Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Original post by Mmnnng
Ok so here's my quick story...
My FH and I have been together for 7 years (secretly married for 2) and I'm just not sure I can go through with another wedding. He used to be a great man, but he fell into a very lucrative career and money has changed him into something awful. I thought I was overreacting until this weekend when he went away and I had time to think.
He promised me years ago he would adopt my children, but yet whenever its brought up, he ignores me or says he's not ready. He is completely uncapable of displaying emotions. If I am upset and need to talk, he doesn't know how to listen, but rather is tells me how stressed he is about his job and I don't know what stress is.
Pastor April sent me a copy of the ceremony and I was thinking...holy crap its all a lie! It sounds beautiful and wonderful but it isn't true and even though I would like the words to mean something to him, I don't think he is able to comprehend them. He really has no clue how to process emotion. I know it is so late for me to be thinking of this, but I watched my mother suffer in a one sided marriage for years and don't want to end up like her. I thought that when we got married the first time, we would all become a family but I still feel like its me and my children on on side and him on another. I don't know if I can feel like this forever.
I had a convo with him about this many times and he says he'll change, he'll go to speak to someone, but he never follows through and then blames me for it. Says I should've made the appointment or whatever...HELLO?? I am asking you do to this for me. Thats all I ask of him. His only job in life is to go to work, he does nothing around this house or anything like that....he lives on his own schedule, not on our family's.
So the other night we started talking on the phoen about all of this and I tell him that I am not sure about it anymore and blah blah blah....he turns around and blames the fact that I saw my ex at a funeral a few days before!! Wants to know what I said to him, what happend, ect...I was at a freaking funeral not a party! So obviously he has a way of turning everything around on me. So we continue talking and I basically say that I don't know if I can do this anymore and I don't feel fufilled, ect. And he tells me he is in shell shock and can't believe it.....THEN... yesterday his flight was cancelled and the only thing he said all day was how he had to get home to get to the office...not how he needed to come home and talk with me and work things out with me or any thing like that!
I am so hurt and confused and I just needed to write this all down! Thanks ladies! I really had that 'he's gonna change' theory in my head like a fool and I just don't think he can....I dont' know what to do!
rkl1130
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Thankfully you are all okay.
SusiBtoM
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Melissa, You were in a serious car accident with your two daughers, thankfully not seriously hurt, and he is SLEEPING while you come home from the hospital. He didn't even pick you up ?!! Now you mention that he is not helping you much and you are in a body brace, while your daughers have concussions.
The more you tell us about Brandon, the more I don't like him. He seems to be a very selfish person, looking out for himself only.
Usually an accident can spur someone to change. Apparently not in Brandon's case. I can really see why you are having doubts about going thru with the formal wedding. Do yourself a huge favor and cancel the ceremony. Then start planning a life for yourself, your daughers and your parents, without Brandon. It might be a struggle at first, but in the long run you will be better off. You cannot go thru your life this way. It is not healthy for you.
Susi.
carolinebr
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by SusiBtoM
Melissa, You were in a serious car accident with your two daughers, thankfully not seriously hurt, and he is SLEEPING while you come home from the hospital. He didn't even pick you up ?!!
Susi.
I was thinking the SAME THING... Why was he SLEEPING??? Why didn't he go to the hospital to be by your side???
mandysmom503
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by SusiBtoM
Melissa, You were in a serious car accident with your two daughers, thankfully not seriously hurt, and he is SLEEPING while you come home from the hospital. He didn't even pick you up ?!! Now you mention that he is not helping you much and you are in a body brace, while your daughers have concussions.
The more you tell us about Brandon, the more I don't like him. He seems to be a very selfish person, looking out for himself only.
Usually an accident can spur someone to change. Apparently not in Brandon's case. I can really see why you are having doubts about going thru with the formal wedding. Do yourself a huge favor and cancel the ceremony. Then start planning a life for yourself, your daughers and your parents, without Brandon. It might be a struggle at first, but in the long run you will be better off. You cannot go thru your life this way. It is not healthy for you.
Susi.
Amen sista! I couldn't agree with you more. And on a personal note. I was in a similar marriage and it ******. Life is too short to be with the wrong man. Now that I have the right one..the perfect one...it's like night and day. It feels amazing. Something I never even felt with my Ex-Husband.
But When I did divorce him...I vowed to myself I'd rather be alone and happy...than live a miserable life. I'm glad I did ...cause God rewarded me with a wonderful, amazing, and loving man who is going to be a phenomenal husband and father to my daugher.
I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your daughters...but I'm glad you're all going to be OK
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by carolinebr
Posted by SusiBtoM
Melissa, You were in a serious car accident with your two daughers, thankfully not seriously hurt, and he is SLEEPING while you come home from the hospital. He didn't even pick you up ?!!
Susi.
