Ex BF vent

One of my best friends from HS. She is divorced now and she is totally against weddings and anything related to them. When I called her the night I got engaged to tell her..she was all distracted and not paying attention, so I was like is everything ok? She goes yeah, I m watching greys. Needless to say since then we don't really talk anymore. When we went out after I got engaged, she didn't even ask to see my ring. This girl was like a sister to me at one point. It really hurt but If you're so wrapped up in yourself that you can't even pretend to be happy for your best friend, I don't need you in my life. I originally wanted to have her as my MOH but now I don't even think I'm inviting her to the wedding.

At first FH told me to give her a break because of all that she has been through with the divorce but we were talking about it the other day and he's **** F**k her. If she was really your friend she would get overself and be there for you. He told the friends that are by your side now are the only ones that matter.

Has anyone else had to deal with drama like this?? I'm just really upset over this, it's like I lost one of my best friends.

Ya know, that really sucks. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. However, I have always heard that you really do see people's true colors when weddings are being planned.

I feel like everyone has at least one of those people in their lives- probably more. The people that are just so wrapped up in themselves or so severely jealous that they can't bring themselves to say something nice at one of the most exciting times in your life. Your FH is right. You don't need people like that. They will only bring negative energy, and we don't want that!

If you have one true friend in this world consider yourself very lucky. If you have one person who is happy for you no matter what, be thankful.
99% of people in this world are selfish .

My mother always told me, if people bring negativity to your life, get rid of them .

that's terrible. while i can understand that your friend has gone through a lot with her divorce, i don't think it's right that she is showing zero interest in your happiness. you deserve to be happy and in love, even if it didn't work out for your friend. i would have a hard time remaining friends with someone like this too. sorry you're going through this, i know how hard it is to lose a best friend

Some people can't be happy for other people if their lives are less than perfect at the moment. That is a toxic friend to be around during one of YOUR happiest times.

Do not make her MOH, FH is right, you will regret it. Nobody wants a debbie downer standing by you on your wedding day!

Come on? watching t.v when you are telling her you just got engaged???? What kind of friend is that?

I would make less effort to keep her in the loop and see if she makes ANY effort to keep in touch. Then you'll have your answer if you should even invite her to the wedding.

good luck

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Posted by HEATHERLYNNA

However, I have always heard that you really do see people's true colors when weddings are being planned.

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I heard this over and over again too. Truer words were never spoken.. its so sad actually.
I have been genuinely happy for my friends and family and involved in all of their happiness no matter what was going on in my life. If I had something personal going on and getting me down, they never knew about it.

J- your mama is very smart. I said the same thing about the negativity.

PS. I'm sorry for all of the fake b*tches you have had to deal with.

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Posted by Jsquared

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Posted by HEATHERLYNNA

However, I have always heard that you really do see people's true colors when weddings are being planned.

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I heard this over and over again too. Truer words were never spoken.. its so sad actually.
I have been genuinely happy for my friends and family and involved in all of their happiness no matter what was going on in my life. If I had something personal going on and getting me down, they never knew about it.

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Yes!!! Some people just can't pull their heads out of their own a s s e s long enough to realize it's not ALWAYS about them.

I did call her out on it and she told me I had to understand that it's hard for her to deal with weddings and that she thinks marriage is pointless. then I just said ok, I'll leave it alone. Mind you I got engaged almost a year and a half ago. Then one time I asked her if she wanted to go look at bridesmaids dresses and was like 'oh, I don't feel like doing that. How about we get something to eat and go have a few drinks?' Then I ended up going to to look with a couple of the other girls and then she sends me a message of FB that I'm leaving her out. Ughh. So I just gave up. I don't tell her about anything with the wedding and she doesn't ask. I stopped calling her and then a month ago she sends a bbm 'I don't know what happened to us' seriously?? I just said I don't know either and left it at that. I have tried over and over again. I haven't talk to her since then and I feel bad but I don't know what else to do. I'm just upset over the whole thing. I'm not having her in the wedding and at this point I don't even think I'm gonna invite her.

FH says that at this point if I try to put her in the wedding after all of this he will veto it. lol

I'm at a loss

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Posted by ReginaH

I did call her out on it and she told me I had to understand that it's hard for her to deal with weddings and that she thinks marriage is pointless. then I just said ok, I'll leave it alone. Mind you I got engaged almost a year and a half ago. Then one time I asked her if she wanted to go look at bridesmaids dresses and was like 'oh, I don't feel like doing that. How about we get something to eat and go have a few drinks?' Then I ended up going to to look with a couple of the other girls and then she sends me a message of FB that I'm leaving her out. Ughh. So I just gave up. I don't tell her about anything with the wedding and she doesn't ask. I stopped calling her and then a month ago she sends a bbm 'I don't know what happened to us' seriously?? I just said I don't know either and left it at that. I have tried over and over again. I haven't talk to her since then and I feel bad but I don't know what else to do. I'm just upset over the whole thing. I'm not having her in the wedding and at this point I don't even think I'm gonna invite her.

