Etiquette Question? Who pays for what?

OK, A question for all the LIW experts out there.

My generous parents are paying for the reception and I know I'm extremely blessed that they are doing this yet I feel guilty. With that being said, I wanted pay for flowers and photographer.

So my question is, besides the rehearsal dinner, do the Groom's parents pay for anything else? My FH is an only child of divorced parents that are now remarried with new spouses. My girlfriend says I should broach it this way:
'do you think either of your parents might offer to pay for something like flowers, photographer....because if not - I think maybe we should pay for them.'

What is everyone's thoughts? I really don't want my parents to pay for the entire thing. I want to contribute but also think his parents should contribute!
Thanks everyone!

The only thing that my FH parents are paying for is the RH dinner .....They dont have much money ...well at least they say they dont, but your FH could always ask and seewhat they say..

Other than that they really arent responsible for any expenses

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Posted by dream426

They are suppose to pay for the flowers also besides the rehearsal dinner. That is what FH parents are doing.

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His Mom is lovely and I actually called her to tell her about the RH. She didn't bring anything up which makes me think 'hmm.' I think I will have FH maybe bring it up to them...

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by dream426

They are suppose to pay for the flowers also besides the rehearsal dinner. That is what FH parents are doing.

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His Mom is lovely and I actually called her to tell her about the RH. She didn't bring anything up which makes me think 'hmm.' I think I will have FH maybe bring it up to them...

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Yeah that is safer to do. Have him bring it up.

We're not going traditional. I think things have changed a lot and while in the past it was customary for certain sets of parents to pay for specific items, it rarely happens as such and i wouldnt count on it.

With that being said, i think what you plan to say is fine. FILs dont have much money so i asked FH if he thought they'd be able to help out with anything and he said he had already spoke to them about it and they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner and limos. So that was a weight lifted off our shoulders. Money is always a sensitive issue, just be careful how things are said.

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Posted by cherish83

We're not going traditional. I think things have changed a lot and while in the past it was customary for certain sets of parents to pay for specific items, it rarely happens as such and i wouldnt count on it.

With that being said, i think what you plan to say is fine. FILs dont have much money so i asked FH if he thought they'd be able to help out with anything and he said he had already spoke to them about it and they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner and limos. So that was a weight lifted off our shoulders. Money is always a sensitive issue, just be careful how things are said.

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Exactly, I want to broach the subject very lightly. If they do not offer to pay for anything, I totally want to pay for additional things to help my parents out. I think they are SO generous to pay for reception.

etiquette wise - his parents should also pay for the honeymoon

but real world wise - anything they can offer to help with. . .and since your parents are paying for so much they should AT LEAST try to pay for the RD

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by cherish83

We're not going traditional. I think things have changed a lot and while in the past it was customary for certain sets of parents to pay for specific items, it rarely happens as such and i wouldnt count on it.

With that being said, i think what you plan to say is fine. FILs dont have much money so i asked FH if he thought they'd be able to help out with anything and he said he had already spoke to them about it and they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner and limos. So that was a weight lifted off our shoulders. Money is always a sensitive issue, just be careful how things are said.

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Exactly, I want to broach the subject very lightly. If they do not offer to pay for anything, I totally want to pay for additional things to help my parents out. I think they are SO generous to pay for reception.

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That is extremely generous of them, considering the cost and that a lot of couples are paying for it themselves as are my FH and me. So lucky there and i think its nice of you to want to pay for the other things and not put that on your parents.

There are no set rules..

I mean...some people do diff things...

Theres a thread ill bump

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Posted by cherish83

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by cherish83

We're not going traditional. I think things have changed a lot and while in the past it was customary for certain sets of parents to pay for specific items, it rarely happens as such and i wouldnt count on it.

With that being said, i think what you plan to say is fine. FILs dont have much money so i asked FH if he thought they'd be able to help out with anything and he said he had already spoke to them about it and they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner and limos. So that was a weight lifted off our shoulders. Money is always a sensitive issue, just be careful how things are said.

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Exactly, I want to broach the subject very lightly. If they do not offer to pay for anything, I totally want to pay for additional things to help my parents out. I think they are SO generous to pay for reception.

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That is extremely generous of them, considering the cost and that a lot of couples are paying for it themselves as are my FH and me. So lucky there and i think its nice of you to want to pay for the other things and not put that on your parents.

