Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
MikeandLisa
Posted:
Member since
Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
how do you cope? are you worried about them at the wedding?
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
that will NOT be your problem that day. assign a 'chaperone' to watch this person - make the 'chaperone' alert the bartenders to water down their drinks and try to limit their consumption w/out bring obvious. . . .everyone probably knows the deal and will be looking out for you and making sure this person will NOT ruin your wedding.
eta: if this is someone very close to you maybe you can check out Al-Anon. . .good luck hun!
MikeandLisa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Posted by ant n tilde
that will NOT be your problem that day. assign a 'chaperone' to watch this person - make the 'chaperone' alert the bartenders to water down their drinks and try to limit their consumption w/out bring obvious. . . .everyone probably knows the deal and will be looking out for you and making sure this person will NOT ruin your wedding.
eta: if this is someone very close to you maybe you can check out Al-Anon. . .good luck hun!
thanks for the hugs... it worries me so much (not just for the wedding) its hard when a person doesnt even want to help themselves. i will have to try to turn my head away at the wedding - not the time to deal with it.
Lucky0510
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Posted by MikeandLisa
how do you cope? are you worried about them at the wedding?
Both my parents are alcoholics and a few of my uncles. I am very worried my father will get out of hand and start one of his drunk rants. We considered not having alcohol at all... but then we decided it wasnt fair to us. So, I guess if he gets out of hand at the wedding we will have to have some of the groomsmen escort him out but... hopefully it wont come to that. I am hoping that as we get closer to the wedding I can talk to him and my mom about it and come to an understanding that they can't over do it. Since they are adults its impossible to tell them what to do.. .but hopefully it wont be an issue
Mmnnng
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
I have more recovering alcoholics then active ones...but the biggest active one is my brother, who for this reason, I cannot trust not to ruin my weddings and will not be attending.
Its sad, but I can't change who they are!
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Posted by MikeandLisa
Posted by ant n tilde
that will NOT be your problem that day. assign a 'chaperone' to watch this person - make the 'chaperone' alert the bartenders to water down their drinks and try to limit their consumption w/out bring obvious. . . .everyone probably knows the deal and will be looking out for you and making sure this person will NOT ruin your wedding.
eta: if this is someone very close to you maybe you can check out Al-Anon. . .good luck hun!
thanks for the hugs... it worries me so much (not just for the wedding) its hard when a person doesnt even want to help themselves. i will have to try to turn my head away at the wedding - not the time to deal with it.
\
i know what you mean - they make you feel so helpless. there is only so much you can do to help an adult
if they know you are there for them when the time comes. . . .they will come to you for support. Until then there is not much you can do after several failed attempts.
have you spoken to this person about their problem? would you be able to mention your concerns about the actual wedding day to them. . .i dont know if that would work though - who knows what they think sometimes!
diva7531
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Yes, you pray for the best and make the parent dances right after the first dance, well at least that is what I am doing!!!
davenjess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
My mom is - we haven't 'discussed' it with her as of yet though - long trail of denial there..
Yes - i'm worried about the wedding honestly... She got rather inflated at my brothers' wedding a few years back...i don't know what we're going to do...
I am so sorry you have to deal with this!!!!
My thoughts are with you!!!
Mich0621
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
You can tell the RH to stop serving people after a certain amount...they are liable for anyone who is trashed...also ask some people to keep an eye on anyone who you are concerned about!
BNBride60
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Tomorrow we are bringing my FBIL to the Drug Treatment and Education Center at LIJ Hospital (aka Rehab). We just found out he has a pain killer addiction...I know this prob is not the same as alcohol addiction in terms of how it will effect the way someone acts at my wedding, but I figured maybe I could get some support from anyone else out there. I've known my FBIL longer than I've known FH - we went to school together in the same grades - I'm taking it pretty rough...
jenn122397
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
i agree with tilde - have a guradian to look out for the persons alcohol consumption and have a plan to maybe ask them to leave or something if tehy become out of control
stlmn2u
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Posted by Jess125483
Tomorrow we are bringing my FBIL to the Drug Treatment and Education Center at LIJ Hospital (aka Rehab). We just found out he has a pain killer addiction...I know this prob is not the same as alcohol addiction in terms of how it will effect the way someone acts at my wedding, but I figured maybe I could get some support from anyone else out there. I've known my FBIL longer than I've known FH - we went to school together in the same grades - I'm taking it pretty rough...
