Ettiquete Advice

I'm on the fence about inviting a childhood friend to the wedding. We've known each other our whole lives but maybe see each other once a year, if that.
He came to my Engagement party (held at a restaurant) with his GF, and told me he forgot the card at home. He never sent one or a gift.
Is it wrong if I don't invite them to the wedding, especially considering they were invited to the Engagement party? Part of me feels it's rude not not invite him, but then another part of me wonders if I want to pay for them to come to my wedding if they couldn't even bring a card.

Ettiquete Advice

What is his financial situation? Is he working? Does he live on his own?

When we had our engagement party, we had a few friends who responded that they couldn't come, but we found out the only reason they weren't coming was because they couldn't afford to give us a gift. I immediately called them and told them that I didn't want a gift from them, but I expected them to come to the party and celebrate with us. My feeling was that we weren't throwing the party to receive gifts, we were doing it to celebrate with all the people we loved.

I do think that it was thoughtless to not even buy a $3 card, but maybe bc he's a guy, he didn't think about it. And maybe he said he forgot it at home because he was embarrassed. You know guys and their pride.

If he's really an important person in your life, invite him anyway. One person (or two, including the girlfriend, who, if you don't know her, you don't necessarily need to invite) isn't going to put you over your budget, and if it's worth holding onto the friendship, it wouldn't make a difference.

Sorry if this isn't the best advice or if it seems confusing. Hope it helps!

Re: Ettiquete Advice

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Posted by sgf2



I do think that it was thoughtless to not even buy a $3 card, but maybe bc he's a guy, he didn't think about it. And maybe he said he forgot it at home because he was embarrassed. You know guys and their pride.

If he's really an important person in your life, invite him anyway. One person (or two, including the girlfriend, who, if you don't know her, you don't necessarily need to invite) isn't going to put you over your budget, and if it's worth holding onto the friendship, it wouldn't make a difference.

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I'm in total agreement with this. I know I'd be annoyed, and can think of 2 people off of the top of my head who probably won't give a gift at our e-party. Some of my FH's friends are single guys who just don't know better. I say invite him, and give him the benefit of the doubt that he realizes a wedding gift is necessary!

Re: Ettiquete Advice

I say invite him, especially since he is your childhood friend that you do still see (even if once a year). Guys are guys. He could have simply forgotten the gift or it slipped his mind.
In my opinion, it is not proper to not invite someone to your wedding if they had been invited to the Engagement Party. Even if he didn't bring a gift- he was there to celebrate your engagement.

Ettiquete Advice

There will always be people who through poor financial situations or just lack of experience will not give you a gift. I personally think you have to look beyond that and invite people who you would like to share in your day regardless of whether they present a gift.

Re: Ettiquete Advice

I think if it's just one person you are debating this about just assume it is due to financial problems and/or a lack of experience and invite them anyway. There is always going to be someone who does something like that. All you can do is the right thing and hope that other people do the same too.

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