I was thinking the SAME THING... Why was he SLEEPING??? Why didn't he go to the hospital to be by your side???
Me too. I know if I had been in an accident and in the hospital, DH would immediately stop whatever he was doing to be with me..... If it were me, this behavior would be the final straw.
sweetdreamz1181
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
i am sooo sorry for what happend
hunnybunnyxoxo
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
i am soooooooooooo sorry you are going through this!! i know how tough this must be!!
Go to counseling with him! But honestly, postpone the wedding! Marriage does not change a person for the better. his career has taken over his life and now his priorities are all wrong. you need to hold off on the wedding. think of how your life is going to be down the road.
why is he not ready to adopt your children? is he stalling? he is ignoring everything important to you and than putting blame on you.
these are all flags that need to be addressed.
im so sorry this is happening!
hunnybunnyxoxo
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by misbran
Thanks everyone....I'm feeling a little better today. What a mess my life is!
Ok so as far as the accident heres what happened:
I was on Southern State heading towards LGA and everyone in front of me slowed down and stopped due to DOT vechicles entering the road...I stopped when I saw everyone else stopped in front of me...well then...I took a look in my rearview and saw this lady coming full speed ahead. She hit her brakes at the very last second and needless to say never stopped on time. Her entire car was totaled thats how hard she hit me.
Luckily for me I drive a big truck because my girls were with me and they would've been in big trouble in a car. They both have minor concussions and I am in a brace from my butt to my head. I can't believe everything that can happen in one week!
On to the FH...Well on Sun while he was still away we had a chat and i told him how I feel about everything and now he is home and its like there is a pink elephant in the room that no one is talking about! He was sleeping when I came home from the hospital so that def. didn't help! And I've been stranded on the couch for the last 2 days and he hasn't been much help. I'm gonna have a talk with him today and see how it goes.
Wish me luck!
Thanks again everyone you are all so wonderful! I feel like I have 100 of my bestfriends around me with out all the bickering...lol! Thanks again!
WHAT??? OH NO HE DIDNT!! im sorry if this is harsh, but leave him. He is heartless. pink elephant or not, your life was at risk and you've been fending for yourself?? the least thing he should be doing is nursing you back to health and making sure you are ok. his basic emotion should have been compassion regardless of what is going on in the relationship.
im so sorry! i hope you are ok!!
jgl
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Kara and Todd
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Melissa,
I don't want what I'm about to say to sound harsh, but it might. I'm only saying it because I think you owe it to yourself and your daughters to understand this.
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS MAN IS OFFERING YOU.
You have a husband who was sleeping when you got home from the hospital after a serious car accident. You deserve a husband who wouldn't leave your side or your daughters' sides while you were hurt.
You have a husband who ignores your constant pleas to work on your relationship. You deserve a man who listens to you and wants to make an effort to be with you. You deserve a man who understands that marriage is hard work and who is willing to put in that work.
You have a husband who makes you question how he feels about you and your daughters. You deserve a man whose words and actions reaffirm his love for you and your children.
You have a husband who hasn't kept a major promise to adopt your daughters. You deserve a man who is true to his word and open about his feelings.
Most importantly... you have a husband who makes you unhappy. You deserve to be happy -- and you can do this with or without any man.
You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit. You need to set an example for your daughters that you won't settle for someone who is anything less than amazing.
Everything that is going on is a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR red flag. You need to believe that you can be happy and secure on your own - and then make it happen.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I KNOW all of this is far more easily said than done... and I understand that you have concerns about finances, etc., and your daughters. But it's time to start making a plan to get on with your life so you can be happy again - as you deserve to be.
Good luck! Things will ultimately work out as they are supposed to!
Kara
tricia3381
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by Kara and Todd
Melissa,
I don't want what I'm about to say to sound harsh, but it might. I'm only saying it because I think you owe it to yourself and your daughters to understand this.
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS MAN IS OFFERING YOU.
You have a husband who was sleeping when you got home from the hospital after a serious car accident. You deserve a husband who wouldn't leave your side or your daughters' sides while you were hurt.
You have a husband who ignores your constant pleas to work on your relationship. You deserve a man who listens to you and wants to make an effort to be with you. You deserve a man who understands that marriage is hard work and who is willing to put in that work.
You have a husband who makes you question how he feels about you and your daughters. You deserve a man whose words and actions reaffirm his love for you and your children.
You have a husband who hasn't kept a major promise to adopt your daughters. You deserve a man who is true to his word and open about his feelings.
Most importantly... you have a husband who makes you unhappy. You deserve to be happy -- and you can do this with or without any man.
You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit. You need to set an example for your daughters that you won't settle for someone who is anything less than amazing.
Everything that is going on is a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR red flag. You need to believe that you can be happy and secure on your own - and then make it happen.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I KNOW all of this is far more easily said than done... and I understand that you have concerns about finances, etc., and your daughters. But it's time to start making a plan to get on with your life so you can be happy again - as you deserve to be.
