Equal shower gifts?

My male cousin and his fiancee are getting married at the end of July. She came to my recent shower and gave us our $200 bedding set. I was completely blown away at how generous they were (and of course was very grateful in the ty) and kind of in shock. It seemed somewhat out of character from what I know of their professions and such.

I just received an invite in the mail for her shower. It's the weekend after we get married, so I can't go, but do I send a gift worth the same/similar amount? I normally spend around $75 on a shower gift, and I'm not necessarily close with this cousin.

My gut says to match it. What do you think?

Thanks...I'm really hoping that they used coupons and didn't pay $200 for it! And it's not like we're close, so I have no idea why they would spend that much. This has really thrown me because it's so far above what is standard.

What about going in on a joint gift with someone else and making sure that they get something else bigger?

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Posted by Wifeynella

I dont think you have to match. You gift according to the relationship and whats your normal. Maybe go $100-125, but if you wouldnt normally spent 200, I wouldn't now

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ITA...I would probably spend 75 on a relative (100-150 on a close friend/relative)...but since she spent 200 on you, I would go for 100-125. Check Macys, too. Sometimes they have great sales (better than BBB) and you could use their coupons. It's possible that this is what they did.

Some people are just nice and may not think about the cost of a gift when they just want to give someone something nice. =D


What exactly is 'Standard' gift giving procedure to you??? People should only spend what they think you are worth to them?

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Posted by dedecakes

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Posted by Wifeynella

I dont think you have to match. You gift according to the relationship and whats your normal. Maybe go $100-125, but if you wouldnt normally spent 200, I wouldn't now

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ITA...I would probably spend 75 on a relative (100-150 on a close friend/relative)...but since she spent 200 on you, I would go for 100-125. Check Macys, too. Sometimes they have great sales (better than BBB) and you could use their coupons. It's possible that this is what they did.

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Yeah, I spend about the same amount. She gave us something from BBB as we're not registered at Macys, but they are. I will ask my mom to keep a look out for coupons (I live out of state).

Thanks!

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Posted by SFAR89

Some people are just nice and may not think about the cost of a gift when they just want to give someone something nice. =D


What exactly is 'Standard' gift giving procedure to you??? People should only spend what they think you are worth to them?

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As pp have posted, standard seems to be around $100. Spending $200 on someone that you have met twice just seems a bit over the top. Of course I'm grateful, but it was very surprising.

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I am sure the answer will be in your etiquette book

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Seriously? If you have an issue with my question or don't agree with something I said, then please go ahead and debate. I'm more than open to that.

There are some things that aren't cut and dry. Thank yous and inviting guests with a date do not fall into that category. Since when is referencing an etiquette book a negative thing?

I would certainly hope that you would research as much as possible in order to plan an appropriate event.

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Posted by sucrets4

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I am sure the answer will be in your etiquette book

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Seriously? If you have an issue with my question or don't agree with something I said, then please go ahead and debate. I'm more than open to that.

There are some things that aren't cut and dry. Thank yous and inviting guests with a date do not fall into that category. Since when is referencing an etiquette book a negative thing?

I would certainly hope that you would research as much as possible in order to plan an appropriate event.

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People have no problem with the advice but in the delivery of the advice. There are different ways of wording things without putting others down or I should say talking down to them. Proper etiquette is also about how you carry yourself and the most important part to me is not being rude. I feel the whole idea on etiquette is defeated if somebody has to be rude to do so.

Maybe you did it without realizing, maybe its the MB and things come across the wrong way which is possible. People will be more than happy to listen to your advice if it was said differently.

Now back to the question, normally I do spend about $100-200 on a gift depending on relationship of course. Will go even higher if very close to them. I normally would give about the same amount someone spent on me but at the same time it's not how I determine how much to spend on somebody. I never had a situation where somebody I am not close to gave me an expensive gift so not sure what I would do but I think i'd at least come somewhat close to what they spent. Also, you never know what their financial situation is, their professions shouldn't have anything to do with it. You can have somebody who makes a lot of money but at the same time have a lot more expenses and spend a lot more and you can have somebody who makes a lot less but doesn't spend a lot and knows how to budget their money well. Maybe she is just a giving person, and likes to give. Whenever I'm financially able to, i will spend a good amount on a gift.

