Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???

Original post by CurlyQ

Sep 14, 2004 08:28 PM

Hi- Hoping someone can help me out....
I have a friend who had me in her wedding last Oct. Since the wedding, we've only seen eachother twice (she lives in LI, I'm in NYC). We've been friends (on and off) since HS and she is the only friend that I have a strange friendship with....like I never have real fights or times that I don't speak to friends....except with her. Anyway, I don't know if I want to have her in the wedding. She hasn't mentioned anything about it to me yet, but I'm sure she figures she'll be part of it.
Do I have to reciprocate???

Marisa&Brian Posted: Sep 15, 2004 03:05 PM

Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???

No you do not have to include her - there is NO obligation. - my hugest pet peeve is people who assume they are included, or have the nerve to approach you when they are not.
If you are not as close w/ her, or you ALREADY feel she may cause problems, do yourself a favor and leave her out !!!!
Just b/c she asked you does NOT mean you are obligated to ask her

FrescaBride Posted: Sep 15, 2004 03:17 PM

Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???

No, you don't have to include her. I'd choose wisely and choose those you are closest to.
And if I chose everyone that FH and I have been part of their wedding party, it will be like 20+.
So choose those that your heart tell you and those that are meaningful for you. Good Luck!!!

livestar24 Posted: Sep 15, 2004 03:48 PM

Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???

Posted by FLaCaTaCa

I am having someone in my bridal party solely because I was in her's. It's a bad feeling. I don't recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, it is too late for me.

I am in the same boat. I have a friend who I have not been close with over the last two years but because I was in her wedding this August she assumed she was in mine. I really don't want her in it but I couldn't bring myself to say anything on the contrary because it would end the friendship. I thought it wasn't worth it to start a fight over this and end a friendship. She is already stressing me out about details though.

Everyone said to me 'do what you want' and 'it's your day' but you will soon find out that there are a lot of other people's feelings you have to take into consideration for your wedding. I wish I would have been bold enough to listen that it was my day and I could do what I wanted.

If you don't want to hurt this girl's feelings instead of having her as a bridesmaid maybe you should have her as a reader (as someone already suggested) or some other role.

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Sep 15, 2004 03:58 PM

Re: Do you have to invite someone to be a BM if you were in their wedding???

Posted by livestar24

Posted by FLaCaTaCa

I am having someone in my bridal party solely because I was in her's. It's a bad feeling. I don't recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, it is too late for me.

I am in the same boat. I have a friend who I have not been close with over the last two years but because I was in her wedding this August she assumed she was in mine. I really don't want her in it but I couldn't bring myself to say anything on the contrary because it would end the friendship. I thought it wasn't worth it to start a fight over this and end a friendship. She is already stressing me out about details though.

Everyone said to me 'do what you want' and 'it's your day' but you will soon find out that there are a lot of other people's feelings you have to take into consideration for your wedding. I wish I would have been bold enough to listen that it was my day and I could do what I wanted.

If you don't want to hurt this girl's feelings instead of having her as a bridesmaid maybe you should have her as a reader (as someone already suggested) or some other role.

Agreed! Many other people's feeling are involved when planning a wedding. It's a sucky situation.