Family Fued...I don't know what to do! HUGE RANT!

Ok this has the potential to ruin my wedding and I don' t know how to handle it....

Here's a quick run down....

My parents are divorced for nearly 11 years, they don't speak but are able to be cordial to each other and have all ready proven to me that they can be civil when it counts (my daughters' birthdays, communions, ect.) so I'm not worried about them...but my brother is a whole other story.

He has spoken to my mother since they've been divorced, for reasons he can't remember. He has been married and divorced already and has a habit of choosing nasty girls to date. His ex-wife didn't like me so my bro, who I was very close with, didn't talk to me for the year and a half they were married and even allowed her no to invite my girls to their wedding and of couse I wasn't involved in it either. (My bro is their godfather!)
They get divorced and me and bro are close as can be, then he meets this new girl...well she is all about drama drama drama! She came to my girls' communion w/o my bro and cried to my whole family about everything in her life, literally cried for hours...made the whole day about her, not my girls. Then on Xmas, here's the kicker, she fought with my bro and left him alone on xmas and came to my house where I had my entire family. She brought her son, ignored him completely, and again cried to my family, this time about my brother and his nastiness and crap. Again another special occassion ruined. My bro was flipping out that she was with my mother and I on xmas and not him and I was mad that she was here because she didn't belong here...Finally after hours of all this, I told her she had to leave, my xmas was all ready ruined, my in-laws were uncomfortable, the rest of my family had enough, and it was becoming ridiculious!

ANY HOW... I talked to my bro the next day and he was calm and resonable, and then she must've found out he was on the phone with me and told him that I was every name in the book and lied to him about crap I never said....so he again chose her over me and I haven't spoken to him in 7 months!

Oh and they live with my father so everytime I see HER she gives me dirty looks like shes 12.

FH says I should invite bro to wedding but w/o her, but I say I shoudn't invite him at all b/c he hates my whole family except for his father and I can't trust him to stay sober and not ruin everything by fighting with my mother, aunts, and uncles....AND THERE IS NO WAY his girlfriend is coming to my wedding! She will not ruin another day of my life!

What do i do about my bro?? Cut my loses on this one??


Thanks so much for letting me get this out!

If you are not close with your brother, then don't invite him. Ask you mother if she agrees. How would your father feel ? Can he intervene on your behalf and tell your brother how to act properly for your wedding ?

If you do invite your brother, it would be difficult to specify that the does not bring this current girlfriend.
Think this one thu very carefully.

Wow, this is a tricky one. I guess the best advice anyone can give you is to do a lot of soul searching and think about how you will feel with your brother not being there versus his gf being there… I think it’s really hard to invite him without the gf, since it sounds like she might just show up anyway to make it about her. Or maybe if you do just invite him, she’ll get so pissed she won’t let him go?

Either way, this is a sticky situation and I’m sending hugs your way!

This is a hard one!! but I would say this is your day and since he chose her over you then you can say to yourself that he made the decision ... so now you dont have to invite him to your wedding this is your special day and like you said you dont want anyone to ruin it ... or even bring negativity your way on your day!!! Sorry but Do Not Invite Him!!

I posted something similar to this when I was wedding planning. I wasn't sure whether to invite my sister for VERY similar reasons. People posted 'Do not invite her.' I was like 'well, I can't not invite my SISTER to my wedding! She's my SISTER!'

I should have listened to people. If you think people are going to pull it together just b/c it's your wedding, I am here to tell you that they will not. I learned this the hard way. My parents tried to intervene & tell my sister to 'behave' and it only made matters worse. It fueled her. If your gut tells you someone is going to ruin your wedding, go with your gut.

I wish I hadn't invited my sister. All my fears came true on my wedding day. She showed up high, made a scene, made EVERYTHING about her and when she wasn't getting enough attention, she left my wedding. All day I heard from people 'where's Beth????' My family is still talking about Beth instead of my beautiful wedding.

Don't tell your family that you are not inviting your brother b/c they will get all involved & try to guilt you into it, etc.. This is YOUR DAY. Remove any and all threats.

FM me if you need to talk.

I don't think I'd invite him, it's a tough decision to make, but it doesn't sound like he can be trusted to be rational, I wonder if he would even abide by your wishes and leave his GF home. I wouldn't want to give him or his GF the opportunity ruin another important family event.

Sorry you are dealing with this

Thanks ladies....

I am also worried if he isn't invited that he'll get drunk and show up (has a tendency to drink too much and cause a scene) and threaten people....

He's threatened my family before after too much to drink and the worse part was I thought he was really going to show up and had my girls hiding in their room...They still can't understand why their uncle is nuts!

Its just so hard! I love my brother and when hes not with these crazy women he chooses, hes awesome, but hes also 33 years old and hasn't grown up much yet. He blames everyone else for his **** and I have no patience for those excuses.

How do I warn the RH about him without sounding like a piece of whitetrash??

I can't invite him, I know I can't, it would ruin my day I know he'll be out of control fighting my family. My father, who he lives with, is on my side and understands and so does everyone else.

Just the FH who put second thoughts into my head!

I hate this!

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Posted by carolinebr

I posted something similar to this when I was wedding planning. I wasn't sure whether to invite my sister for VERY similar reasons. People posted 'Do not invite her.' I was like 'well, I can't not invite my SISTER to my wedding! She's my SISTER!'

