DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete)) updated
ugh nevermind.
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DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete)) updated
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
If you said you haven't heard from her in a while; how about just sending an e-mail saying Hi and asking how everything is doing?? Then from there you can see where the e-mail goes and then you can bring up her lack of involvement and your doubts about you wanting her in the party of vice versa.
It just doesn't sound like you really want her in the wedding; and i think if i got an e-mail like that from a friend then i woudln't think she really wanted me in the weding either. PLUS if a friend was getting married and even if i had assumed i had a role in her BP even with all my work & home distractions I'd be in touch with the planning. Like 'Hey let me know what's going on w/our dresses so i can plan accordinly' or something similar...Good luck
It just doesn't sound like you really want her in the wedding; and i think if i got an e-mail like that from a friend then i woudln't think she really wanted me in the weding either. PLUS if a friend was getting married and even if i had assumed i had a role in her BP even with all my work & home distractions I'd be in touch with the planning. Like 'Hey let me know what's going on w/our dresses so i can plan accordinly' or something similar...Good luck
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
Posted by Notwedyet08
If you said you haven't heard from her in a while; how about just sending an e-mail saying Hi and asking how everything is doing?? Then from there you can see where the e-mail goes and then you can bring up her lack of involvement and your doubts about you wanting her in the party of vice versa.
It just doesn't sound like you really want her in the wedding; and i think if i got an e-mail like that from a friend then i woudln't think she really wanted me in the weding either. PLUS if a friend was getting married and even if i had assumed i had a role in her BP even with all my work & home distractions I'd be in touch with the planning. Like 'Hey let me know what's going on w/our dresses so i can plan accordinly' or something similar...Good luck
I agree. Even if you definitely want them out, I would start just by sending a 'Hey, how's it going' email. Especially if you intend to stay friends with her after all of this. Otherwise she will probably take it as you want her out of the BP and may be offended/hurt. Maybe start off with the friendly e-mail, see how it goes from there, and then mention how you haven't heard from her lately and if she still wants to be in the BP. I HTH!
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
the fact that they've been the cause of drama for 12+ years just sounds like red flags to me. Especially since you don't consider them best friends. I can just see her complaining about something as your wedding draws closer...conflicts with rehersals; bridal shower; other parties. Do you really want that headache??
BUT on the other hand; i know you might think not having her will cause A LOT of stress too. I don't know-it's a very tough situation.
E-mail her and see where it goes from there. I just think if she were a true friend you guys would have been in contact with what your plans are etc.
BUT on the other hand; i know you might think not having her will cause A LOT of stress too. I don't know-it's a very tough situation.
E-mail her and see where it goes from there. I just think if she were a true friend you guys would have been in contact with what your plans are etc.
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
What has FH said about this??
I think you have to think more in the future - for example, if her and hubby are not IN the wedding will they still be invited? If you keep her as a BM (going w/ another bride said) how will that affect your shower, bachelorette and other wedding related things.
IMO - if you don't talk to her and feel that things are on the fence, then I would send the e-mail. B/c you don't want her in your bridal party - you haven't said much to make it seem like she will be a good BM and one that will be there for you.
BUT if you kick her to the curb and still invite them to the wedding that may be a little awkward - counting on how she takes the e-mail. But that can be based on her mood for the day.
On the flip side - test the waters a bit. Maybe only send like half of the e-mail - send stuff about checkin in and seeing how they are doing. Making sure they are okay and are okay with you and FH. Then see what her response is and then take it from there as to how to remove her from your bridal party.
I think you have to think more in the future - for example, if her and hubby are not IN the wedding will they still be invited? If you keep her as a BM (going w/ another bride said) how will that affect your shower, bachelorette and other wedding related things.
IMO - if you don't talk to her and feel that things are on the fence, then I would send the e-mail. B/c you don't want her in your bridal party - you haven't said much to make it seem like she will be a good BM and one that will be there for you.
BUT if you kick her to the curb and still invite them to the wedding that may be a little awkward - counting on how she takes the e-mail. But that can be based on her mood for the day.
On the flip side - test the waters a bit. Maybe only send like half of the e-mail - send stuff about checkin in and seeing how they are doing. Making sure they are okay and are okay with you and FH. Then see what her response is and then take it from there as to how to remove her from your bridal party.
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
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This may sound harsh, but I would just tell her that she's no longer in the bridal party for the above reasons that you have mentioned. You can gently put it to her saying that you don't think it's going to work out with the time/effort committment and that you are not mad because you understand that she has a family and you are both in two different stages of your life.
When picking your bridesmaids I feel that you have to think about the people in your life who won't be causing stress for your throughout the whole wedding process and especially on your big day. You will be stressed enough! You don't need any more additional stress that your friend already seems to be causing.
Just bite the bullet. If she's a true friend, she will understand (and it may be a relief for her - since she's really 'busy') and she's still invited to the wedding. If she gets upset, no huge loss since you said you don't consider her a best friend anyway.
When picking your bridesmaids I feel that you have to think about the people in your life who won't be causing stress for your throughout the whole wedding process and especially on your big day. You will be stressed enough! You don't need any more additional stress that your friend already seems to be causing.
Just bite the bullet. If she's a true friend, she will understand (and it may be a relief for her - since she's really 'busy') and she's still invited to the wedding. If she gets upset, no huge loss since you said you don't consider her a best friend anyway.
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
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I would totally tell her she's out. And if she's not going to be a friend and won't come to the wedding because of it, then it's two less mouths to feed. ![]()
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete))
Posted by MrsLaT2be
I would totally tell her she's out. And if she's not going to be a friend and won't come to the wedding because of it, then it's two less mouths to feed.![]()
haha I did need to trim the fat on that list.
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Re: DO NOT QUOTE ((I'm going to delete)) updated
bump.
