Does this bother you?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I would never put myself in that position because I know I wouldn't be happy in that situation...If you're unhappy don't do it. I personally don't feel like this is something you have to force yourself to grin and bear.

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well..there is the trying factor...
instead of not putting yourself in a sticky sitatuion, try and be freinds and socialize. If it doesn't work out a few times, then i can see avoiding it.

if these peopple or still in somones life, they must be important and if your marrying that person, that person makes good choices 'most' of the time..

Are these girls in any relationships?

I consider myself lucky that I dont have to deal with this. FH does not talk to any of his exes.

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Posted by eogara

However, sometimes you can't just 'not put yourself in that position.'

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I respectfully disagree.

You always have options.

True, there are always going to be things someone can say you: 'have' to do...But really...Hanging out with my boyfriends ex-girlfriends and being unhappy about it...I don't know...Just seems like something that is simple enough to get out of...

Whenever I'm feeling insecure about anything, I just go ask FH if I'm the prettiest, best at XYZ, whatever. Generally he'll realize I'm feeling insecure and take care of the issue. Certainly makes my life easier, and much more fun!

We have the opposite situation. There are 3 of my exes coming to my wedding. One wanted to marry me. One I thought I would marry. I look at him now, compare him to FH and laugh that I thought we could have a healthy relationship. He is an amazing guy, just not for me- we are too similar.

One of them is someone I was on and off with (casually) for 3 years. Actually after FH and I had gone on a few dates this guy paged me. I turned to Fh and asked if we were exclusive- and that's how we became exclusive. That was the last time I ever thought about that guy in a romantic/ sexual way.

Since then, the three of us have hung out a lot. We have all hung out lots of times and the two guys like each other. I never think about the physical part of my relationship with him. In fact, when I think about the other guy, its just hanging out. I have NO romantic or sexual feelings for this guy at all. I am 100% devoted to my FH and wouldn't dream of sleeping with this guy again. I have been alone and wasted with this guy without FH (FH was on his way) and its not sexual or romantic at all. In fact, if I have to think of us 'being together', its almost like remembering a movie I saw- like it wasn't even me.

I think if you trust your FH, you have to let it go. I don't see how you can have a healthy marriage if this is going to be nagging at you. He has a past and it shows maturity on his part to handle hanging out with them and you together. I assume you have a past too and if he wanted to, he could focus on that even if those people aren't in your life anymore. Just focus on the fact that he chose you- he probably doesn't think about them that way at all.

ETA: I totally understand why you are uncomfortable, but the situation being what it is, that these women are in his life, I think you just have to accept it.

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Posted by hbradio

I consider myself lucky that I dont have to deal with this. FH does not talk to any of his exes.

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same here! although i sometimes talk to mine once in a blue moon... i have nothing to hide from FH and actually want him to meet everyone who was/is important to me be it in the past or present. FH knows he's #1.

I can sympathize!! DH had a girlfriend through HS, I had a boyfriend during part of that same time frame. DH & the boyfriend had been friends since grade school!

When me & DH started to date, his ex became nasty to me!! Almost 12 years later I am still uncomfortable when she shows up somewhere. It is infrequent, but it has happened, thankfully less in the last few years!!

My ex.... well, we were not on friendly terms after the breakup, but he & I had this great talk about 6 months into me dating DH, and things became better! He, DH & I hang out as often as we can, usually just the 3 of us!! He was one of our groomsmen!!

So, my point is, sometimes bygones can be bygones and other times. If you had a freindship with the girls before hand, it might be easier. The guys were friends before either of us girls came along... so I am so happy that they still are!!

But, no you are not wrong for feeeling this way... eventually the feeling will lessen (like I said, 12 years, so it may take a while!!! ) !!!