Does this bother anyone else? - VENT

Does it bother anyone else when you are addressed as 'Mrs. His Name?'

My birthday is this week and I have gotten a few cards (from both sides of the family) addressed to Mrs. Patrick XXXXX. Do these people not realize that I still have my own first name?

When someone is addressing both of us, Mr. & Mrs. Patrick XXXXX is fine, but if you are addressing only me, I am Mrs. Jennifer XXXXX.

Am I over-reacting? DH thinks I am ungrateful that people remembered my birthday, which is not the case. I just feel that I have had my own first name for the last 30 (almost 31) years and that by taking his last name I didn't give up my own first name. I think people are stupid and that this is insulting. Maybe I'm just PMSing...

Still, I'd LOVE to send my FIL (one of the culprits) a birthday card next month addressed to Mr. Virginia XXXXX and let him see how it feels.

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Posted by JLP

Does it bother anyone else when you are addressed as 'Mrs. His Name?'

My birthday is this week and I have gotten a few cards (from both sides of the family) addressed to Mrs. Patrick XXXXX. Do these people not realize that I still have my own first name?

When someone is addressing both of us, Mr. & Mrs. Patrick XXXXX is fine, but if you are addressing only me, I am Mrs. Jennifer XXXXX.

Am I over-reacting? DH thinks I am ungrateful that people remembered my birthday, which is not the case. I just feel that I have had my own first name for the last 30 (almost 31) years and that by taking his last name I didn't give up my own first name. I think people are stupid and that this is insulting. Maybe I'm just PMSing...

Still, I'd LOVE to send my FIL (one of the culprits) a birthday card next month addressed to Mr. Virginia XXXXX and let him see how it feels.

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I think a lot of older women (at least the one's I know in their 60's & 70's) prefer 'Mrs. husband's name.' I have a few widows on the list (including both of my grandmother's) and they prefer to be addressed as Mrs. John Doe.

UGH!!! YES! I TOTALLY RELATE

it's like I lost my identity

I'm not Mrs. William S.

I'm Mrs. Dina S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, this doesn't bother me at all. It's an etiquette issue - some adhere to it, some don't ... I think most would it agree that in 2006 it's a bit outdated, but for all inents and purposes I don't think anyone was trying to make you feel like you lost your identity.

Here's a link to a site that states the etiquette for addressing a married woman...
http://www.harrisonpapers.com/CustomWording.html

I don't think anyone intended to make me feel a certain way, it just aggravated the $h!t out of me.

Glad I'm not the only one who is perturbed by this. DH thinks I'm crazy. We actually had an argument over this.

I had a BM that HATED this. I addressed my invites Mr. & Mrs. Man's name, Last Name but had to have hers redone by the calligrapher to read John and Jane Doe b/c she would have FLIPPED to see his name instead of hers.
She says, 'I agreed to take his last name, not his full name'.
I personally don't really mind.

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Posted by JLP

I don't think anyone intended to make me feel a certain way, it just aggravated the $h!t out of me.

Glad I'm not the only one who is perturbed by this. DH thinks I'm crazy. We actually had an argument over this.

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my DH gets annoyed when I complain about this as well.

I ask him 'how would feel if it was the other way around'? then he shuts up

I would actually prefer it, because I am not crazy about my new name!
I understand how you feel though, however the older folks used to use just the man's name, I still address my Godmother's cards that way. Younger wives I use their name though.....

I second the annoyance. My mother knows that my new name is MyName-HisName and she still sent our Xmas card to Mr. and Mrs. HisName.

But I guess I'm in the minority, 'cause I don't even like to be called 'Mrs' -- 'Ms' is my choice!

I am glad that I am not the only one! DH is very aware how I feel (noticeably while opening the wedding gifts).
That's why I was sure to be announced as Mr. & Mrs. my name & his name Doe. I do have a name!

That hasnt happened to me but if it did it would bug me too! Sounds a little old fashioned to me....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

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Posted by hbradio

That hasnt happened to me but if it did it would bug me too! Sounds a little old fashioned to me....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

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Thank you!

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Posted by samnjenna

I second the annoyance. My mother knows that my new name is MyName-HisName and she still sent our Xmas card to Mr. and Mrs. HisName.

But I guess I'm in the minority, 'cause I don't even like to be called 'Mrs' -- 'Ms' is my choice!

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my mom does the same thing - she knows that i did not take my husbands name and she still mails things to Mr. & Mrs. His last name

i expect my mom to properly address me

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Posted by akaMrsT

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Posted by JLP

Does it bother anyone else when you are addressed as 'Mrs. His Name?'

My birthday is this week and I have gotten a few cards (from both sides of the family) addressed to Mrs. Patrick XXXXX. Do these people not realize that I still have my own first name?

When someone is addressing both of us, Mr. & Mrs. Patrick XXXXX is fine, but if you are addressing only me, I am Mrs. Jennifer XXXXX.

Am I over-reacting? DH thinks I am ungrateful that people remembered my birthday, which is not the case. I just feel that I have had my own first name for the last 30 (almost 31) years and that by taking his last name I didn't give up my own first name. I think people are stupid and that this is insulting. Maybe I'm just PMSing...

Still, I'd LOVE to send my FIL (one of the culprits) a birthday card next month addressed to Mr. Virginia XXXXX and let him see how it feels.

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I think a lot of older women (at least the one's I know in their 60's & 70's) prefer 'Mrs. husband's name.' I have a few widows on the list (including both of my grandmother's) and they prefer to be addressed as Mrs. John Doe.

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I agree - working in Development - there's a lot of letters & invitations that go out to widow's that go by Mrs. John Doe. It just makes me think of old ladies - but some women like that.

I will be honest that I didn't think it would bother me but I just got a birthday card from my sister and she addressed it that way. I don't know if it was your post but it really annoyed me! Like I don't have an identity or anything

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Posted by ckgmwedding

I will be honest that I didn't think it would bother me but I just got a birthday card from my sister and she addressed it that way. I don't know if it was your post but it really annoyed me! Like I don't have an identity or anything

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It was my birthday cards that set me off too. Sorry if I caused this!

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Posted by Jan05Bride

Honestly, this doesn't bother me at all. It's an etiquette issue - some adhere to it, some don't ... I think most would it agree that in 2006 it's a bit outdated, but for all inents and purposes I don't think anyone was trying to make you feel like you lost your identity.

Here's a link to a site that states the etiquette for addressing a married woman...
http://www.harrisonpapers.com/CustomWording.html

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agreed!