Does anyone other than me Feel like just GIVING UP!!!!!

I would be super p*ssed!! I hope he gets his priorities straight...FAST!!

I think you and your FH are in different places right now. It doesn't sound like he's ready to grow up and stop being selfish yet.

Give him a day to cool off and try talking to him about it again... but if he can't even TALK about finances / your life TOGETHER, then he's nowhere near ready for marriage.

Try counseling if he'll go!

But don't make a huge mistake now and regret it later. Take care of yourself and make sure FH is ready to be part of a marriage...

We had a huge TALK last night and he expressed alot to me and I can understand some of his worries about getting married and we still are. I had alot to do with it my nagging,pressure, i really didnt understand what he was going through and he didnt feel supported so he felt like all I cared about was me in a way. Hes deff. is the kind of guy that needs to be pushed and supported through everything. And im the type that does all by myself and if someones there great but if not I dont miss it. But we had a huge breakthrough and the spending going to stop and we made a plan to save and I have to stop with makin him feel tons of pressure cause the planning alone is going to do that. Thanx for everyones feedback and support it really helped be say the things I needed to say to him.

~Melissa

SOO happy that the two of you got to talk and work it out. Sounds like things are back on track!!

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Posted by melissa410

Thank all of you for all the great advice...... I know that if something does not change soon im going to have no choice BUT to give the ring back and worry about myself. I tried to talk this morning and it was a disaster. Hes just focusing on getting on the FDNY and its the only thing he really has going for him and its like OUR life doesnt fit into what he needs to do for himself right now. Im established in my job this is my career. Hes not and im ready to move foreward in my life and I dont think he is. Its sad...

But better I learn this now than making a HUGE mistake down the road.....

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Well this is a time for you guys to begin building your lives together. It takes time for it to register that it's no longer your money or his money rather it's our money. I know you are probably going to hate hearing this but you do have time. Take some time to not plan the wedding at first. Spend this time developing goals and building a strong relationship. I hated when everyone said enjoy the engagement. Because I was going through a similar situation as you. After a few months and some heated debates we did start looking around at halls. Once he sees what certain things are going to cost then it will help you make decisions together.

Also, another thing a friend pointed out to me is that he already made a commitment to you by asking you to marry him. Give it time to settle with him.

You need to have a serious talk with your fiance, and possibly go to pre-marital counseling. Because you sound like you have two very different attitudes towards money--not just the wedding, but money in general, and from what I understand, it's money issues that break up most couples.

And if he wants to dance with his mom, there's no reason he can't do it at a smaller, less expensive wedding. Our wedding is going to be 85 people and cost $10K, and there will be dancing. No mother/son dance because my FMIL passed away recently, but there could have been. And Timber Point isn't a Vet's hall or KoC hall, either.

Getting married because it's the 'right time of your life' and 'everyone else is' are the absolute WRONG reasons. It's why there's a 50% divorce rate. Get married because you really want to be together, because you're mature enough that you want to start a life together and maybe raise a family. Not because your friends are getting married.

Good luck.