FH and I have been dating since HS. I know ALL of the girls he has hooked up with before me. I actually have to hang out with some of them!
It really irks me that I have to SEE and TALK to these girls, and be nice, knowing some of the things they used to do together.
Am I being nuts? I mean, yes this was before we started dating...and I wouldnt mind if I didnt KNOW these girls or have to be FRIENDLY to them and hang out with them. But I do and that is what kills me!!!
Ugh! Just wondering if I was the only one...or I was crazy for feeling this way.
PrincessRose
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Yeah, FH used to date one of our BMs. I try not to think about what they did, but it wouldn't bother me so much. He also used to date another of my friends, but it was very platonic.
He's mine now, and as long as there's no one in the history who came along AFTER me, I'm okay with it.
But I do sympathise with your point - if FH were different I'd probably feel the same way.
Julestrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
I think it would bother me also. When FH and I first met one of his best friends used to be an ex girlfriend. 'first love' so to speak. And I had a hard time dealing with that, and I have yet to meet her, but on the rare occasion the do talk now I don't have a problem, but I definitely do see where you are coming from. And no you are not alone or crazy
brideinapril
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Yes - I have to say that it would bother me a little - especially that you see them and are friends with them. Just keep telling yourself that what happended in the past is the past and you are living in the here and now. He's yours now.
bedda26
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Why do you have to hang out with them?
wc0143
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by bedda26
Why do you have to hang out with them?
I was gonna ask the same thing! And if you've been dating since HS, when did he hookup with these girls?????
bm2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
I have to hang out with them because he is friends with some of them - apparently their whole 'group' in HS went round the circle so to speak...
and those he isnt friends with - are still friends with his other friends, dating his friends, etc. so they randomly show up at get-togethers.
*he is a couple years older so he was just leaving HS when we met ...
Edited for spelling!
Scoop
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
It would bug me but at least he is open and honest with you and you know everything there is to know. Can you limit the time you hang out with her?
bm2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by Scoop
It would bug me but at least he is open and honest with you and you know everything there is to know. Can you limit the time you hang out with her?
Well its not just ONE person...dont get me wrong, im not saying he slept with these girls, but just knowing that they were 'intimate' really bugs me having to put a smile on for them. I just get uncomfortable knowing stuff they used to do together.
I can understand why its annoying for him when I tell him I would rather not see these girls or hear about them - it happened ages ago - but he doesnt think i should be uncomfortable with it and I am! He doesnt have to hangout with or be friendly with any of the guys I ever hooked up with - so its not like he is put in the same position.
MCDO15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
JMO sounds like a trust issue deep down inside
before you known him shouldn't really influence anything that the 2 of you share today and tomorrow.
it would bother me for my FW to think that i still have feelings for an old flame or my first love....
BMD'sPeanut
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by MCDO15
JMO sounds like a trust issue deep down inside
Disagree
before you known him shouldn't really influence anything that the 2 of you share today and tomorrow.
Disagree
it would bother me for my FW to think that i still have feelings for an old flame or my first love....
Agree
BMD'sPeanut
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
I would never put myself in that position because I know I wouldn't be happy in that situation...If you're unhappy don't do it. I personally don't feel like this is something you have to force yourself to grin and bear.
bm2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
It is not that I dont trust him - and I dont think he holds feelings anymore. I am just uncomfortable having to be around them knowing their 'history' - It is more about my insecurities - is she prettier, better at XYZ, etc. Silly that I feel this way after all of these years? Probably, but it still doesnt change the fact that it makes me uncomfortable hanging out with a girl I know when she and him did certain things. And its not 'influencing' our relationship - i am merely pointing out that I am uncomfortable with it.
bm2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
I would never put myself in that position because I know I wouldn't be happy in that situation...If you're unhappy don't do it. I personally don't feel like this is something you have to force yourself to grin and bear.
Trust me, I try to avoid this at all costs - but if there is a party/get together or he and friends meet up at a bar, more than likely SOMEONE is there. And I dont want to hibernate and become a reckluse just because shes there.
I know it sounds like I am making FH to be this big man-whore. Its not like that - but I just cant shake it out of my head!!!
I think moreso because I am just having an 'insecure' phase...ugh i hate this!!!!
halloweenbride04
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
FSIL is still very good friends with FH's ex (of 6 years) and she had the audacity to bring her to FMIL's house the day of another FSIL's wedding. It bothered me that she was in 'my' territory since I'm so close with FH's family and we will not go to any of FSIL's get togethers for that same reason. So YES, it bothers me.
belleboyd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by MCDO15 before you known him shouldn't really influence anything that the 2 of you share today and tomorrow.
Agreed. Past history is just that - PAST. He's not carrying a torch is he?? Think of it this way -- you got him and they didn't!
My FH was dating my COUSIN before we got together. I KNOW they were intimate.. she used to ask me advice fer cripessakes! It doesn't bother me to hang out with her. Actually it bothers HER to hang out with me I think! Nor does it bother me to see any of the 2 or 3 other girls that I know he's been with. He made this commitment to me... I trust that he means it and those other girls (even my cousin) were just passing fancies. I get forever!
bedda26
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Let DH know that the situation really makes you uncomfortable.
I wouldn't like it one bit.
bm2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by bedda26
Let DH know that the situation really makes you uncomfortable.
I wouldn't like it one bit.
I did...he actually got MAD at me because I told him that AND then he told me I was crazy!
Niecey
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
I have to say when I first started dating this bothered me a lot. I felt like everywhere we went we had to hang out with a girl he hooked up with at one point - I mean everywhere. But as our relationship grew and we grew closer and more trust was developed this definitely went away with time. I think the trust thing was a major factor. Although we totally trusted each other - I wonder if it if we really did 1-2 years into our relationship.
Granted most of the girls are no longer part of his circle of friends so we don't see them very often, but one girl I am actually very close with now and a couple others I am very friendly with. I don't think about it anymore and if I do it is to tease DH and say what did you ever see in XYZ - they are so different from me? The only way it would annoy me is if one of these girls or him did somethign out of line or was super flirty...
eogara
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does this bother you?
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
I would never put myself in that position because I know I wouldn't be happy in that situation...If you're unhappy don't do it. I personally don't feel like this is something you have to force yourself to grin and bear.
Sometimes it's not quite that easy. FH's 'first' is now engaged to one of his best friends. We live directly across the hall from them and she has asked me to be in the wedding party. Time has definitely made this easier and we've become friends separately but at the same time there are still times that it's a little difficult. He is lucky in that he really doesn't know anyone that I dated/had a relationship with. However, sometimes you can't just 'not put yourself in that position.'
