Hi! I'm new here and have been reading all your posts - you guys are all so helpful! I'm wondering if you can help me? This might come across as selfish on my part, but I'm not a selfish person at all... this has just been bothering me and I'm curious to hear what you think. I've been engaged for almost 7 months now and I'm getting married next July. I have a bunch of friends that are engaged and two of them in particular are very good friends of mine....good enough friends that my parents got them generous engagement gifts (and they didn't have parties). I'm sure you'll know what I'm going to say next. Neither of their parents got us an engagement gift yet and I'm kind of hurt about it. It's not like I've been engaged for a month - it's been 7 months! I know that I'm just going to have to suck it up and just accept it, but I just had to vent and see what you guys thought! What would you guys do? Thanks in advance!
CaCRmr
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Maybe they're planning on giving you a NICE wedding gift instead. Be prepared now! What you think is going to happen when it comes to money, gifts ...etc... the opposite will probably happen. I thought when I had my engagement party I would get a lot of money, I got ALL gifts. I loved each one but I'll be honest, I was looking for the money because everyone says and engagement party brings money. Just a side note.
tina_cuse01
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do. But I do understand your feelings.
CaCRmr is right though, try not to have any preconceptions about gifts. People will definately surprise you - hopefully for the better.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Is there anything you can do? What do you mean? I definitely wouldn't say anything to your friends if that's what you are thinking of. We didn't have an engagement party, and really didn't get any gifts (some $ from close close relatives, that was it). I didn't really think much of it.
kpny622
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
They may be waiting for your shower. But I'll tell you that many people who I gave engagement gifts to, did NOT give me gifts back. And some people who did give me gifts really surprised me with their generosity. It's a strange thing! Be prepared now...my wedding was very similar. People did not give me back what I gave them for their wedding, whereas, people who I know don't have the money gave me overly generous gifts!
excitedbride2b
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
I guess you guys are right...of course I wouldn't say anything to my friends...I just needed to get it off my chest...
Thanks for your posts!
MrsK-in-June05
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
I am so confused, I thought the engagement part and shower were for gifts and the wedding was for money?? That is why I made big registries for now and I am gonna shut them all down before the wedding. My FH said in NY the engagement and shower were just gifts. I am hoping for new bedroom linens and new bathroom shtuff!! I will need the money for the wedding,lol.
excitedbride2b
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
MrsKinMay05 - you're right...for engagements and showers, I think most people give gifts off a registry (not $$) although we've gotten a few checks as well. When I said that my parents got them generous gifts, I meant they spent a lot of $$ on stuff off their registry. Hope it makes more sense!
marymoon
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Ugh! U know what you're going through. I've been through that a lot. Maybe your parents are just more generous, aside fomr the obvious that maybe your firneds parents can;t afford it, but I think if that were the case, you wouldn't be saying anything. I've been engaged 6 months and I've already learned not to have expectations about gifts..people will really surprise you, both with how cheap they can be and how generous. A lot of people are waiting for us to have a party (which we can't afford) and others are saying they're waiting to give us a gift closer to the wedding, or give us a big wedding gift. Personally, I won't hold my breath. The solution? Come on LIW, vent and we'll all commiserate!
MrsK-in-June05
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Posted by excitedbride2b
MrsKinMay05 - you're right...for engagements and showers, I think most people give gifts off a registry (not $$) although we've gotten a few checks as well. When I said that my parents got them generous gifts, I meant they spent a lot of $$ on stuff off their registry. Hope it makes more sense!
I get it now. I am sure you will receive something nice from them, you said you did not have a party yet, right? Give it time.
excitedbride2b
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
MrsKinMay05 - no we didn't have a party and we're not going to have one...we figured we'd rather put that $$ towards the wedding instead. Anyway, thanks for your post!
ChristineC68
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
How close are you to your friends' parents?
I know my mother has done things for some of my friends but I wouldn't really expect their parents to do anything for me because that's how the relationships are.
excitedbride2b
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
I'm VERY close with their parents - our families go out to dinner together sometimes, our parents are friendly (these people will be invited to my wedding and my parents will be invited to theirs)....
dita531
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
I had an engagement party and people brought me gifts.
I know this sounds bad but I personally wouldn't think to give someone an engagement gift unless they had a party/dinner/get together unless it was a very close friend. I would definatley send a card though.
ETA: As a bride- yes I love getting gifts just as much as the next gal. But you have to realize, as a guest, if you haven't had an engagement party, people will assume your having a shower. They will probably give you gifts then and at the wedding also. I had an engagement party thrown by my parents, but I definatley do not want to have a shower too. It gets very expensive for the guests.
marymoon
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Come to think of it, NONE of our firneds have gotten us e gifts..but they're all poor. Our frined took some of the pictures I sent out in an announcment e-mail and made this animated slide show thing with them, that was so thoughtful and sweet!
We're gonna have a little housewarming/engagement party for our closest firneds when FH moves into his new apt, but we don't really expect gifts!
christy
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
I did not receive any gifts, or help with my wedding. Infact, all I got was $200 in a card from my dad at the wedding as my final gift.
I hear what you are saying, and it is not selfish. It hurts to see others get so much when you do not get anything.
dm24angel
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Re: Engagement Gift Vent (PLEASE HELP!)
Let me tell you, I too have been engaged 7 months...Fh's brother is a millionaire thanks to winning the lottery and we didnt even get a card but we got a card from his wifes parents so nothing surprises me anymore!
eta: I have only given two engagement gifts in my life to people whom I kew gave gifts themselves...I usally dont and we got 4 I think all together