Good luck! Things will ultimately work out as they are supposed to!
Kara
very well said!!
MRSin2009
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by Kara and Todd
Melissa,
I don't want what I'm about to say to sound harsh, but it might. I'm only saying it because I think you owe it to yourself and your daughters to understand this.
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS MAN IS OFFERING YOU.
You have a husband who was sleeping when you got home from the hospital after a serious car accident. You deserve a husband who wouldn't leave your side or your daughters' sides while you were hurt.
You have a husband who ignores your constant pleas to work on your relationship. You deserve a man who listens to you and wants to make an effort to be with you. You deserve a man who understands that marriage is hard work and who is willing to put in that work.
You have a husband who makes you question how he feels about you and your daughters. You deserve a man whose words and actions reaffirm his love for you and your children.
You have a husband who hasn't kept a major promise to adopt your daughters. You deserve a man who is true to his word and open about his feelings.
Most importantly... you have a husband who makes you unhappy. You deserve to be happy -- and you can do this with or without any man.
You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit. You need to set an example for your daughters that you won't settle for someone who is anything less than amazing.
Everything that is going on is a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR red flag. You need to believe that you can be happy and secure on your own - and then make it happen.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I KNOW all of this is far more easily said than done... and I understand that you have concerns about finances, etc., and your daughters. But it's time to start making a plan to get on with your life so you can be happy again - as you deserve to be.
Good luck! Things will ultimately work out as they are supposed to!
Kara
Could not agree more!!!!!
SusanAdam
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Kara, very well said. I could not put it into better words.
You don't deserve to be treated that way. He sounds like he is very self centered and it doesn't sound like he is going to change anytime soon. This accident should give you a real indication of how he is going to be in your relationship. I was in a similar accident on the Cross Island Parkway last year where traffic suddenly stopped and someone plowed into the back of me and I was taken to the hospital. As soon as I got in touch with FH he dropped everything and rushed to my side and remained there even after a long day of work and having to get up at 6am the next day. He even ran over to the store to get me my medicine and some other goodies to cheer me up. That's how it should be in a relationship. For him to be sleeping when you got home!!!! He didn't even take care of you or your daughters. I'm sorry , but that's not how you treat your family. He doesn't sound like he is willing to be a part of this relationship and to me getting out now might be the best decision of your life. You and your children deserve someone who will be there for you, love you, and take care of you. I hope you feel better. We are all here for you.
melissankurt07
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
First off here are some hugs and prayers for you
Next... What in the H E L L was he doing sleeping on the couch when you and your daughters were in the hospital injured from a serious car accident??? I am sorry to say this and I don't want to offend you but he sounds like a complete a$$hole!!!!! I don't care how tired or sick or whatever my FH was but he would have been pulled over for speeding to get to the hospital FAST to make sure we were all ok. Now your husband isn't even helping you do things since you are injured? How selfish is he?? I find that completely rude and unforgiving. I know you would be there doing everything in your powers to help him and he can't do anything for you? I would definitely say it is over. YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM AND YOU WOULD DEFINITELY BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM!!!!!! We are all here for you and wish you the best of luck!!!!
I am so glad that you and your daughters are all ok and I wish you a speedy recovery!!!!
GinaZ
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
I wish you a quick recovery from the accident!!! Im so sorry that happened! And I hope everything works out the way it is meant to be for you and your FH.
GinaZ
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by Kara and Todd
Melissa,
I don't want what I'm about to say to sound harsh, but it might. I'm only saying it because I think you owe it to yourself and your daughters to understand this.
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS MAN IS OFFERING YOU.
You have a husband who was sleeping when you got home from the hospital after a serious car accident. You deserve a husband who wouldn't leave your side or your daughters' sides while you were hurt.
You have a husband who ignores your constant pleas to work on your relationship. You deserve a man who listens to you and wants to make an effort to be with you. You deserve a man who understands that marriage is hard work and who is willing to put in that work.
You have a husband who makes you question how he feels about you and your daughters. You deserve a man whose words and actions reaffirm his love for you and your children.
You have a husband who hasn't kept a major promise to adopt your daughters. You deserve a man who is true to his word and open about his feelings.
Most importantly... you have a husband who makes you unhappy. You deserve to be happy -- and you can do this with or without any man.
You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit. You need to set an example for your daughters that you won't settle for someone who is anything less than amazing.
Everything that is going on is a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR red flag. You need to believe that you can be happy and secure on your own - and then make it happen.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I KNOW all of this is far more easily said than done... and I understand that you have concerns about finances, etc., and your daughters. But it's time to start making a plan to get on with your life so you can be happy again - as you deserve to be.
Good luck! Things will ultimately work out as they are supposed to!
Kara
kara that was very well pput and I have to agree.
