Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

EJSD2006 Posted: Oct 13, 2006 11:43 PM

Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

Ok, to make a long story short I had a friend that I worked with that I was very close with that i had asked to be one of my BM's. blah, blah, blah, she never returned my calls when she moved out of state, we grew apart, she was rude to me so i told her it was ok not to be in my BP.

so 2 weeks before my wedding she emails me wishing me luck but it was kind of a backhanded thing cause it said 'i cant believe it took so long but after 10 years of dating it's finally here'. (she wanted to get married before me). whatever, i didnt respond cause i was still hurt. she sent me a text message on my birthday too.

so i ran into a mutual friend of ours last week and she told me that ex-BM was having problems with her FH and may not be getting married anymore, recently got fired from her job and may be moving back to NY. i was showing a house down the block from her mom's house the other day and her car was in the driveway (which it shouldnt be on a weeknight cause she lives out of state).

do you think this means the mutual friend was right that she moved back home? should i feel bad for her and email her? or just let sleeping dogs lie and tell myself this is karma coming back to get her for being so mean to me when i was planning my wedding and move on??? would you reach out to her if you were me?

mrsh2b Posted: Oct 13, 2006 11:57 PM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

That is so crazy b/c I have another friend in almost the exact situation. This is what I told her...was she that great of a friend to you? REALLY? Were you happier with or without her? In my friend's case, she was a total fair-weather friend and caused drama all the time. Yes she was fun but she was also a problem. So when she went her own way, we were all better off. Were you? Personally, I would let sleeping dogs lie but if you feel a strong connection to this girl or maybe you are seeking out some type of explanation and/or closure, then contact her. But if you are simply feeling the urge to call her b/c you feel bad for her, in my opinion, screw her. Where was she when you needed her? That's just me though and I hold grudges...hehe.... Good luck!

JIFFY Posted: Oct 14, 2006 12:04 AM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

I don't know what she did to you. I don't know what kind of mean you are talking about so I can't really gauge the situation. If she sent you a text for your birthday and then well wishes before your wedding then I would say that she is trying to reach out to you. If she is having hard times right now she could probably use a friend.

I'm all for that forgive and forget, however, there is a limit. If one person is being taken advantage of then there is no friendship. I had a friend of 30 years who I just recently cut out of my life. I try to surround myself with positive people and people who enhance and add to my life. Of course i hope to do the same for them and it can't be that way all the time...but most of the time.

Sometimes when people want to 'get married before you' it tends to hurt them in a way that the bride can't understand. So they lash out at the bride. To some people getting married is everything and having a family. So it hurts them but they shouldn't be jealous either. A true friend would be happy for you. If she needed to be sad then she should do that in private.

Since I don't know exactly what the situation is all I can say it examine the friendship you had over the years. Was it true? Was she there for you and vice versa? Is this someone you want in your life? If so then knock on the door and see what happens. Good Luck with everything!!

AlmostMrsKelly Posted: Oct 14, 2006 12:41 AM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

i wish i had some advice with you... i agree with the other girls. go with your gut.

EJSD2006 Posted: Oct 14, 2006 09:35 AM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

thanks girls, bump for more advice please...

faithandkevin Posted: Oct 14, 2006 01:38 PM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

I'm in a very similar situation also. I asked my 'friend' to be my MOH and she said yes. After that, I called her every day for 2 weeks, leaving messages and everything. She never called me back. Mind you, I was there for her for the past 10 years through everything. A broken engagement, her sister's death, every time her current BF left her. I don't have crazy drama in my life and she told my fiancee she was really jealous of me, etc. and it annoys her that I have a good life. So when I got engaged, she became very distant, but I thought she would get over it, but she didn't. I sent her an email telling her I wanted her to be part of my day, life,etc. and if I did anything to offend her, please tell me. Well she never called and told a mutual friend that I really 'hurt her', which is a lie. So i just think at this point
she really can't handle me being happy, and my life is better off without her. I want to be surrounded on my wedding day with people who are happy for me, not jealous.

sarahradio5 Posted: Oct 14, 2006 01:43 PM

Re: Ex-BM...what would you do??? (a bit long but i'm torn and i need help...sorry)

Unfortunately, I think you're better off without her. What if you let her back in your life, and it comes back to bite you in the azz? What if she tries to cause problems with your husband? Especially now that things aren't working out so well for her. You saw her true colors, consider yourself lucky you got out of that 'friendship' without any scars. I can tell you're a good person and feel bad for her - I would, too. But if she's NOT a good friend in return, then you risk YOUR life, YOUR marriage, YOUR future if she shows her true colors again in the future, if the green eyes of envy show again and she tries to mess with you. That back handed 'congratulations' was meant to hurt you... do you trust that she won't try to hurt you in some other way in the future? I wouldn't want anyone in my life that would intentionally try to hurt me...