Extremely distressed.

Hey everyone,
I am hoping someone can shed some light on my situation. My FH mother always constantly makes comments about what we plan to do for our wedding. At first after we became engaged she would mention things like ' you should go to city hall and get married' and I just would shrugg it off. But tonight we needed addresses to send out an engagement announcements to FH side of the family and she mumbled something that I didn't catch but my FH caught on to it. Needless to say they had words and now I feel extremely uncomfortable with her. She's making it seem like were wasting time and money which makes no sense being that were paying for this wedding ourselves. I feel like this game is getting old and I could really use some advice.

Yeah you are probably right. Thanks. I try to keep a positive swing towards her but seriouly she is driving me NUTZ

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Posted by StaceYums81

I would say don't let her attitude bother you. Clearly you have the support of FH since he got mad at her. I'd shrug it off as she's a miserable person - that's all...

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I agree with Stacey, Try your hardest to ignore her because obviously she is an unhappy person who wants to make everyone unhappy too.

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Posted by amarra121

I wish that was an option to not talk about the wedding in front of her. but unfortunately we need addresses from FH side of the family and I dont think that his parents have an address book. so something as simple as addresses now become a more time consuming job. and seriously its extremely frustrating for me and FH

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its tough just try not to let it bother you, they grew up differently and might view it as frivolous (sp?) and not worthing fussing about and spending this much money (which in the end it kind of is not that i dont LOVE planning the wedding of my dreams but you know we all go overboard at times )

i went through a little tiff with FH's mom and the worst thing i did was keep bringing it up with him cuz he was so upset over it

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Posted by amarra121

Yeah I know. but you see that would make sense if we had purchased something over the top. We took pictures that we had on snapfish.com and created a wedding announcement. My mom actually wanted them so she paid for them. It just feels like an endless cycle of mumbles and facial expressions. Seriously I don't even mention it to FH anymore. I let him do whatever he wants in regards to it. I can't be bothered with her anymore and its such a shame you know? Im not saying we are supposed to be best friends but we should at least have a decent relationship. dont you think?

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I do not have any relationship with my FMIL

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Posted by amarra121

So how does that work? If you can't tell im a massive people pleaser. Does that hurt or help your relationship with your FH? if you dont mind me asking.

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Here's how it works. You can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. You have to limit your contact with her, and communicate through FH....it *****, but when dealing with a difficult woman, who happens to be Fh's mother, this is the ONLY way I've kept my sanity!!! Good luck, and FM me anytime!!! WOmen like that, you will never win!

maybe you could tell FH how it makes you feel when she act like that...

then, maybe, privately he can talk to her about it so she will stop

I know where you are coming from. My mother is the same way, and its b.c she didn't have a wedding, she eloped. So she wants her dream wedding to my own, which is sweet but intruding nontheless, esp. when she gets upset that we are not using her ideas. You are going to need to step back from this one and evaluate:
1) Is he his mothers first born,or last son? Was she extremely close to him? She could be pulling the standard 'I want whats best for my son' routine in which you guys will be watched like a hawk the whole way through. Its only b.c she loves him.
2) Did She have a wedding? Sometimes, like in my situation, this can be the issue.
3) Are you letting her help? This could be another thing. If anything, give her small task to do so that way she can feel important. This might get her off your backs for awhile.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable. Be strong. Take her aside, and sit her down and simply ask her why the Drama. Say this is a joyous moment for us and we want you to be apart of it. After you do that, and she's still at it, your FH needs to step in, leave you out it, and tell his mom to stop it. Than you officially have a mom-zilla on your hands and my only other suggestion is make sure you have drinking early on the wedding day >:)

Remember you are marrying him. She is your MIL. She will be apart of your life. Show her you can hold your own, and she will respect you for it. Let me know if this helps :)

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Posted by StaceYums81

I would say don't let her attitude bother you. Clearly you have the support of FH since he got mad at her. I'd shrug it off as she's a miserable person - that's all...

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Couldnt have said it better myself...