FH says that at this point if I try to put her in the wedding after all of this he will veto it. lol

I'm at a loss

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I understand others posting that she is very hurt and all of that. I get that. However, it isn't an excuse to not share in the happiness of a best friend. A best friend would realize that this isn't about her and push her feelings to the side a little bit. I wouldn't expect her to throw a party, but understand that just because her marriage didn't work out and she is bitter, doesn't mean she has to destroy how excited you are.

I would veto it too! A year and a half later and still no involvement... see ya later!!!

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Posted by Jsquared

If you have one true friend in this world consider yourself very lucky. If you have one person who is happy for you no matter what, be thankful.
99% of people in this world are selfish .

My mother always told me, if people bring negativity to your life, get rid of them .

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well said!

having gone through a terrible divorce, I can tell you that it's soul crushing.

I wouldn't cut her out of your life, but I would go on with your wedding planning without her. Don't include her in your BP.

Definitely invite her to events though.

People handle things differently and it's obvious she's still hurting. She could also do with some therapy too to help her get past her situation.

Remember, although this is YOUR day and yes, people should be happy with your situation, she could be sitting at home crying every night. I know that I was destroyed after mine and I had a wedding to go to also. I declined one bc I knew I'd ruin it crying. The other i went to, but it hurt so badly. I am glad i went though bc that person would have been so hurt had I not.

so, base it on your past relationship with her. was she like this before? if not, give her some leeway on it and go on planning yourself.

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Posted by ReginaH

One of my best friends from HS. She is divorced now and she is totally against weddings and anything related to them. When I called her the night I got engaged to tell her..she was all distracted and not paying attention, so I was like is everything ok? She goes yeah, I m watching greys. Needless to say since then we don't really talk anymore. When we went out after I got engaged, she didn't even ask to see my ring. This girl was like a sister to me at one point. It really hurt but If you're so wrapped up in yourself that you can't even pretend to be happy for your best friend, I don't need you in my life. I originally wanted to have her as my MOH but now I don't even think I'm inviting her to the wedding.

At first FH told me to give her a break because of all that she has been through with the divorce but we were talking about it the other day and he's **** F**k her. If she was really your friend she would get overself and be there for you. He told the friends that are by your side now are the only ones that matter.

Has anyone else had to deal with drama like this?? I'm just really upset over this, it's like I lost one of my best friends.

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Sounds very similar to what I went through a while ago (FH 'FCUK her ' included). Sometimes it's worth the peace to let go of toxic relationships that are more harmful than good. I'm better off, you will be too.

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Posted by allornil

having gone through a terrible divorce, I can tell you that it's soul crushing.

I wouldn't cut her out of your life, but I would go on with your wedding planning without her. Don't include her in your BP.

Definitely invite her to events though.

People handle things differently and it's obvious she's still hurting. She could also do with some therapy too to help her get past her situation.

Remember, although this is YOUR day and yes, people should be happy with your situation, she could be sitting at home crying every night. I know that I was destroyed after mine and I had a wedding to go to also. I declined one bc I knew I'd ruin it crying. The other i went to, but it hurt so badly. I am glad i went though bc that person would have been so hurt had I not.

so, base it on your past relationship with her. was she like this before? if not, give her some leeway on it and go on planning yourself.

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She has always been one of my most dramatic friends but this is even bad for her. I know divorces are a horrible thing to deal with and I was with her every step of the way. Keep in mind, her divorce was six years ago and she has dated people and had numerous relationships since. I have always been there through everything with her. But now that it's something that doesn't revolve around her, she wants no part of it.

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Posted by ReginaH

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Posted by allornil

having gone through a terrible divorce, I can tell you that it's soul crushing.

I wouldn't cut her out of your life, but I would go on with your wedding planning without her. Don't include her in your BP.

Definitely invite her to events though.

People handle things differently and it's obvious she's still hurting. She could also do with some therapy too to help her get past her situation.

Remember, although this is YOUR day and yes, people should be happy with your situation, she could be sitting at home crying every night. I know that I was destroyed after mine and I had a wedding to go to also. I declined one bc I knew I'd ruin it crying. The other i went to, but it hurt so badly. I am glad i went though bc that person would have been so hurt had I not.

so, base it on your past relationship with her. was she like this before? if not, give her some leeway on it and go on planning yourself.

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She has always been one of my most dramatic friends but this is even bad for her. I know divorces are a horrible thing to deal with and I was with her every step of the way. Keep in mind, her divorce was six years ago and she has dated people and had numerous relationships since. I have always been there through everything with her. But now that it's something that doesn't revolve around her, she wants no part of it.

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ok i changed my mind. 6 years? no. she's being a drama queen then. I;d still invite her to the wedding but that's it.

6 years...time to get over it.
I don't understand why people just cant be happy for you when they don't have what you have, isn't that what 'friends' do?
Throughout this whole process of having a baby and now getting married (we did things backwards, but who cares!!), I have learned sooo much about who is a friend and who is not. The ones who can't be happy are haters, and I said bye bye to them. I don't need them in my life and don't want them there.
It does really hurt, and I understand, but now its about you and starting your new life. Those who want to be there and be a friend will, and those who don't, oh well!!