Don't know if I wanna go through with this wedding...CRAZY UPDATE

Ok so here's my quick story...

My FH and I have been together for 7 years (secretly married for 2) and I'm just not sure I can go through with another wedding. He used to be a great man, but he fell into a very lucrative career and money has changed him into something awful. I thought I was overreacting until this weekend when he went away and I had time to think.

He promised me years ago he would adopt my children, but yet whenever its brought up, he ignores me or says he's not ready. He is completely uncapable of displaying emotions. If I am upset and need to talk, he doesn't know how to listen, but rather is tells me how stressed he is about his job and I don't know what stress is.

Pastor April sent me a copy of the ceremony and I was thinking...holy crap its all a lie! It sounds beautiful and wonderful but it isn't true and even though I would like the words to mean something to him, I don't think he is able to comprehend them. He really has no clue how to process emotion. I know it is so late for me to be thinking of this, but I watched my mother suffer in a one sided marriage for years and don't want to end up like her. I thought that when we got married the first time, we would all become a family but I still feel like its me and my children on on side and him on another. I don't know if I can feel like this forever.

I had a convo with him about this many times and he says he'll change, he'll go to speak to someone, but he never follows through and then blames me for it. Says I should've made the appointment or whatever...HELLO?? I am asking you do to this for me. Thats all I ask of him. His only job in life is to go to work, he does nothing around this house or anything like that....he lives on his own schedule, not on our family's.

So the other night we started talking on the phoen about all of this and I tell him that I am not sure about it anymore and blah blah blah....he turns around and blames the fact that I saw my ex at a funeral a few days before!! Wants to know what I said to him, what happend, ect...I was at a freaking funeral not a party! So obviously he has a way of turning everything around on me. So we continue talking and I basically say that I don't know if I can do this anymore and I don't feel fufilled, ect. And he tells me he is in shell shock and can't believe it.....THEN... yesterday his flight was cancelled and the only thing he said all day was how he had to get home to get to the office...not how he needed to come home and talk with me and work things out with me or any thing like that!

I am so hurt and confused and I just needed to write this all down! Thanks ladies! I really had that 'he's gonna change' theory in my head like a fool and I just don't think he can....I dont' know what to do!