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I really admire that you and your FH are paying for it yourselves. That is great!! I adore my parents so much and want to make this as 'stress free' as possible for them. At the same time, I don't want my parents to think that my FH's parents are weird for not offering anything? does this make sense?

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by cherish83

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by cherish83

We're not going traditional. I think things have changed a lot and while in the past it was customary for certain sets of parents to pay for specific items, it rarely happens as such and i wouldnt count on it.

With that being said, i think what you plan to say is fine. FILs dont have much money so i asked FH if he thought they'd be able to help out with anything and he said he had already spoke to them about it and they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner and limos. So that was a weight lifted off our shoulders. Money is always a sensitive issue, just be careful how things are said.

---

Exactly, I want to broach the subject very lightly. If they do not offer to pay for anything, I totally want to pay for additional things to help my parents out. I think they are SO generous to pay for reception.

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That is extremely generous of them, considering the cost and that a lot of couples are paying for it themselves as are my FH and me. So lucky there and i think its nice of you to want to pay for the other things and not put that on your parents.

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I really admire that you and your FH are paying for it yourselves. That is great!! I adore my parents so much and want to make this as 'stress free' as possible for them. At the same time, I don't want my parents to think that my FH's parents are weird for not offering anything? does this make sense?

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Does make sense. Even though we're paying for the RH. My parents are helping out a lot. My dad is paying for photo/video and church. My mom and stepdad are paying for dress and all the frills and flowers. So when it comes to other things, my mom tells me to talk to his parents since my parents are paying for a lot... so i get what you're saying

I dont think there is a clear cut answer for this.

It depends on the financial situation of both families, and it depends on if the either familiy WANTS to contribute.

You can have a wealthy brides parents not offer a dime, because they dont believe in big weddings.

It all depends, but it doesnt hurt to ask

when my brothers' got married my parents paid for the rehersal dinner and for drinks at a bar between the church and the reception because there was a large break in between.

My parents are helping us pay for everything. They gave us a very generous budget to work with and if we need more money it's on us.

My FH mom originally said the only thing she should pay for was the rehersal. she then offered to pay for a band but took that back. she now says she's not going to pay for the rehersal dinner either.

Tradition doesnt seem to apply in all cases these days.

Have your FH talk to his parents about it. It's the easiest and best way to go about it.

i feel the same way. right now my parents are paying for the RH (that's all we've booked so far!). i told FH to ask his parents what they are willing to contribute. i don't feel comfortable asking! so far they haven't mentioned or offered anything. i'm hoping they will contribute something b/c i don't want my parents paying for everything. plus FH and I plan to pay for something as well. I can't expect everyone else to pay for it all!

And what i've heard and read, FIL's are 'supposed' to pay for at least RD and/or honeymoon. Now-a-days, I hear FIL's paying for the dj/band or flowers. Times have changed! But whatever anyone contributes will be helpful!

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Posted by bemyyoko

when my brothers' got married my parents paid for the rehersal dinner and for drinks at a bar between the church and the reception because there was a large break in between.

My parents are helping us pay for everything. They gave us a very generous budget to work with and if we need more money it's on us.

My FH mom originally said the only thing she should pay for was the rehersal. she then offered to pay for a band but took that back. she now says she's not going to pay for the rehersal dinner either.

Tradition doesnt seem to apply in all cases these days.

Have your FH talk to his parents about it. It's the easiest and best way to go about it.

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I am going to talk to FH tonight. He is so thankful that my parents are paying for reception. FH is so thoughtful and extremely sensitive when it comes to 'etiquette' etc. I just don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt so early in the wedding process! I do adore his parents as well but I just don't think they 'know'.

I don't think there are any real rules anymore. But traditionally, the grooms parents main responsibility is the rehearsal dinner and the groom does the honeymoon.

But I agree you should word it to your FH the way your friend suugested- you never know! Maybe they will offer to get something for you as a gift!

Thanks Everyone for all these great suggestions!!!! I am ready to talk to FH about it tonight!

You're all the best!

i think that in this day and age.. there is not right answer to this question. People decide to do what they WANT and CAN do. Unfortunetly in a perfect world people would be assigned responibilites and everyone would have the money.

I think it would be fine to say that to FH because you are planning a wedding and need to know if anyone else is going to be chipping in.