she all of a sudden decided to invite us b/c somone complained, I still wouldn't go. Even if you ARE making FH choose, he should choose you, you shouldn;t have to deal with ebing treated like crap by his family for the rest of your lives. Maybe I have a strong postiion on it because I go through so much with my future in laws. I just can't imagine your Fh leaving you on xmas. Did they use guilt, etc to get him to go? I don't know really what to say, but I have the same sorts of situations in my relationship, but my standard is that my FH has to choose me over his insane manipulative family..but that's just me..after almost 6 years of their bullsh*t I'm tired of it.
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
marymoon...
sorry.... back story: ALL of Fh's family is all going down to Virginia today to do Christmas.. the whole family is gonna be there......
somehow him & I werent invited. everyone else knew but us.
this sister having the party was here in NY for a day and said to come over to her friends house to do gifts.....
i call it a 'pity party'!
RedHead
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
well i guess my opinion is....you can sit there and whine about how badly you are being treated or you can suck it up for your fh o Christmas...This isn't just anyday, this is a day to give and maybe you should give in for the one day and fight the good fight (if you think it is worth it) another day!...this is his family and if he felt the need to go..you should support his decision. And just because you have a DH or FH, doens't mean that he must agree or listen to everything you say. If he thinks he is right maybe it is he who thinks YOU should be bending to help HIM!
And if you have a fh/dh that is close to his family...you will lose! Girls who think that their SO are going to drop their family and always choose them...are sadly mistaken
RedHead
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
Posted by lolita4life
marymoon...
sorry.... back story: ALL of Fh's family is all going down to Virginia today to do Christmas.. the whole family is gonna be there......
somehow him & I werent invited. everyone else knew but us.
this sister having the party was here in NY for a day and said to come over to her friends house to do gifts.....
i call it a 'pity party'!
obviously she is a biatch..and i feel for you. I kdon't know why she wold do that and obviously has 'issues'... But i guess if my DH wanted to go that bad...i would have sucked it up for the day. Your FH must have been really hurt since this was HIS SISTER! But i guess he has to work that crap out with her and maybe you should just stay out of it and support his decisions!
btrflygrl
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
I think you need therapy not for the act of cutting, and even though this was a first time and it was a dull knife, you were compelled to cut yourself to control the pain. That's what cutting is about. Control...you had no control of your FH actions, so you chose to control pain inflicted upon yourself.
You should both go to couples therapy before getting married. I went to therapy on my own before getting married and it really helped our relationship. But he also needs to support you and he needs to know how much he hurt you.
justshir
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
i agree with OCT2004BRIDE! but i just think you like drama. seek counseling... the two of you.
February05
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
i dont mean to overanalyze, but i think that just by you doing that, and then Asking if you need to go to therapy--- you know what the answer is. whatever you decide to do though- i think the 2 of you need to make a priority to resolve things like this in your relationship before marriage. Its not my place to comment on whether you should get married or not, but knowing how to cope/ deal with each others actions, and disagreements is something that needs to be figured out Now... not later. Marriage isnt a fix- it all... it doesnt make these kinds of things go away. good luck.
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
Posted by justshir
i just think you like drama.
why would you write that?! is that supposed to help or something?!
justshir
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
eh.. forget what i wrote.. i even apologize for it for i have yahooed 'people cutting themselves.' or in your case, attempting to with a dull knife. apparently there's a whole differnt plateau out there about people who do this as a norm and evading from the world they've grown in - all ultimately linked to depression. i cannot say i understand this because i've never had the unfortunate experience and thankful not to have. all i can say to try to relinquish myself from 'you just liking drama' is for you to seriously seek the help you need along with the support of your FI. lots of luck to ya.
lolita4life
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
thank you.. thats actually a good idea, i should read up on it. ive never really done it.. so i dont know if it is a serious thing or not... i personally dont think i need to see a therepist but i think its a good idea to ask you girls... a 2nd opinon is always helpful.
kdelace
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
take my advice and go to therapy- whether it be both of you or just you. therapy is not a bad thing. you need to work out your issues with each other. whoever posted before is exactly right. marriage does not fix problems-I learned that hard way. I only wish I wouldve have done that BEFORE I got married. therapy has made me wake up and realize many things in my life. and you are not crazy for getting so upset that you wanted to ease the pain by cutting yourself. but that is a sign that you are at a point where you need to talk to someone that is unbiased and resolve some things. good luck with whatever you decide!
Happybride2005
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Re: Do I Need Therepy? (Update to my vent about In'Laws)
put yourself in his shoes...i probaly felt like he was in the middle. i don't think he want to choose his family over you. you're lucky with the knife thing. it could've been worse. you both should go to therapy to talk this over.
