Does this seem weird to you?

Does this seem weird to you?

Hey all... We finally got out STDs out and I got this message back from one of my BMs:

>>Hey! Good to hear from you. You'll be proud....I made my reservation at the Wyndham Wind Watch this morning. I am planning on flying in on the 5th and leaving the morning of the 7th. I am not sure yet if Michael will be coming but, if he doesn't, my friend Laura (you may remember her as another of my bridesmaids) may come along with me in his stead. <<

Michael is her husband. Does this strike anyone else as sort of odd? Does she get to bring a guest other than her husband? Any thoughts?

I will update re my invitation debacle soon, too...suffice it to say, we can't go with the words we chose because my dad has to be Mr. Traditional about it. Can you believe the man actually blew a gasket because I am having the replies come to me (and not him)?! Even made some inane comment about how I am trying to sabotage HIS event by making it look like he is not inviting people (I believe his exact words were, 'make me look like a schmuck') I am not kidding. Argh, these are gonna be 5 LOOOONG months!

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I don't think it's that weird. FH and I were invited to a wedding together and I couldn't make it. He didn't want to go alone, plus it was a pretty long drive and a whole weekend extravaganza, so he brought another friend with him. I know alot of people hate going to a wedding by themselves, especially if they won't know to many people, so she might just want someone with her for company, especially if she has to fly in.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I think she should have asked you if it is okay that she bring a friend (instead of her husband who you know). It is a bit strange but maybe she doesn't want to travel alone. Or maybe she feels like she won't know anyone else there??? It is strange though.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I guess it's a little odd that your BM's husband is not coming to NY for the wedding. Technically since the invite would be addressed to her and her husband, her friend Laura shouldn't take his place. But if she is flying in and staying at a hotel for the weekend, I don't think it's unusual she would want to travel with someone. If this happened with my wedding I would let it slide.

It's kind of cute your father wants to be really traditional. It will be a bit of a pain with the RSVP cards but not a big deal.

Take a deep breath - 5 months will fly and then you'll be a married lady

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I think it is odd, but I also think it is a reasonable request considering she will be traveling.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I don't think it's weird. YOu have to keep in mind when doing invites, that whoever is invited with a guest has the privilege of bringing whoever they like. Maybe her husband is working or something. I think it's nice she told you though! JMO!

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I let my out of town guest bring guest. I knew most of them especially the women would not want to travel alone.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

at least she is going... with a lot of people if the husband can't come, they won't either... It must mean a lot to her.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

about your dad ... try explaining to him that you'd like to be in charge of the RSVP's since its impt that you keep track ... then give him something else to be in charge of.

Honestly, my DH & I wanted to be the one's who opened & kept track of them. I couldn't imagine having to keep collecting them from someone else. Unless THEY were going to do the seating arrangements, too!

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I think your it's totally OK for your BM to bring someone in her husbands place. She's traveling, paying for a hotel, and standing up for you in your BP. I know I wouldn't want to travel alone either if I didnt have to.
I think your Dad is cute

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I think that is totally weird! It's not like she is just anyone - she's a BM - what is her friend going to do while she's busy with all of the wedding stuff. I presume you didn't invite her 'and guest'? You invited her husband! I think you should just tell her that's not exactly what you meant.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Wow, thanks for all the feedback. I think I am more confused than ever.

I thought about it a little more and I have such mixed feelings! After all, she IS a bridesmaid and she DOES know my family and some of the other bridesmaids and friends that will be there. Her trip is only from Nashville, too, so it's only about an hour or two on Southwest, and she's flown that route on her own before, so it's not like she is afraid to fly alone. Besides, I am not sure what her friend Laura would do while she is busy with BM stuff. At least Michael could have hung with the other husbands. I don't want to make a huge deal out of it, but I really do wish she would have ASKED me rather than just informed me like this. I don't want to start a fight but I guess I don't see why we have to shell out another $100 for this Laura person (who I really don't remember, actually) to attend. Even my MOH won't have a guest unless she suddenly develops a serious boyfriend between now and June; why would this BM be allowed to bring one other than her hubby?

So, now the question, if I do approach her about this, how do I do it? I was a BM in her wedding last June and we had a little issue back then as well. Her wedding was in Alabama (try getting a direct flight...FH and I ended up stuck in Pittsburgh for 8 hours and almost missed the rehearsal entirely!!) and it lasted all of 2-1/2 hours start to finish (no kidding...she walked down the aisle of the church at 1 pm, and she and hubby were out the door of the reception en route to the honeymoon by 3:30). There was no music, no food (except for a crudite, a few finger sandwiches, and the cake), and no alcohol. I jokingly made some comment to her before the wedding about FH bringing a flask (I know, totally inappropriate, and I apologized) and she went nuts on me. I know it was uncalled-for on my part, but I am not sure she realizes the flip side of the situation. Her wedding cost $10/person (and, yes, she had the nerve to tell me this, which I think is part of the reason I made the flask comment in the first place) and mine's $100.

What do I do??

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Oh, and the situation with my dad...it's not cute. He didn't say those things as if, aww, I am his sweet little girl and he loves me so much. Hardly. He essentially yelled at me that I was trying to RUIN HIS PARTY. Seriously. He is an enormous control freak. AND he is not paying for the entire wedding. He is paying for the per-head cost of the reception (at least for his guests); FH and I are paying everything else: band, photographer, video, flowers, favors, invites, my dress, tuxes, honeymoon, etc. We really didn't want the traditional wording for the invites, but I don't want to start WWIII over it so we are giving in. However, my dad, for as controlling as he is, is NOT the most organized person in the world (though he thinks he is). I, on the other hand, did event planning professionally for 5 yrs. If left in his hands, we will get scrawled RSVP lists that we somehow need to make heads or tails of, and all our friends and FH's family will be seated in the back of the room. I am holding my ground on the RSVP thing. At least my mom is backing me up on this one, so that helps a bit.

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

Hey Alison, so sorry to hear you are having this trouble! what is with some people, is all i have to say. I completely understand as stated above by some other brides, that your BM would want to bring someone other than her husband. But the insensitive way she announced it to you is just unbelievable if you ask me. i would be totally ****ed. and more so because she is your BM and she should know not to do anything that would upset you or throw you off right now!! Geez!

seriously, i am just like you, i would not want to make a big deal about it, but i think you have got to stick up for yourself. she probably has no idea she has done anything so stupid and insensitive. Perhaps one of your other BMs could talk wiht her (do you have any you trust that know her?). and then i think you should call her (or i guess you could email her back) and just let her know your honest thoughts. Perhaps couch it as concerns for the fact that you do not know Lara (laura, whatever) and she may not know anybody there and you are concerned she will be left alone (knowing no one) while your friend participates in bridal party stuff. etc etc and i know you probably don't want to, but since she did it, i think you should try to figure out nicely a way to slip in that this is costing you a small fortune per person. she will probably be surprised! how shocking! Good luck!!

Re: Does this seem weird to you?

I don't think it's really wrong of her to bring someone, but you are totally correct in feeling that she should have asked you first. For all she knows, you may not be inviting people with guests unless they are married, engaged or otherwise seriously involved. Also, you might only want close family and friends at your wedding.
I am honestly not sure how you can say anything to her without making her mad - it depends on how sensitive she is. But the best way would be to be honest - explain that you are hoping to invite other guests of your own, so unless she is really uncomfortable travelling alone, would it be okay if she didn't bring her friend since you don't really know her. Sorry, I have no other ideas!