My brother has been dating his girlfriend for one year now. She has seen pictures and heard me talking about my RED bm dresses. Yesterday she tells me she got a red gown for the wedding. It was really nice of her to ask me, so is it wrong if i tell her yes I would mind. She claims she thought my dresses were beige \ I feel like it would look weird in the pictures but i aslso feel that i cant tell someone what they can / cannot wear Anyway...what are your thoughts, opinions on this?
PattyK
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Re: Would you be mad if...
If it were me I would probably be mad at her. To me it sounds like she is trying to look like she is a BM, but that's just me.
melissankurt07
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I don't know if I would be mad but YES it would bother me. Especially if you told her your BM dresses were red!!! Beige???? How many BM's wear Beige???? I don't know if I would have the guts to ask her to wear a different color either. I know I am not a big help!!! Maybe since she asked you just say... 'Well.. If you don't mind finding a different color, but if not then it would be ok I guess.'
ETA: If you are mad then I would definitely tell her to get a different color. It is your wedding after all!!!
LB and DC
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well, my line of thinking that if she bothered to ask you if you would mind (assuming it was done in a nice and not antagonistic way) that it would be okay to tell her you would prefer she didn't wear red. if she didn't care, why would she ask? it's good that she did ask, it shows she cares (even if just a little). the worst that can happen it that she wears red anyway, in which case people will think she is weird because she knew the color of your BM dresses and it is now obvious she is trying to pull something.
KellyS15
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I was a guest at my FI's friends wedding and when I got there the day before she told me they were wearing red dresses, the same red as my dress. I went out and bought a new dress!
I think it all depends on your personal preference. If you really do mind...I would tell her.
DeannaNDave07
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if you really are thinking it might or will bother you... then i would just tell her. . just say it in the nicest way possible... she has to understand... its your wedding!!
sweetdreamz1181
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Posted by PattyK
If it were me I would probably be mad at her. To me it sounds like she is trying to look like she is a BM, but that's just me.
sounds like that to me too!
jenn122397
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Posted by KellyS15
I was a guest at my FI's friends wedding and when I got there the day before she told me they were wearing red dresses, the same red as my dress. I went out and bought a new dress!
I think it all depends on your personal preference. If you really do mind...I would tell her.
well it just bothered me that i am like 99% sure she KNEW my dresses were red and if any of my guests wore a red dressit wouldnt bother me but i just think it would look like a wanna-be bm dress since she will be with my bro who is in the BP
jenn122397
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Posted by sweetdreamz1181
Posted by PattyK
If it were me I would probably be mad at her. To me it sounds like she is trying to look like she is a BM, but that's just me.
sounds like that to me too!
you guys must know her! lol cause she is definitely the type to do something like that
Lemons
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I would politely tell her not to wear it
stickymartini
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Tell her your BM dresses are red and that she really should change her dress. It's not appropriate for anyone to wear the same color as the bridal party. It also use to be considered an insult to the bride to wear red to a wedding. Red tends to claim too much attention and it would steal away from the bride they say. (whoever THEY are)
If you dont want to be the bad guy..you could tell your brother or one of your parents to speak to her about it. I'd be annoyed if it were me...
SylvieB
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My brother lives in CA and has a new girlfriend we have never met. He calls me one day and asks if its OK if she wears chocolate (which is my color)? WHAT??? I was like are you kidding me, there is not another color in this whole world she can wear???? I didn't have a problem saying hell no. You tell her the same!
jenn122397
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Posted by stickymartini
Tell her your BM dresses are red and that she really should change her dress. It's not appropriate for anyone to wear the same color as the bridal party. It also use to be considered an insult to the bride to wear red to a wedding. Red tends to claim too much attention and it would steal away from the bride they say. (whoever THEY are)
If you dont want to be the bad guy..you could tell your brother or one of your parents to speak to her about it. I'd be annoyed if it were me...
my mom thinks im crazy - she says its just a dress - why would i care and my brother - well thats a whole other story....he is very protective of her and he swears that i just hate her, which is totally not the case. She did offer to wear another dress. I think i may ask to see the dress - it may be a totally different shade and i guess that wouldnt be as obvious
Kara and Todd
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First, I think you are overthinking this a little. How much could it look like your BM dresses -- and how do you know it's even the same shade of red?
I don't think anyone is going to mistake her for a BM or go so far as to think she is trying to make herself look like a bridesmaid. Wedding guests just don't think that way.
As for the pictures... Right now, she's just your brother's gf. SHe's not going to be in the family pictures and she's not going to be in the BP pictures - so what are you worried about? I'm sure she'll make her way into some of the more candid shots, but so what?
Sometimes people do annoying things - like this - but I don't know how worried I would be about it. Up until a few weeks before my wedding, both my mom and my MIL were going to wear navy -- my girls wore navy. Both changed their minds, but I wasn't about to tell them not to wear navy. They're adults and can wear what they want. It's not like they went out and purchased the BM dress.
Ask to see the dress if you're worried about it. If it looks too much like the BM dresses, then you can tell her you'd rather she wear something else... After all, she DID ask your opinion. Just bear in mind that someone may show up wearing red unknowingly.
Good luck. If you're that bothered by it, say something. If you aren't going to say something, though, try to focus on other, happier things.
Good luck. Let us know if you talk to her!
meli722
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lurking from the 09 board, but i would def. be upset! especially if she knew your dresses were red
abslout
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I would tell her no - unless you would like to include her in the wedding some way.
ant n tilde
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if she were just a guest then i wouldn't care
but like i said yesterday, she is going to be in the family pictures so I think it is going to look like she is a BM. Did she show you the dress? Is it the same exact color?
I know that a few people were jokingly mad at me bc i chose blue for my dresses and a lot of people like wearing blue dresses (like my sister and cousin etc.) so now they couldnt wear it
I mean, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. . . but like a PP said - if she asked maybe you can suggest that she gets a different dress
idk - you have wanted red for so long, it isnt like you changed your mind. . . i dont get it really!
magbride
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That's a toughie. As a guest, if I know what the BMs colors are, I steer clear of that, so it's weird to me that someone who deliberately go out to buy a dress that shade. At the same time, she probably won't be the only guest in red so I don't know how mad I'd get.
My friend mentioned that she's wearing brown to my wedding. That's what my BMs are wearing. Honestly, it didn't strike me as odd until I saw this post. My initial reaction to her was 'oh good you'll be an honorary BM.' I said that b/c this is one of my close friends who I would've loved to ask but didn't b/c I couldn't include everyone. I also figure I'm having a fall wedding. there's bound to be people in brown.
ETA: If she's going to be in family pics, well, then, yeah it's a little weird.
DanNette
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I'd be a little annoyed, but the good thing is, the reds won't match so she will stand out a little. (She'll look like a wanna-be BM)
JennysMOH
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I would be a bit annoyed. If it was some guest who did not know that the BM dress color was going to be X color I would be ok with it but someone close or knows of the colors and still decides to get a dress in that color would annoy me.
I would drop hints about what you have read on here and say 'I can't believe people would do something like wear the same color as the BM' or watch the WE station and drop hints when you see a guest wearing the same color as BM, maybe she'll get the hint.
