Does anyone else feel really awful for making the BMs pay all this money for a dress they'll probably never wear again?
My BM dresses are $100, and my MOH's is about $200 (plus alterations) and i feel so guilty!
allegracristina
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I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Part of being in a wedding is paying for your dress/tux. DH was in a wedding in September and he paid $150+ for his tux rental. I was just in KerriJohnS's wedding, which I said yes to being in. The dress came out to $163 after tax and shipping and a rush order. The alterations were $75, shoes were $65. Makeup was $100 plus tip (I chose to have my makeup done). Hair luckily was freeeeee because my SIL is a hair stylist! Basically, any mature adult that says YES to being in a bridal party, should know the basic expectations: Buy your dress, be at the wedding. Those are the two basics. Other than that each bride is different in what she expects from her bm.
When I picked my bm dresses I realized they were over $200 and decided to buy them as their gift to each girl. It was a huge expense, but it was something I budgeted for ahead of time. I made each of them garment bags with their names and decorated them, and gave them out at my shower. I didn't want anyone to have to drop out based on financial reasons, and I thought this was the perfect way to do it! I had 3 OOT bm and they were already incurring a ton of expenses from traveling for my shower, and the wedding and all.
I do know what you mean, but I don't think you should feel guilty at all
Golden
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Well you shouldn't. Your dress prices are actually pretty reasonable and along with accepting to be a BM or MOH is accepting the costs involved so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you'd do it for them in a heart beat.
Also, I let my girls pick their own dresses so they can one day wear it again. Maybe opt for that...just an idea!
KrisD72310
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I did, but it turns out I'm spending a lot of money on their gifts so I don't feel that bad.
Lsorrent
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Nope.....it's part of the responsibility of being in a bridal party. And I would do the same for any one of my friends........in fact, I have.
july2011bride
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I feel a little guilty. I took my girls shopping so far ahead of the wedding to give them time to make small payments on their dresses so it doesn't feel like a huge expense. I also before hand discussed a price range and what they were comfortable spending and I gave them a color and let them pick their own dresses.
AngnShaun
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i do... i feel guilty about everything involved in the wedding except the bparty!
AwaitingAugust
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Yeah, i checked with the bridesmaids about whether they liked their dress or not (and they loved it so that was easy).
I'm just uneasy about the $200 MOH dress because i know she's not very financially well off ... maybe i'll help her out by paying for her alterations or something ... or maybe we'll just find a cheaper dress (we're off to David's Bridal sometime this week)
thanks for the support, ladies
FutureMrsLMS
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I dont have a bridal party but if I did, my mom and I had already budgeted so that we would pay for all the BM and MOG dresses.
I would feel very angry if I were asked to be a bridesmaid and then be forced to pay several hundred dollars for a dress I may never wear again. For that reason, I have never served as a bridesmaid. I would hate to make that imposition on anyone else for MY wedding.
As its stands, we are paying for the MOB gown and also I am paying for my fiance's mother's dress because her sense of style is quite atrocious!
KTnChris
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i don't feel guilty. it comes with the territory. i didn't ask anyone who i thought it would be a financial problem for. plus the girls i asked i have already been in their wedding or are supposed to be in the future.
Cacarina
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I didn't feel guilty at all. The dress was expensive ($300) but I asked them all if they were okay, and they were because they LOVED the dress. Plus, 3 of my 5 bridesmaids were sisters/sils and I did it for all of them. The other two are my best friends and I know that I'll be returning the favor one day when they get married. It's just how it is when you are a Bridesmaid.
Elana
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I do... plus hair and make up. I'm not sure what to do about the latter. I'll probably make it optional, but most will want to do it I'm sure. I may decide to pay for the dress or hair/make-up, as a gift.
halfbaked
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All the time. Though I feel less guilty knowing that they've had a full year to save up $150 for a dress. But I know that's not the only thing they'll spend money on.
allegracristina
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Posted by FutureMrsLMS
I dont have a bridal party but if I did, my mom and I had already budgeted so that we would pay for all the BM and MOG dresses.
I would feel very angry if I were asked to be a bridesmaid and then be forced to pay several hundred dollars for a dress I may never wear again. For that reason, I have never served as a bridesmaid. I would hate to make that imposition on anyone else for MY wedding.
As its stands, we are paying for the MOB gown and also I am paying for my fiance's mother's dress because her sense of style is quite atrocious!
You're not 'forced to pay' hundreds of dollars. Just like you said, that's why you haven't ever been a bridesmaid. I think it's sad to be angered by paying for a bm dress, because that means you will always miss out on the joy and pride of being part of a loved ones wedding party. When your best friend asks you to be their Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid, it does come with *some* financial attachments, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just the way it is. Even if you pay for the dress there are still other things to be paid for.
Having said that, I did pay for all 8 of my bridesmaid's $250+ dresses because I felt bad making them pay for them and it was a ton of money!!! I budgeted for it ahead of time, and I paid for their dresses, but man it was a lot! My Maid and Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids contributed for my shower, which was hosted at a close family friend's house. There were other things the girls paid for like hair and makeup.
Edited for spelling.
AwaitingAugust
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I'm having them wear any shoe they want (though all have the same style and color), and hair and makeup is completely up to them.
So their only real expense is the dress and alterations, and whatever shoes they wear (assuming they don't already have one in the right style/color)
gina409
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Re: Does anyone else feel terrible for ...
Posted by FutureMrsLMS
I dont have a bridal party but if I did, my mom and I had already budgeted so that we would pay for all the BM and MOG dresses.
I would feel very angry if I were asked to be a bridesmaid and then be forced to pay several hundred dollars for a dress I may never wear again. For that reason, I have never served as a bridesmaid. I would hate to make that imposition on anyone else for MY wedding.
As its stands, we are paying for the MOB gown and also I am paying for my fiance's mother's dress because her sense of style is quite atrocious!
this is why people ask to be i a bp..people forget that if u cant afford it or simply dont want to you can always say no...noone forces anyone to do anything
my girls paid for the dresses and were more than happy because they wanted to be part of our day..the same way i was happy to pay for my own whn they got married
2009Bride2Be
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Dont feel terrible and dont feel guilty... If they are your real friend they wont mind to do those things for you because they know you would do that for them... And they should WANT to do those things for you BECAUSE you are their friend and they agreed to be in your wedding party and know ALL the responsibilities of being in a wedding party...
$100 is NOT bad at all! Dont worry! =) Enjoy your time being the bride! DONT let anyone make you feel guilty or take that away from you... Its not worth it to let anyone make you feel that way and like I said if they are your real friend they wouldnt...
If someone is going through a finanacial hardship thats different and they should talk to you one and one to express any concerns they have... Thats what I would do if something came up that I really couldnt afford...
ETA: Allegra I couldnt agree with you more!
April_Luv
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Thats why i'm letting my girls pick their own dress. As long as its from Bari Jay., Mocah color and satin---im good!
Lu2700
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nope! cause i'm gonna have to do it for all of them!
julesrbf
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No. I was happy to be a part of my friend's day in such an honor-filled way. I know my BMs felt the same.
If they had financial difficulties I would have also been more than happy to help out, but none of them did nor would they have even allowed me to, most likely.
