Family drama

LandJ Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:01 PM

Family drama

I wish this wasn't my first post, but I have to ask... My parents have been separated for a few years and, although I appreciate everything they have done for me, they have made some of the wedding planning extremely difficult. Any suggestions on how to keep the peace for my wedding day? I ultimately want to keep them both happy and ensure that they have a good time. My mother requested that she and my father sit at separate tables during the reception which I am fine with. Any other ideas?

nferrandi Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:06 PM

Re: Family drama

First off, I'm sorry you have this added stress. Planning a wedding is tough enough without having to be a mediator. Just do your best to keep them separated throughout the day. For invitations, maybe you could put you and your FH's name and 'along with their parents' to avoid any drama.

lauren16 Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:08 PM

Re: Family drama

I'm sorry your parents are being so difficult. Sometimes it becomes a battle for control in these situations. If I were you I would talk to each of them, letting them know you want them to be as comfortable as possible, etc etc...and that it's very important to you. You also should say that you will take their desires into account, and/but ultimately YOU will make decisions that you think are best to accomodate everyone. Remind them that this is difficult for you and maybe they'll try to make it a little easier. Sometimes parents forget that this isn't all about them. It might be helpful to remind them in a very nice way that you are being considerate of their feelings, but are the one making the decisions.

I tried this with my parents recently and I finally got a 'whatever you want to do' reply for the FIRST time!!! I'm hoping this continues...cross your fingers:) Good luck!

nov04LIbride Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:09 PM

Re: Family drama

I think your parents really both need to decide to be civil to one another. My parents hadn't spoken since my college graduation five years ago, so it was hard on them both, but they both said it was my day. Of course they sat at different tables with their own sides of the family, but they were civil. The rehearsal dinner was actually more difficult because it was smaller and they were seated closer. Also, the band asked everyone to join DH and I in our first dance and insisted the parents get there. My mother told me after she was livid that she felt forced to dance with my dad. Make sure the band or DJ knows the situation!

LandJ Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:11 PM

Re: Family drama

Thank you so much. I actually did make sure my invitations were worded a certain way, which worked out fine. Now they are arguing about who to invite,who not to invite, who they like, don't like. etc. It is getting out of hand and I am trying to not get caught in the middle.

LandJ Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:16 PM

Re: Family drama

OMG - I didn't even think about the band asking them to dance! Thanks - I'll have to remember to tell them that. My parents danced at my brother's wedding a few years ago and it was painful to watch. I definitely don't want a repercussion of that situation!

06NovBride Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:52 PM

Re: Family drama

my parents are divorced and although they can be amicable I am letting the DJ know the situation so no uncomfortable positions come up like them asking the parents to dance. Just let your parents know that it is about you on your wedding and they need to respect each other and you and not cause any trouble. I am def seating my parents at different tables.

ssbride05 Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:56 PM

Re: Family drama

I am sorry as well I think doing your best to keep the peace is a lot of work.. but in the end it will all work out and I am sure your parents want the best for you on your wedding day!!

dpli Posted: Mar 28, 2005 03:59 PM

Re: Family drama

My cousin's wife went through this and it became difficult for everyone. Can you just give them each a certain number of invitations and just tell them that is all they can invite?

LandJ Posted: Mar 28, 2005 06:25 PM

Re: Family drama

Thanks for the information everyone. You have all been incredibly supportive! I wish I had used the message board as a resource earlier on. I never knew how helpful it could be. I plan on talking to my parents some more about this. I'm waiting for things to cool down a bit though because I have other things I need to focus on. But it's good to know I'm not alone in this ordeal. It sounds like you have all resolved your own situations in a very diplomatic way. I will definitely use your suggestions.

Tjay Posted: Mar 28, 2005 09:55 PM

Re: Family drama

I know exactly how you feel. How about this one...my mom is dating a man that everyone hates for 16 years on and off, my dad is with the woman he cheated on my mom with 20 years ago. My mom and dad have not seen or spoke in 10 years. My brother does not speak to my mom and my dad just appeared in my brother's and my life 2 months ago. This happy situation is all happening during my engagement and the first time everyone will be together will be at my rehersal and dinner. I have to laugh and take it with a light heart or I will go nuts!!! Oh, my fmil and my mom do not get along However, YAHOOOOOOO.....I am getting married!!!!