E-party dilemma

My mom's cousins (very close to us, like sister's to my mom and aunts to me) feel bad about the whole situation of us not having been able to have an e-party and they want to help my mom throw us one at our house/in the yard. They said they'd all help my mom cook and set up, etc. here's the only thing... we have a teeny tiny yard and not a huge house. When FH and I made our e-party list, it was about 50-60 people, I don;t think that many people will fit in our house or yard. We can apre down the list a little more, but here's the thing. We're not really on good terms with FH's immediate family (mom, dad, sister), but we still keep in touch with his aunt and uncle, cousins, etc. We defintiely don't want to invite his parents (The minute these people set foot in my house is the minute I call the police. I hate them. They will NEVER set foot in my home.) And so now FH is saying he doens't want to invite his aunt/uncle, etc or anyone from his family at all. His reason is that he doesn't want it to even get back to his family that we had an e-party. I think thats complete crap. Why should we be derpived over them? let them know we';re having it. let them know also that they're not invited and there's a good reason for that. Beyond that, doens't it defeat the purpose to have an e-party with just one side of one family (we don't speak with my dad's family) ? I always thought the e=party was for everyone to come together an meet each other, etc.

What do you think we should do? My mom's family is really pushing for this party, and I feel like, we've been engaged for a year and a ahlf, i want to celebrate it already, but...it just bothers me. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

hmm that is a tough situation. I would say that if your FH REALLY doesnt want to invite his aunts and unlces then it is fine to just celebrate with your family. I mean maybe you could go out ot dinner with his aunts and uncles another time?

I dont know how to fix that

I agree with Jen. I remember your posts from awhile back... have you postponed the wedding date? A year and a half is a long time after your engagement to have a party too, especially if you have not postponed the wedding. Why not just have a BBQ qith you family, but not put a label on it... have someone toast on your engagement during the BBQ and if it ever gets back to FILs, your FI won't have to hear it.
JMHO

This is hard, and I feel for you....FH really wanted to have a party for our engagement, but with the amount of wives my father has taken, its hard to get everyone in one place without anyone feeling hurt or not welcome... for obvious reasons! So I really have been pushing against it....
My compromise is that we can have a bbq with our Mom's families (and thats large enough, with over 80 people!) And so far he is ok, but he too doesn't want word to get back to his dad and him being hurt by us not having him there.
I, like you, don't really care about how HE feels because the man still hasn't congratulated us or offered to celebrate with us since we got engaged in October! He has yet to say anything to me, and has made no effort to see us, even just to visit. They live on the East End, so it's not like we live states apart or anything.. sorry if I sound bitter or hostile, I guess I am. Cause family is important to me, and I learned a long time ago that those who want to be a part of your life are very special, and to keep THEM in mind when planning things like this. And not to worry about those people who aren't, because they aren't worth the time.

Marymoon... celebrate the way YOU want to celebrate. There is obviously a reason FH's family isn't invited, and they probably know that. I think having the aunt/uncle there IS appropriate and would mean a lot to FH. He shouldn't have to worry about it getting back to his parents... and if it does, so what. You two DEFINITELY need something to celebrate (especially you... ) and this is the perfect time. Let your mom's family help with the party and take comfort in the fact that they want to do this for the two of you. I really hope you have your party, cause you deserve the best!

Thanks for the tip. I really don't see why it'
s wrong to have an e-party after being engaged 1.5 years. We should ahve had it a long time ago, but with doug's grandpa in Fl getting sick and his grandma here passing away, and then everything with my dad, there were a lot of reasons it didn't happen. They way I feel it's LONG overdue, not too late! With all of the complication from his family, I just feel like we haven't been able to really be happy and velebrate being engaged. When it first happenned of course we were so happy, etc etc...but we were both still in college, and then so much else was going on, so there's was no celebration. Why can't we just be happy? Why is that not allowed?

*sigh*...

I'm so glad my mom's cousins want to do this, it's so nice of them. We were thinking of hvaing it at arestaraunt, but that would get too costly. At home would be great. I don't see why we can't call it an e-party. We deserve it!

Jen it's time to celebrate!! You've been through so much. I don't see anything wrong with Doug's side not being there if he REALLY doesn't want them to be. Ultimately it's up to you both. No one says they HAVE to be there. A lot of people have BBQ e-parties and invite one side of the family. Weigh the pros and cons about them being there. What do you gain and what do you risk? FM if you need anything.