Sorry this is kind of long.... So my mom is throwing me and FH an engagement party in the middle of september and the invitations have to go out next week. She is holding the party in the backyard of her house as kind of a bbq shindig type thing. My parents are divorced and my mom and my dad's mom (my gradma) do not get along at all. they hate each other. my mom told me that she will have a problem hosting a party with my grandmother there. i don't want to hurt my grandmother's feelings and tell her that she's not invited- out of all the people in my family i am the closest with her. and i want her there! i want her to meet everyone! i love my grandma, and i feel like it won't be the same without her there, and i certainly won't be as happy. but, i dont want to get in a fight with my mom over this, especially since she's being nice enough to throw us a party. my mom can also be quite nasty if i argue with her and i dont think i could deal with that right now.
oh boy do i know how you feel! my parents are divorced too and i originally had this problem when talking about my shower that my mom is paying for. she didnt want to invite my dads wife and i explained to her that she had to...blah blah long story. i guess its hard because being that your mom is doing it at her house and paying it really is her say. all you can do is express to her your feelings....honestly though...do you thinkyour grandmother would even feel comfortable going?
brookelovesjimbo
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Re: engagement party problem
honestly, i dont know if shed be comfotable going. i just don't want to have to tell her that she's not invited. i think it would really hurt her.
evewedsjc
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Re: engagement party problem
I have dealt with something similar...the conclusion was basically that it is about being around the people you love.
Their feelings should have no bearing on them coming together for you...its the right and mature thing to do...it is not fair for hem to offer things with stipulations..I basically said thank you and I appreciate it but if you are going to put me in the middle and do something I don't think is right...I would rather throw my own party...
Aristotelina
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Hmm..this is tricky.
I would tell your grandmother that your mom is hosting a little party just for her people..and that you would like to have your grandmother meet FH and his family on a separate occassion. Maybe you can all go out to dinner together or something?
I mean, your mom is being nice enough to throw the party--but you also don't want her to feel uncomfortable or bitter. I know your grandmother will be hurt, but def try and set something up on the side with grandma.
I'm sorry honey.
kgicrls
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Re: engagement party problem
I agree.. I would almost tell me mom, that you will have your own party. It's not right that your mother do that. I understand she is paying but it is a party for you and FH, not her. I hope you figure everything out before the invitations go out... Good lUck!
Future Mrs Roo
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this is JMO, I understand they hate each other but they can suck it up and deal with it for a couple of hours. Its not about them, it about you and FH. Im pretty sure they wont have to talk to each other the entire party b/c there will be other people there.
VickiR510
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Re: engagement party problem
if you cant speak with her about it. then its going to be her way. If you want your grandmother there then you need to deal with your mother & ask her to please do this one thing for you. She should know that you are close with her & for your sake do this one thing. Sometimes people need to be mature adults when it comes to their children. Your mom has to realize that this about you & fh not her & your grandmother.
flairforfashion
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Def a tricky situation. The first thing that popped in my head was I would talk to Mom and say I want everyone around me that I love. See if she will understand. I mean, in party situations like this- there will be so many people to distract your Mom from your Grandma- she won't even have to really see her. If that doesn't work, I would have a party with this side and one with your Dad's side.
PoppedInASnap
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My advice would be, can you invite people for her to sit with? Like that will distract her and keep her occupied from the rest of the people there? Does that make sense lol?
brookelovesjimbo
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thanks for your advice girls. it's much appreciated.
mcbride62009
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You are going to have to make a choice. The same thing happened with oe of my bm when she was planning her e-party in the end it all worked out.
Either tell ur grandma the situation and have alittle thing with her