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I am sure the answer will be in your etiquette book

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by sucrets4

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I am sure the answer will be in your etiquette book

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Seriously? If you have an issue with my question or don't agree with something I said, then please go ahead and debate. I'm more than open to that.

There are some things that aren't cut and dry. Thank yous and inviting guests with a date do not fall into that category. Since when is referencing an etiquette book a negative thing?

I would certainly hope that you would research as much as possible in order to plan an appropriate event.

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People have no problem with the advice but in the delivery of the advice. There are different ways of wording things without putting others down or I should say talking down to them. Proper etiquette is also about how you carry yourself and the most important part to me is not being rude. I feel the whole idea on etiquette is defeated if somebody has to be rude to do so.

Maybe you did it without realizing, maybe its the MB and things come across the wrong way which is possible. People will be more than happy to listen to your advice if it was said differently.

Now back to the question, normally I do spend about $100-200 on a gift depending on relationship of course. Will go even higher if very close to them. I normally would give about the same amount someone spent on me but at the same time it's not how I determine how much to spend on somebody. I never had a situation where somebody I am not close to gave me an expensive gift so not sure what I would do but I think i'd at least come somewhat close to what they spent. Also, you never know what their financial situation is, their professions shouldn't have anything to do with it. You can have somebody who makes a lot of money but at the same time have a lot more expenses and spend a lot more and you can have somebody who makes a lot less but doesn't spend a lot and knows how to budget their money well. Maybe she is just a giving person, and likes to give. Whenever I'm financially able to, i will spend a good amount on a gift.

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Thank you for the reply. I do appreciate all the different opinions which is why I posted this. You're right, I shouldn't assume about finances, but I guess I was just trying to make a point that they're not exactly rolling in it. Again, it just seemed out of place and was a (pleasant) surprise.

As for my tone - I am blunt and straightforward and I know that. But I have been giving advice on boards for awhile (admittedly not here until recently) and think that I have helped at least a handful of people out in my time.

And at no point in time have I personally attacked someone's avatar, going so far as to make crude HS BJ jokes. Call me rude and immature for voicing my opinion about wr things, but I most certainly would never amuse myself and other posters on pure conjecture.

Thanks again for the reply. I appreciate your time and will certainly give it some thought. :)

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Posted by seawedding

Don't spend beyond what you can afford!

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Definitely! I won't stretch myself too thin just to reciprocate, but just wondered what people thought. Btw, I love Danfords!! I grew up around there - it's so gorgeous! :)

I did not read all the drama threads and without taking any sides, let's put old topics behind us and move on with the wedding planning. Some people are better with words and some are more blunt. Sometimes people type without actually thinking it through. I do that all the time.

As far as the shower gift, I don't think you need to match the value of the gift, especially since you cannot attend the shower. Like you said, they might have used a coupon or even have store credit. Give what you can. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

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Posted by lucamon

I did not read all the drama threads and without taking any sides, let's put old topics behind us and move on with the wedding planning. Some people are better with words and some are more blunt. Sometimes people type without actually thinking it through. I do that all the time.

As far as the shower gift, I don't think you need to match the value of the gift, especially since you cannot attend the shower. Like you said, they might have used a coupon or even have store credit. Give what you can. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

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Thanks.

That is a good point about store credit. I didn't think about that. I can't attend the shower since I live so dang far away (boo) and if anything, I would give a little bit more because I couldn't be there.

I'm thinking around $125-150 but maybe going in with my mom or brother.

Thanks for the reply! :)

Do you think that was their shower AND wedding gift?

You could give them a smaller shower gift and a check for their wedding once that rolls around.

Just a suggestion.