I have a sort of question/vent for you. FH and I are mostly paying for our wedding...my parents are paying for the rest. With that being said, FH and I both still live at home (thank god for financial reasons) and we are both putting any extra money we have and our paychecks into this wedding. Also, as you might know from some of my pasts posts - FH is away for a month at a time with his job - so we don't see each other that much. Well, I think everything has taken it's toll on each of us - the fact that we are pinching and saving every penny for the wedding, and the fact that he is away more than he is home. It has started to create a little stress because we hardly talk (due to the fact that because of his job and being away, we are on total opposite schedules - not because we dont want to talk to each other), and when we finally do talk, it's always about money and how we are are paying for things and what is going on for the E-Party (in a month). It's just very frusterating because when we do talk its always only about money/plans/etc for the wedding...because thats all we have time to talk about. Are any of you ladies noticing that the stress of wedding planning has created some stress between you and FH? I am not saying it is causing serious problems between FH and I, as we still love each other so much and we can't wait to marry each other... I don't know, I guess I am just venting because it gets overwhelming at times because I feel like I am doing everything on my own. When FH is home, he is a saint and more then helpful though. Thank god FH comes home in about a week and a half...then we have a much needed vacation with his family down in the Caribbean. We have both agreed to not talk about the wedding while away....
Has any of your relationships between you and FH changed since you have gotten engaged? Ours definitely has in so many extremely wonderful ways, but this is the one negative side of it (as stated above)....
Sorry this is kinda long, and thanks for listening.
asg450
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Re: Engagement Relationship Vent/Question
Yes, we have had moments where I was soo stressed planning things by myself that I've blown up on him. We have had little arguments about wedding plans and things his family may want but I think is not necessary. I think you can't avoid these little tiffs. It's all a part of the planning process.
I do feel sometimes like we talk more about wedding plans than other things.
lilpiggy742
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Re: Engagement Relationship Vent/Question
oooh yees...been there done that. In the beginning it was crazy. I think we both let it get the best of us and it was making us crazy and fight. Then we postponed it and honestly, backing off was the best thing we could have done. Now we are both in better financial positions and are getting better with priorities and working things out. Not like there isnt times when we want to strangle each other, of course we have those days..but it has calmed down alot. Try not to make the wedding into this HUGE thing b/c you'll make yourself nutso. It's one day...and you'll have your whole life with him.
Maybe you can make one day a week to talk about wedding stuff...like sunday is your wedding talk day and you can discuss everything then but only then. It may help take the stress and pressure off a bit.
bubberflys
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Re: Engagement Relationship Vent/Question
We're strapped for $$ too and have had many wedding/finacial talks. We also live together so we have our $ going to a lot of other things as well that need to be discussed between the two of us.
My first reaction while reading your post was to tell you to take some time and go on at least a 'mini'vacation..but since you're going away, that makes it easier. I think that will help a lot.
You still have a little less than a year to go so my advice (and this is what we do) is to plan a small 'date' every few weeks. And they don't have to be expensive. As mentioned above, we did a walk to the ice cream shop (Carvel on Wed = buy one get one) Other inexpensive ideas that we've done...a small day trip to Greenport , another to NYC ,and we have another planned for Montaulk. Aside from travel, you can make these trips as expensive ($$$$ restaurants/hotel for over night) or as cheap (we packed a picnic lunch and had dinner at a nice/cheaper BBQ place and stayed only for the day) as you want to make it.
Even just taking an hour after dinner (our favorite weather conditions in the spring/summer) to go for a walk around the area you live or maybe a boardwalk.. or even wait for the night to fall and see the stars... it's totally up to your tastes. But I know these small things here and there, once in a while, have taken so much stress off us and made us feel like we were 'dating'again.
Hope this helps!!!
MrsCM
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Re: Engagement Relationship Vent/Question
Posted by MarjorieFrank
We have had similar stress and tension in our relationship for awhile. It is such a hard thing because financial problems will always be there. We both work so hard and it never seems enough so it's so tough.
I have always been a crazy saver my entire life. I have been saving since my first job when I was sixteen for exactly this, my wedding and my house. FH wasn't a saver when we first started dating and I annoyed him to no end. I hated when he bought large purchases like a camera or a laptop, because I literally never buy myself anything. He saves now every cent but it hasn't affected our relationship too much after we got engaged because I had been like that prior and he is used to it now. It is very tough though because we don't do anything together, we never go out to dinner or to the movies or anything because it costs too much money so that adds tension. I feel like this will never go away unless we move out of state... it s u c ks.
Good Luck to you! With time, I think the tension and stress will ease. Enjoy your vacation!
Can I ask how you got him to start saving? FH is the same way he has sooo much and I never spend a dime on myself and now we're in save mode with combined finances and some changes to our finances lately (I got laid off and he's getting excessed because his district is closing his school) so we don't go out most of the time and he gets grumpy cause he says I'm being controlling and not letting him spend any of the money he works hard for. I'm trying to find a balance and until he finds a new teaching job, I'm trying to keep him from impulse spending.