I realize there is another side of the story that we are not hearing, but if everything you are saying is as it is, then I agree with what Kara says 150%. And we can imagine how hard all this is for you and are always ehre to try to help!!
Autumn08
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by SusiBtoM
Melissa, You were in a serious car accident with your two daughers, thankfully not seriously hurt, and he is SLEEPING while you come home from the hospital. He didn't even pick you up ?!! Now you mention that he is not helping you much and you are in a body brace, while your daughers have concussions.
The more you tell us about Brandon, the more I don't like him. He seems to be a very selfish person, looking out for himself only.
Usually an accident can spur someone to change. Apparently not in Brandon's case. I can really see why you are having doubts about going thru with the formal wedding. Do yourself a huge favor and cancel the ceremony. Then start planning a life for yourself, your daughers and your parents, without Brandon. It might be a struggle at first, but in the long run you will be better off. You cannot go thru your life this way. It is not healthy for you.
Susi.
I have to say that I agree. I didn't want to comment but after hearing that he was sleepin when you came home?!?!?! How did you get home from the hospital? He should've been there for you!
Lools
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
oh my gosh! I just got caught up with this thread! I'm so glad you are (mostly) OK! Thank God you were in a large truck! You poor thing! And I have to agree with all the above posts! You DEFINITELY deserve much better sweetie! I can't believe he was sleeping when you came home from the hospital!? huh??!?!
Here's a lot of hugs and prayers coming your way! and a kiss for good measure...
Mmnnng
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Thank everyone....its just all insane! I told him I was going to the hospital and what hospital when his plane landed then I had no chance to call him....I kinda assumed he would've just came straight from the airport to the hospital. When I called him later on he asked if I wanted him to come up and honestly by that time I didn't. My mother was already there and I was upset enough that he asked if he should come or not. Mom took me and the girls home from the hospital and he was sleeping....blames it on the xanax he took before the plane ride. I don't care what he took...I WOULD'VE NEVER FALLEN ASLEEP! He took m to my Lawyers office today and got us lunch but I just woke up a few mnutes ago to find him @ his Softball game....
I'm definetly hurt. I taked to him and he said he wanted a solution right there and then and I didn't know what to say. He says I guess we should ty couselling and then he walked back upstairs to watch the Yankees....
I am sure this is his way of trying, like a said before, its not that he's abad person, he is who he is and unfortunatley I thought I could change that.
I'm learning slowly that surely I cannot.
Ladies, you rock....thank you for everything and sorry if I haven't replied to all the FM...I am just so tired lately...
jtgarsik
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Re: Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE
Posted by Kara and Todd
Melissa,
I don't want what I'm about to say to sound harsh, but it might. I'm only saying it because I think you owe it to yourself and your daughters to understand this.
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT THIS MAN IS OFFERING YOU.
You have a husband who was sleeping when you got home from the hospital after a serious car accident. You deserve a husband who wouldn't leave your side or your daughters' sides while you were hurt.
You have a husband who ignores your constant pleas to work on your relationship. You deserve a man who listens to you and wants to make an effort to be with you. You deserve a man who understands that marriage is hard work and who is willing to put in that work.
You have a husband who makes you question how he feels about you and your daughters. You deserve a man whose words and actions reaffirm his love for you and your children.
You have a husband who hasn't kept a major promise to adopt your daughters. You deserve a man who is true to his word and open about his feelings.
Most importantly... you have a husband who makes you unhappy. You deserve to be happy -- and you can do this with or without any man.
You are worth more than you are giving yourself credit. You need to set an example for your daughters that you won't settle for someone who is anything less than amazing.
Everything that is going on is a MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR red flag. You need to believe that you can be happy and secure on your own - and then make it happen.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I KNOW all of this is far more easily said than done... and I understand that you have concerns about finances, etc., and your daughters. But it's time to start making a plan to get on with your life so you can be happy again - as you deserve to be.
Good luck! Things will ultimately work out as they are supposed to!
Kara
This is 200% absolutely the truth and couldn't be more well said. I think we have all voiced our opinions on this issue & now it is up to you & only you to do what u know deep down in your heart to do!!! We are all here for you through all of this so please keep us updated - you're right when you say u can not change him....the only person that can change him, is himself...and it seems he's not willing to do that...remember that counciling isnt something he should have to be forced to do & dreds going to & is just going through the motions of .....it should be something that he WANTS to do to save your marraige and prove his love for you & your daughters. If he doesnt seem to want to put in the effort of keeping you in his life - HE IS NOT WORTH IT. If this is how he's treating you only after this short time....what is it going to be like 10 years down the road???? Realize what your worthy of, because you're worthy of everything...and it's clear that you've put forth every effort to try and work this out and have gotten nothing in return. Hold ur head high, press forward, realize the amazing woman you are, and the amazing man you & your girls deserve.
