he came home and we talked and i cried and he let me tell him about how i feel about what happened between my parents and my weird feelings about that girl. he told me if it would make me feel better he doesn't have to hang out w her, but he pointed out that he's gone out to lunch w lots of people in the office and doesn't always tell me about it, and he's also gone out to lunch w a group of people including her.
we talked about everything and he pointed out that there have been situations i've been in where he COULD have gotten jealous/worried/upset and he didn't b/c he trusts me 100%...like times i've gone out to the city w my girlfriends and didn't answer my phone for hours, and he doesn't get upset b/c he knows i'm just out w my friends having fun. he said it's hard for him to hear that i don't trust him the same way he trusts me but he knows deep down i DO trust him, and he said he'll keep showing me he's faithful and reassuring me until one day i won't worry like that at all or ever again.
i wanted to thank all of you who responded...i appreciate your honesty...even the girls who thought maybe i WASN'T overreacting and that maybe there was some truth to the whole thing...it made me feel like at least i'm not crazy for feeling the way i was.
chrispar
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Without asking him why these girls are saying this have you sat and talked to him about how you feel and your concerns? I'm sorry that you are going through this Please feel free to FM me if you need anything
Danielle623
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
I'm only responding because you posted this on here and are probably expecting and hoping someone will.
I have a few questions and PLEASE do not think I am puting ideas in your head because I'm not. Chances are, he is completely loyal to YOU and only you. So please don't read into this, okay?
Why is he telling you about this? Is there anyway you would hear this from anyone other than him?
Did he know how you felt about this girl before this story?
Do you know for sure that he is having lunch with her when he isnt answering the phone?
sparklycat
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
you have fm and
040508Bride
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Re: something i can't talk about...
i am very sorry that you even have to deal with this....you guys need to talk.
Cutechef729
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Awe I'm sorry!!! I think you guys need to sit down and talk it out. I think he really needs to hear how you feel about the whole situation and why you feel like that. Good luck! You can work it out!!!!!!!!
siffleuse319
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
It's o.k. to feel jealous...and it doesn't make you a freak, baggage or not! You have every right to FEEL jealous...but just take some responsibility for how you act on your feelings. It sounds like you are completely justified in your wonder, your curiosity and yes...perhaps even your mistrust (only because you didn't know about their lunch dates...and when something is omitted or avoided, that tends to raise suspicion as well). I hate that you have to sit there and feel the angst of this while he is out at a bar practicing the distraction technique. Sounds like a warm, loving heart to heart is in order. I'm so sorry that you have to face this now....but I suppose there is no better time. Trust, as you know, is critical. I can understand why he'd be angry and hurt that you weren't demonstrating it. Two sides to every story....just talk with him. Good Luck....
JeanetteandSteve
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Posted by Danielle623
Why is he telling you about this? Is there anyway you would hear this from anyone other than him?
Did he know how you felt about this girl before this story?
Do you know for sure that he is having lunch with her when he isnt answering the phone?
the girl who was saying this, let's call her sandy, is a total biotch to FH. i have to hear about sandy EVERY day for months now...she's always trying to get FH in trouble at work b/c she doesn't do her job and she needs someone to blame it on. so he was telling me b/c he tells me every mean thing she does. but that WAS one of the things i originally thought...'why is he telling me, b/c he thinks i will hear it from someone else??'
about the girl he's been accused of having a thing with, no i never told him i had any kind of vibe about her b/c i don't want to sound like a jealous maniac. i once accused him like 6 years ago of having a relationship w a girl he was really good friends with and i was TOTALLY wrong, and ever since i don't want to sound like a nut.
i don't know for sure what he's doing when he doesn't answer his phone...i just know he's not at his desk and he's not answering his cell.
Mrs. V 2008
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
I'm so sorry your going through this jeanette..You two definately need to sit down and talk about this..but ultimately if you trust him..your first intuitions are probably right..don't freak yourself out until you have solid concrete answers..don't just assume..you'll drive yourself crazy... Please feel free to fm if you need to ...I'll be happy to listen
MrsHtobe
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
I know its hard, but if he has never given you a reason not to trust him in the past, why start now?
He should have told you if he was going out to lunch with her, but I've grabbed lunch with male friends from the office and not mentioned it to FH. . .I work with lots of guys, does he want me to eat alone? I usually mention it to him, but not always, and I don't think FH would care if I did or not.
He might have just told you because he trusted you that you would understand. He's probably a little embarassed and frustrated that people are saying that and needed to vent.
I don't think you are really giving him the benefit of the doubt. . .
ETA: I know giving the benefit of the doubt is sometimes easier said than done. You two just need to talk it out. Good luck!!!
jcslady
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
oh i am sooo sorry that is a tough situation....it is not a good feeling that you can't trust someone..and you should be communicating right now about it not him leaving..i am sorry you are going through this and if you need to talk fm anytime
Danielle623
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
He probably isnt doing anything but don't ignore your gut to the point that you will go insane. And certainly don't let him make you feel like you are insane. Did he ever do anything to make you doubt him?
JeanetteandSteve
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Posted by MrsHtobe
I don't think you are really giving him the benefit of the doubt. . .
see that's the problem...i AM giving him the benefit of the doubt...NOW...i totally trust him and like i said, he's the most loyal person i know...the problem is that my first reaction was the wrong one and now i don't know how to fix it. i feel like now he thinks i'm never gonna trust him and he'll always feel like he has to walk on eggshells. i don't want him to feel that way, but i feel like no matter what i say he's already seen the jealousy monster and i don't know what to say to make him realize i DO trust him.
