JT's parents have not offered us ANY help at all for our wedding. Not financially or emotionally, or anything at all. So JT and I have had it in our heads that we are going to be throwing our own rehearsal dinner. But yesterday, JT's sister called me to BS and she said to me in passing, 'Yeah, so my mom is checking out Windows on the Lake this week for the rehearsal dinner.' So I asked her whose rehearsal dinner and she said OUR'S! I was like W T F? Then she told me she already checked out a few places. I'm sorry, but I don't think that's right. How does she know we haven't planned something yet (which, ok, we haven't since we have plenty of time, but still)? Why in hell would she not tell us about this? I find this very strange and uncomfortable and I asked JT to talk to her, but I know he didn't. I almost do not want them to throw a rehearsal dinner for us because they have been so terrible to JT. I would rather them give us the money, we need that more. I'm sorry, but I don't like things being planned for ME with no input on my part. I think it's rude and inconsiderate. I'm just aggravated. Thanks for letting me vent.
allaboutthecake
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
Why wouldn't his parents even hint at the fact that they want to throw the rehearsal dinner. That is so weird that you had to hear it from his sister. I too want something more low key for the dinner. My FI parents are divorced and his mom is remarried to a great guy and they have both been really involved in the trying to make decisions and help with ideas....his father whom I have only seen a few times the eight years I have been with my FI, hasn't even asked about the wedding at all let alone offer to help us pay for any part of it. We then find out that he is trying to get married to the woman he left my FMIL for a month before our wedding. He didn't even come to the engagement party or get us a gift and has never met my family or parents. I am so glad that we have my parents support and his mom's and her husband. Does JT not want to confront his parents about the dinner? Does he want them to throw it for you two because it makes them more involved?
Bunnymonkey
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
Yes, it is f'ed up - without a doubt. And yes, they sound psycho and unsupportive and weird.
However, if you want to get what you want (Clamake on the beach is my DREAM reherasal dinner - go for it!) I would suggest putting your feelings of disgust for them aside and playing innocent and dumb and call her up - be all 'Oh my goodness, I just heard about he RD you are planning and somehow we must have crossed signals on this! You never mentioned ANYTHING so I have out a down payment on a place - It's so great, do you want to come see it?' How can she argue with you? She didn't say anything.
Also, I would get JT involved - this is his family and you should not have to handle this issue alone. Good Luck!
allaboutthecake
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
That sounds like a perfect response Bunny. I can never find the right wording to say when I am trying to broach a sticky subject, I'll have to ask you in the future.
prncssrachel
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
JT's reasoning for not asking her (and it's not good enough reasoning) is because he claims they're not going to throw it for us anyway, so why bother having that conversation? And I see what he is talking about and I can understand him feeling that way, but that's not ok. I am just going to go ahead with my plans and not say anything to her. I don't really give two sh!ts if she puts money down on a place for it because then she'll have the hassle of trying to get it back, not me. I really could care less if she's loses all her money. This is one instance where I am not going to say anything to her. If JT decides to say something to her, then fine, but it's definitely NOT going to be me. I don't feel like I should even HAVE to have a conversation about our wedding with his parents that has to do with money or them helping us. That's a conversation for them to have with their son, but since they treat him like the sh!t they walk on, they would never bother to talk to him like a human being and bring it up. We did come up with a theory of where all this RD stuff started. JT's cousin got married last year and his aunt (FMIL's sister), has been asking her where she's having the RD for us. We found out it's his aunt that's been taking her around to see places. So we are even more convinced now that she's not really planning on throwing the RD for us. She is just trying not to look like a complete ******* infront of her sister (whose approval she always desperately needs). Thanks everyone for responding. I am just so sick of his family right now. THANK GOD my family is as awesome as they are!
Bunnymonkey
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
Posted by allaboutthecake
That sounds like a perfect response Bunny. I can never find the right wording to say when I am trying to broach a sticky subject, I'll have to ask you in the future.
anytime...
LuvMyMichael
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
I completely agree with you. Do it your way. ANd by the by....a clam bake sounds fabulous!
marymoon
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Re: Don't you think this is odd? (vent)
It is REALLY odd, but she may nt be trying to be rude. Soemtimes parents, especially those who don't have good relationships wththeir kids int erms of emotional support, etc will tyr to show their love in weird ways (controlling ways, if that's their bent). Lik FH's dad can be such an *** it's not even funny, but he insists he's gonna come over and set up Fhs kitchen for him. People, I think, show love in weird ways, and I think that's wat this si, bt if it's making you incomfortable, it defintiey needs to be addressed. She shouldn't feel she ahs the rght to intrude on and take over a huge important part of your wedding festivities especially since she's been so uninvolved. Hope all goes well
