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Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

melissa410 Posted:

Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I cant STAND my FH anymore. He hasnt saved 1 dime towards this wedding.... BUT even worse hasnt SAVED a dime toward the engagement party either. Its like all on me is that a problem or am I bring selfish? Sometimes I just want to give up any foreget all about this wedding S_IT!!!!! Im so frustrated THEN he comes home today and says that hes buying a motorcycle......***

I said ' IF U BUT A F_CKIN MOTORCYCLE THIS WEDDING WILL NEVER HAPPEN AND IM OUT OF HERE'

Does anyone blame me or am I being dramatic. I cant do this all alone I almost feel he proposed to just do it cause we were together 3 years and everyone was askin the question ...I cant help but feel he just did it to shut everyone up. I feel if he really wanted to he would be more focused on saving for everything and not a motorcycle.

Please someone tell me if im crazy????? He seems to think so???
CrisiDrue Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I think you're perfectly SANE! I would be furious too! If it were my fiance, I would be expecting him to save for the wedding or a down payment on a house instead of a motorcycle!!!
poisonivy918 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I'd be pissed. I'm lucky all my fh has to do is save for the honeymoon. once a wedding is in the picture there should be no big purchases! my family would kill me if I ran out and suddenly bought a new car, cause they're paying for everything it's sort of like a slap in the face.

smplynluv Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I agree! He must not be realizing how expensive a wedding can be! Its good that you still have 2 years to go... Motorcycle: so not necessary at this point. Me and my fiance have agreed to save every penny we can because we want to pay for it all on our own. You need to have a talk with him. This should not be a one woman show!

melissa410 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

Its so bad that hes now saying that ' ohh we cant save all that money lets have a small wedding or a destination wedding' SO his dumb *** doesnt have to be responsible and f_ckin save his money and stop going to the bars and take this wedding seriously. Im ready to leave and never look back and find someone who really wants to marry me. I f things stay the same and dont change I WILL NEVER MAKE IT DOWN THE ISLE....Its so bad to say but I will not put up with this behavior much longer I will cancel the E Party B4 I have to pay for everything. Am I being irrational? I say this stuff to him and im starting to sound like a broken record to myself im sick of even talkin at this point.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!

what have I gotten myself into...
emcheung Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

i think you guys should sit down and talk about what your thoughts of what your ideal wedding should be. if he's thinking small wedding and you're thinking big, weekend long affair, then there's definitely going to be a problem. it helps to communicate, sometimes that fixes a lot of problems.

smplynluv Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

Oh, you are going to get into many fights planning this wedding, its unavoidable. But you are with him for a reason right? You said yes for a reason. Cool down a bit, talk with him and tell him that you can't, won't and shouldn't have to do this alone, you both are in it together from now on. He needs to start thinking about the future (like a house)... He'll realize all these new responsabilities.

melissa410 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I ve done it all im the one who wants a small wedding and he wanted the big one. I wanted to save a boat load of money have a small affair like 80-100 pp and call it a day and BUT A HOUSE.... But his older brother never had a wedding and HE HAS TO GIVE HIS MOTHER A DANCE....So im supposed to go into debt so ur mother can dance with u for 2 min and were supposed to spand 35,000 to do it. turn on the music and dance with her in the livingroom for petes sake. Come on IM SO DONE .... Ive tried talking we come to a conclusion then as soon as he gets paid hes ...at the mall, buyin gym memberships, vitamins, food, goin out to the bar, motorcycles, sneakers, hair cuts, the list goes on and on...... But he thinks we cant afford this. All it is, is that he doesnt want to afford it cause hes not done doing whatever it is hes doing..... Not on my watch buddy SORRY!!

Bridex100 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I think this is a larger financial discussion vs whether he wants to get married or not. This will go on when you buy a house, renovate your house, save up for you children's college, retirement, etc. etc.

In my relationship, I'm the spender while FH is the saver. He always nags me about how I live an unnecessary extravagant life. I don't know how many times he's expressed discontent when I bring home too many shopping bags, drop a g or two on a bag, go to the spa, etc.

He made me promise to save 20% of my salary and put my entire year end bonus into our savings account for the 'future'.

I don't like how FH is putting a cramp on my lifestyle but I know it's for the better good. If you have the same talk with your FH, I'm sure everything will work out.

Good luck.
melissa410 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I know I just cant worry about this anymore. Im waling up in the middle of the night worrying about how much postage is going to cost for 120 invites to go out for the e party and hes got not a care in the world. I spend as well dont get me wrong BUT I only do after ive put my weekly amount of money away in the wedding fung savings account. Im frustrated right now im sure I will calm down. I just sometimes wonder if its only me I think I am.
charisma Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

blu6385 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

dont worry i understand exactly how u feel!!!!!

Mrs.D08 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

He probably feels like he has alot of time since your wedding is in 2009, but little does he know how fast the time flies.

MCA1180 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

vmystique33 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!



I think it's time to have a loooooooooooong talk with your FH and do some soul searching on your own about this realtionship. It could just be a bad day / week, but it could also be symptomatic of something more serious.

I don't know anything other than what you've just posted here, but it sounds like there's a lot more to this than just saving money for the wedding. It sounds like he's a bit immature and you really seem to have valid reasons to fear he's not ready to get married. That doesn't mean he's not, but it does mean you guys need to talk about this!

Bear in mind that money and finances are the #1 thing couples fight about and the top reason for divorce -- You two need to put yourselves in a position where you are on the same page about finances and can make some compromises over money if need be. He came home and just told you he was buying a motorcycle?? If you two are going to get married, major purchases should be discussed before the decision is made.

You two really need to talk this out! It's the only way to work it out!
iamvocal72 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!



not worth it. It really isn't.

Seriously, give him the ring back and tell him that you MIGHT consider taking it back once he starts to save some money. If not, I would go and not look back.

You are young and beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you. Marriage is a serious thing and you both have to want the same things. You have to want to be on the same path together as partners. He is not behaving like a partner. He is behaving like a single guy. He doesn't get it. Couples therapy may help. It helped me and My FH. I would highly suggest it.

Good luck.

It's not worth the stress honey, take care of YOU first!
Autumn08 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I truly think you need to look at the big picture and not just the wedding. Decisions need to be made together especially financial ones.

Then you need to start a savings plan. I beleive many banks have an automatic savings plan. You can set it up that as the paycheck comes in the savings go right out. Then you pay bills.

Both of you need to come up with some goals. You aren't on the same page at all! You want your wedding and he wants his motorcycle. Maybe you can decide what 'we' want.
Snickers76 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

Your FH can still have a dance with his mother if you only invite 80-100 people. A nice wedding does not have to cost 35K. You will probably get money from your engagement party, which you can use towards the wedding. I would tell him that purchasing a motorcycle is a deal breaker for me. Not only are they dangerous, but they are EXPENSIVE!! He should be putting that money toward your future together. If he has a problem with that, then he has bigger issues that need to be addressed.
melissa410 Posted:

Re: Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

Thank all of you for all the great advice...... I know that if something does not change soon im going to have no choice BUT to give the ring back and worry about myself. I tried to talk this morning and it was a disaster. Hes just focusing on getting on the FDNY and its the only thing he really has going for him and its like OUR life doesnt fit into what he needs to do for himself right now. Im established in my job this is my career. Hes not and im ready to move foreward in my life and I dont think he is. Its sad...

But better I learn this now than making a HUGE mistake down the road.....

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