Family Issues?

Hey everyone!

I wanted to know if anyone has issues with their family and this whole process.

ie: is anyone's family and parents refusing to give them a list of people they want to invite? or just not providing names and numbers of their friends and family who they want to invite?

Does anyone else wish they could fast foward to their honeymoon?

Yes I feel you Nina big time!!

My parents just don't want to talk about it-- like it's this thing they want to keep swept under the rug. They told me they are going to give me money for the wedding but they never tell me when, how (in terms of payments or a lump sum) and they never say HOW much money. I try to talk to them about it and they brush me off. I try to ask them about it and they say they are not sure yet and that we need to just focus on Jenn right now (my sister, before everything with her wedding happened it was 'oh just wait until after Jenn's wedding' and then now after everything happened it's 'don't bring yours up, it's too upsetting to think about' so it's been VERY frustrating for Vinny and I.

We are thinking about just paying their part ourselves which I don't know how we are going to do. But where does it end? Let's not have a Bridal Shower because that will be acknowledging the fact that I'm getting married? It's so silly. I try to talk to them about the guest list and they say 'oh it's so far away, don't be silly, we'll talk about it later, there are more important things right now like everything with jenn' but at the time i was asking (it's about a year from my wedding) and i just want to make sure that the guarantee we made at flowerfield is reasonable... same thing with the money-- i just wanted to know how much so that i could figure how much i needed to save. But they just don't care.

At this point, I have not spoken to my Mom in over a week b/c all she does is make me feel guilty that I'm getting married and now my sister is not.

It's so sad that this is what has come from this terrible and very sad situation. Sorry to start venting on your thread but when I read what you wrote it really made me think of what's going on with me right now. I don't even know what kind of advice to give you-- just keep on them and keep asking them and remind them how important it is for you to have a guest list and know how many people are coming b/c people =money.

For me, I have no idea what to do!

My Dad said he was going to help us pay for our wedding and then said he never offered.

Oh hunny, EVERYONE has issues with family during [what should be] this HAPPY time... I'm not having issues with them giving us a list, but trust me, we had issues with our E-party alone! And that was just a party! The wedding is a whooooole other ballpark, I'm sure theres ALOT of issues to arise..

Try to stay calm, eventually this WILL be over and all you'll have is memories. Try to make the best of today

I kind of feel the same as STBMrsDaniRella. We have some family stuff going on - not the same situation as yours - but basically I'm made to feel guilty any time the wedding comes up. And I know there are more important things, so I try not to bring it up most of the time and only really ask questions when I need to, but certain things need to get booked or arranged, and I can't do that without my family's input. I get a lot of the 'it's over a year away' comments too, but they don't get that things book up quicker on LI, and certain things need to be in place earlier because 150 of my 200 guests are OOT.

My other issue is that my mother is being really cool about everything from the guest list to the way the wedding will run, but FMIL is inviting all these 'social' contacts - which drives me crazy! I don't care if you were invited to their 2nd cousins wedding 20 years ago - if you're not close to them, why are they being invited? And she recently bought an etiquette book which is nice, but I kind of like to run things my way, not by some outdated pre-established rules. And that's fine for people who like to do things traditionally, but that's not me! I feel bad about feeling this way about FMIL, which makes it even worse, because she is so sweet and trying to be helpful, I'm just worried that she's being guided by her 'high-society' friends. GRRR!

Nina, what are your issues? Everything ok?

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

Yes I feel you Nina big time!!

My parents just don't want to talk about it-- like it's this thing they want to keep swept under the rug. They told me they are going to give me money for the wedding but they never tell me when, how (in terms of payments or a lump sum) and they never say HOW much money. I try to talk to them about it and they brush me off. I try to ask them about it and they say they are not sure yet and that we need to just focus on Jenn right now (my sister, before everything with her wedding happened it was 'oh just wait until after Jenn's wedding' and then now after everything happened it's 'don't bring yours up, it's too upsetting to think about' so it's been VERY frustrating for Vinny and I.

We are thinking about just paying their part ourselves which I don't know how we are going to do. But where does it end? Let's not have a Bridal Shower because that will be acknowledging the fact that I'm getting married? It's so silly. I try to talk to them about the guest list and they say 'oh it's so far away, don't be silly, we'll talk about it later, there are more important things right now like everything with jenn' but at the time i was asking (it's about a year from my wedding) and i just want to make sure that the guarantee we made at flowerfield is reasonable... same thing with the money-- i just wanted to know how much so that i could figure how much i needed to save. But they just don't care.

At this point, I have not spoken to my Mom in over a week b/c all she does is make me feel guilty that I'm getting married and now my sister is not.

It's so sad that this is what has come from this terrible and very sad situation. Sorry to start venting on your thread but when I read what you wrote it really made me think of what's going on with me right now. I don't even know what kind of advice to give you-- just keep on them and keep asking them and remind them how important it is for you to have a guest list and know how many people are coming b/c people =money.

For me, I have no idea what to do!

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Aww Dani, I am sorry ! It's horrible!

Although I do not know what you are going through with your Sister and everything (that was an experience that NO family should have to deal with), my family keeps sweeping things under the rug too and not giving me little things when I ask. My wedding is now 8 months away and simple little things can't even be given to me, in addition to all the stress of the wedding! and then things are said to me that are so hurtful....

