Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
CurlyQ
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Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Hi- Hoping someone can help me out.... I have a friend who had me in her wedding last Oct. Since the wedding, we've only seen eachother twice (she lives in LI, I'm in NYC). We've been friends (on and off) since HS and she is the only friend that I have a strange friendship with....like I never have real fights or times that I don't speak to friends....except with her. Anyway, I don't know if I want to have her in the wedding. She hasn't mentioned anything about it to me yet, but I'm sure she figures she'll be part of it. Do I have to reciprocate???
Bunnymonkey
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
NO! Don't feel obligated. If you want her in the wedding, go for it, but don't do it just because you feel obligated.
If she is the kind of friend you are prone to fighting with, this would be the time it would come out.
CurlyQ
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Don't know if she's feel uncomfortable with my other friends b/c she is very shy and can come off as a ***** b/c she is really quiet. That's the other reason that I'm hesitate of having her. Plus, my mom doesn't really like her, though it's none of my mom's business, but she likes to give her opinion all the day. I just want to look back and hopefully I will maintain friendships with the girls in the BP for years to come.
DebMaher
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I don't think you HAVE to ask anyone. Your day--pick who you please.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Yes, it is your day and your choice, but if it were me I would be hurt that I wasn't cared enough about to be included. If you think she will feel uncomfortable, ask her and let her be the one to say no. If you want her to still think of you as she did when she asked you to be in her BP, I think you owe it to her to reciprocate.
ETA: If you don't care about her friendship any more, then don't worry about her feelings as much as what you want. I definitely wouldn't choose based on what your mother does or doesn't want--my mother has had no interaction whatsoever with my BP....
DebMaher
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Well, there are other things you can ask someone to be -- a reader, for example?
LisaT
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I was MOH for a friend of mine that I then did not have in my wedding party. Bottom line was I had 4 sisters (2 mine, 2 his) and 2 VERY close friends that I wanted in. So I already had 6, and I always felt weird that I was her MOH since we weren't THAT close.
But she chose not to have any family, and of the 3 friends in her BP, I made sense as MOH since I was close with her DH and had a hand in getting them together.
But she was never a consideration for my BP and we're closer friends now.
So do what you want.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Hmm...I can see how it would be a different story if you had several sisters instead of her....
CurlyQ
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I'm having 10 ppl in my BP- MOH is my sister, then I have FSIL, my half sister, and my step sister, a cousin and then 5 friends. I guess I can ask the friend in question and see what she says....just don't want her to feel obligated to say yes, b/c she isn't that social.
slwh2005
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
It sounds like you don't want her in it. You should have who you want. It's YOUR day!!!
Jan05Bride
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Posted by slwh2005
It sounds like you don't want her in it. You should have who you want. It's YOUR day!!!
I agree. I have been it waay too many bridal parties to include all the girls in ... I just did family.
Plus, some of the bridal parties I was in years ago I am not even close friends with these people any more ... think about where your future will take you - will this person be in your life in a year, 5 years? Don't put someone in just because you feel bad - it's your day - do what makes you happy.
CurlyQ
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I don't want to hurt her feelings and I will probably ask her, if we speak in the next few months. I was curious to see if now that I'm engaged if we'd speak more....she came to the city for my bday party last wkend, so maybe things will pick up with our friendship.
CubanBride
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
No. Simple as that.
David'sbride
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Absolutely not. I'm the last one of my friends and was asked to be in so many weddings over the years. If I had to reciprocate I'd have a bridal party larger than my guest list... well almost.
MrsK-in-June05
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I have not talked to her since the wedding. Not my fault, hers. I guess the distance just came btwn us. She is not even invited to my wedding.
kissy27
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
You do not have to ask her to be part of your wedding party...I always feel those in the wedding party are the ones that are closest to you & know you the best...
Donna
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
No you don't. I was a MOH for a very good friend at the time - now we rarely speak at all so she was not even considered as a member of my bridal party.
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I am having someone in my bridal party solely because I was in her's. It's a bad feeling. I don't recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, it is too late for me.
G&D
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
I had a similiar situation. I was in the bridal party for my friend about 2 years ago. She moved after the wedding and we lost touch slowly and now I have not talked to her for almost 1 year. I didnt ask her to be in the bridal party...she knows that she is not and has not said anything. I would feel really bad if I just asked her to reciprocate. If she does ask I am going to explain that I am keeping it small...I am only having my sister and my best friend who I have been friends with since the second grade.
CurlyQ
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Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???
Thanks for all of your comments! I really don't see us being so close in years to come. HH and FH don't have anything in common and the one time the 4 of us hung out, it was kinda awkward. I am going to wait and see what happens over the next few months.