Every bride has FMIL issues, its a common thing so at least know your not alone in it. Its sad to say, but just limit your contact with her and limit your conversations, it seems weird at first but after a while it becomes normal. Becuase if you keep in full contact with her, it might come to the point where you wont be able to hold your tounge anymore and you might flip on her...

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Posted by Mrs Z To Be

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Posted by amarra121

So how does that work? If you can't tell im a massive people pleaser. Does that hurt or help your relationship with your FH? if you dont mind me asking.

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Here's how it works. You can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. You have to limit your contact with her, and communicate through FH....it *****, but when dealing with a difficult woman, who happens to be Fh's mother, this is the ONLY way I've kept my sanity!!! Good luck, and FM me anytime!!! WOmen like that, you will never win!

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ita...my fmil is the same way...makes snotty comments about everything we are doing for the wedding....and i mean its not just the wedding...she makes comments about everything all the time. she just needs to be heard and she has to be right all the time. I always get upset, but FH keeps telling me that i just need to learn to deal with her bc shes not gonna change...i just need to learn to let it roll of my back and not take eveyrthing she says so personally.

That's pretty much my situation with my mother.

Not so much that we are wasting $ cuz she wants me to have all the nice stuff.. it's more about her being hurt that i'm not taking her opinions and running with them.
I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with her so i dont know how much help i can be.

All i can say is be strong and stand your ground. Let FH worry about getting the addresses from her if things are bad.

My FMIL suggested we have our reception upstairs at some restaurant right in town, my aunt suggested having it at a VFW or Knights OC.
Everyone is going to have an opinion on what they want for your wedding.

Remember.. this is YOUR wedding.

IMO i'd avoid actually saying that. I mentioned it to my mom and she flipped out.

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Posted by MrsC2010

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Posted by Mrs Z To Be

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Posted by amarra121

So how does that work? If you can't tell im a massive people pleaser. Does that hurt or help your relationship with your FH? if you dont mind me asking.

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Here's how it works. You can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. You have to limit your contact with her, and communicate through FH....it *****, but when dealing with a difficult woman, who happens to be Fh's mother, this is the ONLY way I've kept my sanity!!! Good luck, and FM me anytime!!! WOmen like that, you will never win!

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ita...my fmil is the same way...makes snotty comments about everything we are doing for the wedding....and i mean its not just the wedding...she makes comments about everything all the time. she just needs to be heard and she has to be right all the time. I always get upset, but FH keeps telling me that i just need to learn to deal with her bc shes not gonna change...i just need to learn to let it roll of my back and not take eveyrthing she says so personally.

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HA!! I think we have the same fmil!!! Has an opininon on EVERYTHING, and it's always given without being asked for it.....Ughhh....I hate telling her anything, because her feedback is always negative!!!!

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Posted by Mrs Z To Be

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Posted by MrsC2010

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Posted by Mrs Z To Be

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Posted by amarra121

So how does that work? If you can't tell im a massive people pleaser. Does that hurt or help your relationship with your FH? if you dont mind me asking.

---

Here's how it works. You can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. You have to limit your contact with her, and communicate through FH....it *****, but when dealing with a difficult woman, who happens to be Fh's mother, this is the ONLY way I've kept my sanity!!! Good luck, and FM me anytime!!! WOmen like that, you will never win!

---

ita...my fmil is the same way...makes snotty comments about everything we are doing for the wedding....and i mean its not just the wedding...she makes comments about everything all the time. she just needs to be heard and she has to be right all the time. I always get upset, but FH keeps telling me that i just need to learn to deal with her bc shes not gonna change...i just need to learn to let it roll of my back and not take eveyrthing she says so personally.

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HA!! I think we have the same fmil!!! Has an opininon on EVERYTHING, and it's always given without being asked for it.....Ughhh....I hate telling her anything, because her feedback is always negative!!!!

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yup exactly...and when fh tells me i have to ignore her...i feel like why should i have to ignore her comments...why can't she learn not to make them in the first place! but i guess i can't control what she does...only how i deal with her!