JessesGirl
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
It's completely normal to feel jealous and suspicious sometime, this does not in any way make you crazy. I've gotten mad at FH for much less and vice versa. That doesnt mean you dont dont trust each other, its a little thing called human nature.If you felt weird vibes from this girl before, I dont think it would have been bad to tell him since honesty is the key to a happy relationship and marriage. Its good that everything is out in the open now...once this is over, you will feel A LOT better that your feelings were heard. As for the lunches, IMO I think its innapropriate to go out to lunch alone very often like that. But thats a personal decision and I really cant judge. Please FM if you need anything!
Snickers76
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Am I alone in thinking that you have every right to be concerned? STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been through a lot in many relationships and if there is one thing I have learned it is that where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
I think it is odd that he 1-doesn't answer his phone 2-or call you back when he goes out to lunch with her for over an hour? Does she live near their job?
If you get a weird feeling from her, it's not because you are crazy, it's because you are sensing something. If she avoids you, that's even more strange. If nothing was going on, and they are close enough to go out to lunch often together, she should be FRIENDS with you by now--or at least making an attempt. Not avoiding you.
Also, what did he have to pick up from her house? And why is he storming off? Typical guilty behavior.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I can not sit here and placate you. Trust me, I've been in your shoes before.
I hope that your FH is being faithful and honest, and there is a possibility that he is, but there is also the possibility that he is not.
You didn't do anything wrong. You're not crazy or jealous. FM if you need to talk. Or yell at me for writing this.
roan126
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
So sorry you are going through this it sounds like the emotion is just feeding on itself....every little thing he does or says now will make you think about this. I've definitley been there with other BFs from experience, it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy (not that he's doing anything, but you convince yourself that he is) I know its easier said than done, but try to let it go.
JeanetteandSteve
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
Posted by Snickers76
Am I alone in thinking that you have every right to be concerned? STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been through a lot in many relationships and if there is one thing I have learned it is that where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
I think it is odd that he 1-doesn't answer his phone 2-or call you back when he goes out to lunch with her for over an hour? Does she live near their job?
If you get a weird feeling from her, it's not because you are crazy, it's because you are sensing something. If she avoids you, that's even more strange. If nothing was going on, and they are close enough to go out to lunch often together, she should be FRIENDS with you by now--or at least making an attempt. Not avoiding you.
Also, what did he have to pick up from her house? And why is he storming off? Typical guilty behavior.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I can not sit here and placate you. Trust me, I've been in your shoes before.
I hope that your FH is being faithful and honest, and there is a possibility that he is, but there is also the possibility that he is not.
You didn't do anything wrong. You're not crazy or jealous. FM if you need to talk. Or yell at me for writing this.
i'm not going to yell at you for writing that. if i were reading this about someone's relationship i didn't know about i might be thinking the same things.
first of all, i edited my original post at the top to explain what i'm really feeling.
i know he's not doing anything w this girl...the weird vibe i get from her is either b/c she has a crush on him or it's b/c she's young and doesn't know how to act around the fiance of someone she has fun w and jokes around w at work. maybe she feels like she can't joke around w him in front of me b/c she DOESN'T want to make me feel jealous or uncomfortable and so she just avoids me altogether? there are so many reasons why she could act the way she does and only one of them involves FH doing something wrong. i know he is faithful to me...i don't mean to sound naive but i just know.
Gigi08
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Member since
Re: something i can't talk about...
I'm so sorry you're going through this now. But, I'm sorry I have to agree with this. I don't like the sound of him trying to turn this around on you and making you feel guilty. I don't care about jealous...you have every right to be concerned. I can understand getting annoyed if there is constant mistrust. But, in all honesty, if it is that innocent why is he so furious. I'm sorry, I don't remember from the original post now, but didn't you say he goes out to lunch with her all of the time? Maybe the biotch at work isn't just trying to get him in trouble...maybe she just doesn't think what he may be doing to you is right. I have to agree too that the girl's behavior doesn't sound right. I really am sorry...I agree it is a horrible feeling to not know what to believe so I really don't mean to make you feel worse. Just don't let him turn this around on you and make you feel like you are doing something wrong. I know how hard it is, but I think you need to have a long talk about it...maybe even have a talk with her.
Good luck to you!
ETA: You know him best and know your relationship. If you believe within your heart that it is really innocent, then trust your feelings. Only you will know best.
jgl
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Re: something i can't talk about...
ILOVEBRIAN2008
Posted:
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Re: something i can't talk about...
dont beat yourself up about this!
you love your fh and he loves u...im sure hes a bit upset right now but he will get over it..u also have a right to be upset..u didnt know he was getting lunch with this girl and im sure it was a bit surprising to u and with hearing everything else, it scared you and suspicions arose...thats a completely natural reaction and he will realize that the reason u acted the way you did is bc u were surprised to hear what you did, it caught you off guard and it scared u!
when he gets home just talk with him, appoogize and just explain that u trust him completely but to hear what others are saying but also to hear for the first time that they get lunch together a lot and how somtimes he doesnt answer his phone, it scared you and so you reacted to it
from what i read, it obvious that you love him and trust him and that he feels the same about u..im sure he knows that deep down u dont believe what u heard and he'll realize that it was jsut a reaction
