Do you find that......?

Goldi1021 Posted: May 30, 2005 09:18 PM

Do you find that......?

...when people find out that you are engaged, they offer you unsolicited marital advice?

My sister is always telling me how 'it isn't as easy as I think' or 'it's not all it's cracked up to be' or something else that I never asked to hear. My brother says 'You will learn that when you are married that you will have to learn to compromise.'

NO DUH!!!

And I am thinking 'Gee thanks guys, I didn't realize that you guys got bit by Dr. Phil so unless you are going to hand me a bill for $75 for 45 minutes worth of therapy, leave me the hell alone and shut the F up.'

Anyone else find this happens or am I the only crank pot out there?

CKJ906 Posted: May 30, 2005 09:21 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

Last night some girl told me 'oh the first two years are great, after that it's all downhill!'

M&LSept1606 Posted: May 30, 2005 09:22 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

I'll join the crank pot.

my sisters make comments like that all the time. actually my brothers do too. It drives me nuts!!!

it makes you think...are they all just unhappy? kinda Sad.

M&LSept1606 Posted: May 30, 2005 09:23 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

Posted by CKJ906

Last night some girl told me 'oh the first two years are great, after that it's all downhill!'

that's classic.....did you say 'thanks'?

jaclyncalderon Posted: May 30, 2005 09:30 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

I havne't really gotten any advice because I'm the oldest older than my sis....but do you guys feel like its gonna be easy? I've been with FH for 7 years now and we've lived together for 2 1/2...and we are married now except for the paper...we have joint accounts..etc

Goldi1021 Posted: May 30, 2005 09:44 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

Marriage cant always be easy, but I just hate when people find the need to tell me.

coxmandi Posted: May 30, 2005 09:46 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

People are always giving me 'advice'

-Why did you have an engagement longer than a year?? You didn't need that
-You're Catholic, you'll probably have a honeymoon baby (from my male Boss...umm no I won't)
-You're too young (I'm 25, FH is 28)
-Marriage is hard

Jen2999 Posted: May 30, 2005 10:06 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

Dude. all one of the women I work with says is how horrible marriage is and that it is allright in the beginning and till you have your kids and then it is just tolerating the other person

06NovBride Posted: May 30, 2005 10:09 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

Two of my coworkers are divorced, one recently and they constantly ask me if i'm sure I want to get married. Idiots.

Goldi1021 Posted: May 30, 2005 10:18 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

I once asked my mom how she was able to stay married to one man for so long. She said that when you first get married, you are head over heels in love, having sex everywhere and all the time (ew - my parents and sex - ew) and holding hands. But after time. your marriage becomes more of a friendship and a co-existence. You may not have that 'head-over-heels' feeling, but still you cannot imagine living your life without that person. That person is your best friend.

In my life time of people watching, I have only seen two couples that were able to demonstrate that 'lovey-dovey' feeling throughout their marriages. Does that mean that everyone else has a lousy one? No. I don't think so. I think people need to realize that things change over time. If you can learn to live with that, then you CAN have a long and healthy marriage. so you don't have sex on the kitchen table after being married 23 years. I think most of us can live with that.

Jen2999 Posted: May 30, 2005 10:29 PM

Re: Do you find that......?

I sometimes get sad because FH and I will have been dating 7 yeas by the time of our wedding and I see some 'new' couples ad couple who got engaged only after a short time and it seems they are so 'in love' and the fact is we have bills and jobs and the romance just isnt easy when we are both living at home. I am hoping once we hanve out own lives and place to live etc that we will be able to have some romance and giddiness again

conigs25 Posted: May 31, 2005 06:03 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

YEP!!! And I HATE when people say 'Its not all its cracked up to be' (nothing against your sis) but most of the people i know who say that are in bad relationships so..... I wanna say, 'hey a$$hole, I didnt marry a jacka$$ like you did'

MrsP2Be Posted: May 31, 2005 07:37 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Posted by coxmandi

-Why did you have an engagement longer than a year?? You didn't need that

I get that one all the time. Why are you dragging your feet after being together so long? Because I want to go at a nice slow pace so I can enjoy it & not rush everything.

7706bride Posted: May 31, 2005 08:14 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

I have heard all of them.

Goldi1021 Posted: May 31, 2005 08:30 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Posted by MrsP2Be

Posted by coxmandi

-Why did you have an engagement longer than a year?? You didn't need that

I get that one all the time. Why are you dragging your feet after being together so long? Because I want to go at a nice slow pace so I can enjoy it & not rush everything.

I get that and FH and I are only together a little more than a year. People want us to get married by the end of THIS year. Honestly, its nobody's business, but my sister has been planning my nephews Bar Mitzvah for three years now and to plan a wedding right before or right after may keep certain family members on my side from going to both functions. It is an expense when you consider out of town travel expenses plus gifts. Also, we want a winter wedding so we can have more people at a lower cost per plate.

Blu-ize Posted: May 31, 2005 08:34 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Ya know that as long as you give your DH regular beatings it will all be great!

works for me!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: May 31, 2005 08:41 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Posted by Jen2999

I sometimes get sad because FH and I will have been dating 7 yeas by the time of our wedding and I see some 'new' couples ad couple who got engaged only after a short time and it seems they are so 'in love' and the fact is we have bills and jobs and the romance just isnt easy when we are both living at home. I am hoping once we hanve out own lives and place to live etc that we will be able to have some romance and giddiness again

You will...don't worry. Its so much fun living together in your own place.

As for marriage advice, I don't get much of that. And even though we have a long engagement, I haven't really had many negative comments. Probably because people at work figure that I'll be able to get more done if I'm not rushing around wedding planning!

kellwolfe Posted: May 31, 2005 08:46 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Yes completely ...... and it REALLY bugs me sometimes esp. from certain people

LMFitz Posted: May 31, 2005 10:42 AM

Re: Do you find that......?

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mom how she was able to stay married to one man for so long. She said that when you first get married, you are head over heels in love, having sex everywhere and all the time (ew - my parents and sex - ew) and holding hands. But after time. your marriage becomes more of a friendship and a co-existence. You may not have that 'head-over-heels' feeling, but still you cannot imagine living your life without that person. That person is your best friend.

In my life time of people watching, I have only seen two couples that were able to demonstrate that 'lovey-dovey' feeling throughout their marriages. Does that mean that everyone else has a lousy one? No. I don't think so. I think people need to realize that things change over time. If you can learn to live with that, then you CAN have a long and healthy marriage. so you don't have sex on the kitchen table after being married 23 years. I think most of us can live with that.

Amen! My Dad, while married to wife #2 (Mom was wife #1 for 22 years, then wife #2 for 9 years, and now onto wife #3 ) - but while married to wife #2 he commented to me that one lesson he'd like to pass onto me and my sister is that love can change - and that's OK. In his words, 'If someone had told me that years ago, I'd still be married to your mom' . So after throwing my drink at him and storming out (I was working 3 jobs to pay for my own education - and helping mom pay the mortgage - because he couldn't do a thing for me), I did hear what he said - - and I've certainly experienced forms of it in my 5+ years with FI.