I am sorry that they aren't letting you enjoy your wedding and happy that one daughter at least is happy right now!

Yes! If I have to hear one more time that it's a year away and too soon to do anything I'm going to scream

Thanks Nina and EGreene-- I feel you and it's nice to know that at least someone else is dealing with this and I'm not the only one with a nutso family hahaha... I mean, a lot of times I tell myself that if I don't laugh about it-- I'll cry. but at the end of the day: it's very hurtful and it has completely taken the wind out of my sails. I don't even feel like booking things anymore-- and I used to get so excited and be so happy about it and now I'm like who gives a $hit?

It's hard and you wonder why they are not happy for you and it makes you start to feel like you are wrong for being happy-- and that you are selfish for feeling good at times.

I've just been doing a lot of things on my own but how can I get my mom's dress, BM's dresses (when jenn is my MOH) and all that stuff on my own?? Recently, I was so upset I turned to my FMIL and FSIL for help and they said that it might get to the point where I'll be on my own-- and they tried to make me feel better by saying that they'll be there to fluff my veil and make sure I look perfect but I can't even picture that and although they are so nice for saying that and they are being good to me-- it's not the same as my mom and sister, you know? it's just not the same and it makes me sick to think about it.

i hate to bring this to the boards but it's been something i've been walking around with for weeks and randomly crying about for weeks so it gets to a point where i don't know what else to do and i have to let it out.

I know it's not entirely the same situation but I'm dealing with something similiar.

My sister is also getting married before me and anytime I bring up something in regards to my wedding the automated response from my mother is 'well you'll just have to wait until your sister decides what she wants and they you can pick what you want. She's getting married first'

Basically saying I get to pick the stuff that is leftover after she decides what she wants.

Luckily me and my sister have different tastes and and understanding between each other that our weddings are not competitions and she doesn't get offended by me talking about things I'd like to have at my wedding, so that works out fine but my mother just makes me want to

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Posted by ksl268

Yes! If I have to hear one more time that it's a year away and too soon to do anything I'm going to scream

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I'm with ya!!!

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Posted by NinaChris07

Yes, its the lack of understanding that my wedding is soon (I am not a crazy person when it comes to these things, I just start work on Monday and know I won't have a lot of time, and also I know the way things work and 8 months really isn't that much time), the lack of understanding that things are way more expensive than they were when our parents got married, and the lack of response when I ask for a list of people they are inviting (because I have no idea how many people we are inviting - which translates into tables, flowers, etc etc)

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It's tough. I try and look at it from the outside, and remember my reaction when my family and friends planned their weddings in the past. I just didn't understand a lot of what they were going through, so I try to chalk it up to that. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I am being selfish, as I probably am. There are other things going on, and all these peoples have their own things that they're dealing with. Plus, when my parents got married it was $6 per person. My dad still doesn't get why I need to block hotel rooms for guests - he says he's always had to fend for himself! It's just a different generation, and LI is a whole different universe of its own.

I'm sure they'll come around, or it'll work itself out one way or another. All these things seem to fall into place anyway.

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by ksl268

Yes! If I have to hear one more time that it's a year away and too soon to do anything I'm going to scream

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I'm with ya!!!

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same here!

and now its EIGHT MONTHS!!

thats soon right?!

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Posted by irishsweetheart

I know it's not entirely the same situation but I'm dealing with something similiar.

My sister is also getting married before me and anytime I bring up something in regards to my wedding the automated response from my mother is 'well you'll just have to wait until your sister decides what she wants and they you can pick what you want. She's getting married first'

Basically saying I get to pick the stuff that is leftover after she decides what she wants.

Luckily me and my sister have different tastes and and understanding between each other that our weddings are not competitions and she doesn't get offended by me talking about things I'd like to have at my wedding, so that works out fine but my mother just makes me want to

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OMG I was in the same situation as you-- Holy Cow, I'm praying for you!! That is REALLY tuff and you would think it would be such a nice things-- sisters getting married almost together but sometimes it can be a nightmare

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Posted by NinaChris07

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by ksl268

Yes! If I have to hear one more time that it's a year away and too soon to do anything I'm going to scream

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I'm with ya!!!

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same here!

and now its EIGHT MONTHS!!

thats soon right?!

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YES IT IS!!! and WHY not get this done and out of the way so you don't turn into regina at oheka the morning of her wedding doing the seating arrangements!!!!!!!

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by NinaChris07

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by ksl268

Yes! If I have to hear one more time that it's a year away and too soon to do anything I'm going to scream

---

I'm with ya!!!

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same here!

and now its EIGHT MONTHS!!

thats soon right?!

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YES IT IS!!! and WHY not get this done and out of the way so you don't turn into regina at oheka the morning of her wedding doing the seating arrangements!!!!!!!

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O I KNOW!!!!

she was making me go crazy! who waits that long!?

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Posted by NinaChris07

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella


YES IT IS!!! and WHY not get this done and out of the way so you don't turn into regina at oheka the morning of her wedding doing the seating arrangements!!!!!!!

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O I KNOW!!!!

she was making me go crazy! who waits that long!?

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I KNOW OMG LOL LMAO!