I should have listened to people. If you think people are going to pull it together just b/c it's your wedding, I am here to tell you that they will not. I learned this the hard way. My parents tried to intervene & tell my sister to 'behave' and it only made matters worse. It fueled her. If your gut tells you someone is going to ruin your wedding, go with your gut.

I wish I hadn't invited my sister. All my fears came true on my wedding day. She showed up high, made a scene, made EVERYTHING about her and when she wasn't getting enough attention, she left my wedding. All day I heard from people 'where's Beth????' My family is still talking about Beth instead of my beautiful wedding.

Don't tell your family that you are not inviting your brother b/c they will get all involved & try to guilt you into it, etc.. This is YOUR DAY. Remove any and all threats.

FM me if you need to talk.

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I read your update story & what she did at your wedding and I am so sorry! You are right, I need to follow my gut! I just hope he doesn't show up anyway!

i hope it all works out for you. But if you don't invite your brother (which IMO i wouldnt blame you at all, I too have relatives like this) maybe ask an uncle or family member for friend or two who could kind of keep an eye out for you and difuse any bad situation. You should also let your RH know so they can help too and i'm sure they have heard this before and its definitley not a 'white trash' request. They won't want any problems either. HTH

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Posted by Irishny8

i hope it all works out for you. But if you don't invite your brother (which IMO i wouldnt blame you at all, I too have relatives like this) maybe ask an uncle or family member for friend or two who could kind of keep an eye out for you and difuse any bad situation. You should also let your RH know so they can help too and i'm sure they have heard this before and its definitley not a 'white trash' request. They won't want any problems either. HTH

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Thanks for the advice, I wouldn't want to put an uncle or other fam member in that situation since he hates all of them too...lol! But I do have some BIG friends that can help!! Thanks!

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Posted by misbran

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Posted by Irishny8

i hope it all works out for you. But if you don't invite your brother (which IMO i wouldnt blame you at all, I too have relatives like this) maybe ask an uncle or family member for friend or two who could kind of keep an eye out for you and difuse any bad situation. You should also let your RH know so they can help too and i'm sure they have heard this before and its definitley not a 'white trash' request. They won't want any problems either. HTH

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Thanks for the advice, I wouldn't want to put an uncle or other fam member in that situation since he hates all of them too...lol! But I do have some BIG friends that can help!! Thanks!

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BIG friends are always good! and i'm sure they would want to help so your day isnt ruined. Good luck

this is a tricky situation but unfortunately i am familiar with this situation (I am not talking to my biological mom and stepdad (who are alcoholics) & my druggy brother who my mom & stepdad adore + my other brother who i used to be close with ~ who actually introduced FH & I ~ they all live in the house together = biological mom + stepdad and two 1/2 brothers) i am not inviting biological mom and stepdad and the druggy brother i did invite my other brother (fh really wants him there and he is hand delivering his invitation to him so biological mom does not intercept the mail)

Anyhow ~ I would go with your Gutt instinct or compromise with FH ~ FH is hand delivering my one brothers invitation and i told him any consequences that come out of the invitation he is charge of...personally I dont think he is going to show up...

Good Luck & FM if you want to chat or need anything!

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Posted by KitWisdom

Wow, this is a tricky one. I guess the best advice anyone can give you is to do a lot of soul searching and think about how you will feel with your brother not being there versus his gf being there… I think it’s really hard to invite him without the gf, since it sounds like she might just show up anyway to make it about her. Or maybe if you do just invite him, she’ll get so pissed she won’t let him go?

Either way, this is a sticky situation and I’m sending hugs your way!

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i totally agree...soul searching is key here..... i had a very similar situation with my own father coming to my wedding - especially because him & my brother were at each others throats because of my fathers past & current actions & lifestyle....i even had to have a backup plan in case my dad didn't make it to walk me down the aisle!! I lucked out because they DID pull it together for my wedding day and now i'm glad i invited him....but like i said, i lucked out. this really is tough because if you're saying you have times when you're close with your brother, and you love him, you dont want to regret not inviting him down the road... or be missing your big brother & feel a little down on your big day that he's not there. do a big time soul search without thinking about his petty girlfriend(who no one will give a crap about!), (maybe even have a heart to heart with your brother about this whole thing???) and if u still come up with no other option, then dont invite him. good luck with your situation! sending hugs

omg what a difficult situation I really don't know what I'd do in your situation... on one hand your brother has ditched your family by competely cutting contacts when his girlfriends/wives ask and doesn't deserve to be invited (especially since you think he'll make a scene)...but on the other hand I'd hate for you to have any regrets about not inviting him since you say you were really close when he wasn't with these crazy women... like maybe when he loses this girflfriend and grows up a bit you guys will become close again and it might be hard not having the memory of him at your wedding, kwim?

I think the key words here are 'I can't trust him to stay sober' - if he drinks a little too much then there's no telling what he could do.

It's hurtful but maybe he shouldn't be invited. If I were you I would call him and see if he answers your calls or returns them. Then if you speak to him explain what you just told us, see what he says. I would gage his responsiveness to your concerns and base my invite on that.

Totally not the same thing but I have a friend who used to be like a brother to me and we don't speak anymore because of his GF. I invited them both to my wedding to be the bigger person, and to my surprise they both came. Then they ignored me the whole wedding and just enjoyed their time with our mutual friends. It's also been nrought to my attention that she was talking sh*t about me AT MY WEDDING! to some of those friends, and now I regret trying to be the bigger person.

Again, not the same, but just an idea that you can't necessarily expect people to pull it together on your wedding day. Especially, I would guess, someone with a history of ruining holidays.

IMHO