You just have to stay strong for him and yourself.... In a way, it is the same as an alcohol addiction... Addiction is a disease....I've been going through this for 3 yrs with my BIL and my sister.... It is very tough....If he wants the help you are giving him, he will take it and succeed.... Good luck....You are in my thoughts and prayers..... If you need to talk about it, FM me....I can tell you what I've been going through with my family.... HTH!!!
Valor06
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
I do and I don't want them there...of course when this is a problem there are always other problems that follow. This same member did attend my sisters wedding and I have to say they did very well. Sometimes the pressure to act good comes because there is more then those who know there is a problem in attendance.
040508Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
such a tough situation. I'd def. call your RH and give them a heads up...see what they suggest. It's hard to 'assign' someone to watch out for someone elses issues bc not for nothing, that person you assign would rather be celebrating your marriage then babysitting....so i'd def talk to the RH and tell them the situation. I'm sure they have gone through this with other brides. good luck. The cut off thing sounds best to me.
mbm698
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
I have several family members who thank god have gotten help and no longer drink. But I understand the heartache and pain of watching family members drinking too much. You are always afraid of what they might do next or what they might say. Anyway, first thing you have to realize is unfortunately, they won't get help until they are ready. Maybe you should go to an Al-anon meeting - the people attending the meeting know what you are going through. Finally, with regards to your wedding, you might want to consider hiring a wedding coordinator. When I spoke to a DOC, she told me that sometimes the bride and groom hire them to keep an eye on an out of control relative. The DOC can work with the catering hall to limit your relatives alcohol and they won't even know that this is happening. Its worth a thought and the peace of mind. Good luck.
LVC8
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Both of my parents are 'chemically dependent' but both are clean and sober. My mom had a slip-up recently with prescription narcotics, i.e. percocets, oxycodones, ativans, xanax, etc. Really heavy and highly addictive stuff. She had to go to the hospital to detox. My dad is an alcoholism and drug addiction counselor, and he told me that prescription drug abuse is the number one form of chemical dependency in the US. I could go on and on about how prescription drugs are worse than street drugs, but the bottom line is that whether its alcohol or other, some people cannot control themselves with these kinds of substances. It really is a stress for those who love them, myself included, so I feel your frustration.
If this helps I can share what I decided to do to quietly honor my parents and others - we're having a sparkling apple cider toast instead of champagne. Of course, I can't state the reason why at the wedding because that would give away their anonymity, but it's a gesture. I wish the best for you and all of us with chemically dependent loved ones...
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
I feel so much better seeing other girls have this problem!!! anyway my mom was a huge alcoholic when I was younger. she stopped for about 7 years. then my brother died of an overdose (drugs) and her bf cheated on her and left her. so she is now back to drinking.
my mom loves to embarass me. or talk nonstop about my brother which depresses everyone. at our engagement party she had 5 people crying. it started feeling like a wake instead of a party! only when she's drunk she gets overly emotional like that. on top of that when we were letting people give speeches she missed all of them. then came inside, and gave a short one how I need a office job, not freelance modeling(embarassing!) then went on how I had to become a housewife not go around the country working. it really wasn't what anyone wanted to hear lol.
she also gets all sloppy. she fell at my cousins wedding in december, and wanted to sue floral terrace lol. when it was her fault for falling! anyway we usually just leave her alone, or by herself. fighting just causes problems. she won't be given a speech at our wedding that's for sure. we're going to try to monitor her drinking. probably won't work. so I'll just ignore her. anything else is impossible. I am not fighting with her on my wedding day. at least I know where I get my stubborness from.
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does anyone have a close family member who is an alcoholic?
Posted by LVC8
Both of my parents are 'chemically dependent' but both are clean and sober. My mom had a slip-up recently with prescription narcotics, i.e. percocets, oxycodones, ativans, xanax, etc. Really heavy and highly addictive stuff. She had to go to the hospital to detox. My dad is an alcoholism and drug addiction counselor, and he told me that prescription drug abuse is the number one form of chemical dependency in the US. I could go on and on about how prescription drugs are worse than street drugs, but the bottom line is that whether its alcohol or other, some people cannot control themselves with these kinds of substances. It really is a stress for those who love them, myself included, so I feel your frustration.
If this helps I can share what I decided to do to quietly honor my parents and others - we're having a sparkling apple cider toast instead of champagne. Of course, I can't state the reason why at the wedding because that would give away their anonymity, but it's a gesture. I wish the best for you and all of us with chemically dependent loved ones...
yeah I totally understand that part about how they are worse then street drugs. my brother died from mixing prescrips. and everyone always goes what from only prescription drugs?
