Where do I begin?! Well my dad is an @#$hole. We have had a ROUGH relationship for the greater part of my life. He seriously is a narcissistic sociopath. I don't think he is even capable of loving me and my siblings past the point of what he does now. He makes a lot of money and thinks sending child support made him father of the year, I disagree. $ does NOT equal love. I actually call him Rumpelstiltskin because in order for him to do something for you, you have to sign away your soul. There was a situation that he came through for me and I think he thinks that means he is also father of the year, again, I disagree. He has bashed my mother for years, trapped my FH into a conversation of lies and BS about my family, etc.
My stepfather who has been apart of my life for over 10 years is the best. We are SUPER close and he has been there for me through everything.Periods, breakups, hissy fits, you name it. We are like BFFS. I asked him and my dad to walk me down the aisle and my dad said no he wouldn't do it and made it into some BS sob story about this being a slap in the face. Hmm maybe you shouldn't have #@$# around on my mom and broke up our family.. Mind you he is remarried the same amount of time as my mom and has 4 NEW kids. He is super jealous of our relationship and jealous of my stepfather but you know what, not my fault!
I basically called him about a month ago to find out what is the deal, did you change your mind? are you walking me? and again he declined. I asked him if he was coming at all and he said he didn't even know. He wants me to kick my stepfather out and that is NOT HAPPENING. Following that, Fh & I said we are done with him. We had NO intentions of putting him on the invitation either and just were discussing it again. We are not sure what to do. We are inviting his family and him along with his extended family but are not sure what to do..
What would you do? Include him on the invite even though he isn't walking you, dancing with you and potentially won't even be coming? Or don't include him at all?
ladygoodman
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Father Drama- Need Advice
I wouldn't include him. Clearly he doesn't care about being a part of your life and this is a part of your life. I know its not an easy situation and not an easy decision but I think its the right decision.
Angie2014
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I'm sorry you are going through this.. I think it is very unfair of your father to ask/expect you to leave out your stepfather. I know he is family, but if it were up to me, I wouldn't invite someone causing me so much grief to the wedding. I would be worried that a person like that could potentially cause drama at the wedding, which would hurt me a lot more. Do you think you would be happy if your father was present to be a part of your wedding? Or would it not affect you at all? In the end, you need to do what's good for you.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
Posted by Angie2014
I'm sorry you are going through this.. I think it is very unfair of your father to ask/expect you to leave out your stepfather. I know he is family, but if it were up to me, I wouldn't invite someone causing me so much grief to the wedding. I would be worried that a person like that could potentially cause drama at the wedding, which would hurt me a lot more. Do you think you would be happy if your father was present to be a part of your wedding? Or would it not affect you at all? In the end, you need to do what's good for you.
Thank you. My heart, due to many years of BS, has become stone when it comes to him so I wouldn't care if he is there or isn't. I am a sucker for always doing the right thing and wanting to keep the peace but this was the last straw for me.
I wouldn't include him at all. Your relationship sounds similar to that of mine with my dad but on a MUCH worse scale. And for that... I'm sorry. But honestly... don't even bother.
Honestly... to me it sounds like he'd be the man to end up getting drunk and saying a whole bunch of $hit and ruining your day and its just not going to be worth it just to say 'I did the right thing'.
My father just told me 'I'm PROBABLY gonna be at your engagement party... but I can't guarantee it but I'm not sure.'
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
Posted by katielynn
I wouldn't include him at all. Your relationship sounds similar to that of mine with my dad but on a MUCH worse scale. And for that... I'm sorry. But honestly... don't even bother.
Honestly... to me it sounds like he'd be the man to end up getting drunk and saying a whole bunch of $hit and ruining your day and its just not going to be worth it just to say 'I did the right thing'.
My father just told me 'I'm PROBABLY gonna be at your engagement party... but I can't guarantee it but I'm not sure.'
That is how I feel because it is like why should you be honored on my invite when you aren't apart of my life at all? I guess I just don't want to be the bad guy but in turn he made the decision he made so I am just reacting to that decision. I also realize that as much as we have NO relationship, not including him on the invite is the declaration of that. Luckily, my stepfather is the most amazing man. I can count on him for anything and everything and never question is love for me.
Ughhh I am sorry you have a similar situation.
I think my decision being split is because he is such a crappy person but should I be stooping to his level by not adding him or be the better person that I am and just do it... oy.. FH thinks he doesn't deserve the honor of being on it and we shouldn't be putting him on just for the sake of it because he isn't a part of our lives
I'm so sorry you have such a crappy situation BUT at the same time, it's not too crappy because your stepfather has been like your biological father to you. You have to decide whether or not you might regret not inviting your dad to your wedding - if not now, then years from now. Or if inviting him will just cause anguish for you out of fear of him doing or saying something stupid to ruin your day or part of it, then don't invite him at all.
I honestly don't think you would be stooping to his level by not inviting him. You want to invite the people who are going to be happy for you and want to come. If he can't even pretend to do that, then your FH is right and he doesn't deserve the honor of an invite.
ladygoodman
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Father Drama- Need Advice
Your fh is right. Because its an honor not a right and it doesn't sound like he deseeves it.
If you want a compromise on the situation... don't put his name on the invite... but do invite him to the wedding. Just have him as a guest. Don't distinguish him as FOB or anything. Just have him as a guest and treat him as such. If he wants to come. great. If not... then thats his loss.
<3
Simonenarissa
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Father Drama- Need Advice
I def wouldn't put him on it. Especially since he doesn't feel like going bc he's being immature about things
Angie2014
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Father Drama- Need Advice
You would not be stooping down to his level, since he doesn't seem to be at the wedding anyway. Just make sure you don't regret any decision you make.
P.S: Your stepfather seems awesome, you're so lucky to have him in your life!
NIKOLE
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Do we have the same father!?
My only question is why did you even attempt to include him? For tradition? sometimes it ain't worth it!
Soon2BeMrsMango
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
Posted by katielynn
If you want a compromise on the situation... don't put his name on the invite... but do invite him to the wedding. Just have him as a guest. Don't distinguish him as FOB or anything. Just have him as a guest and treat him as such. If he wants to come. great. If not... then thats his loss.
<3
this is what i am thinking.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Either way I would invite him. The only reason why I'm considering adding him was because I am inviting some of his family/friends and I was considering how that would make him feel (embarrassed) to not be on there but again that is me considering HIS feelings when he never considers mine. FH and I had chosen not to put him on there but as time passes his manipulative ways forces me into feeling guilty ughhhh. We have no relationships, it's been months I haven't heard from him. I don't think just because we are related means he should be on there. He made his decision to not be involved so I think traditionally speaking contributing parties and participating parties on the invite not just biological.
Original plan was not add him, invite him & if he doesn't come that will be the last invitation I ever send him.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
Posted by NIKOLE
Do we have the same father!?
My only question is why did you even attempt to include him? For tradition? sometimes it ain't worth it!
You have a narcissist too?! Small world lol
Soon2BeMrsPy
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I appreciate all the advice ladies!
brnnglgn
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CRASHING!!!! I have a very similar deal with my father. My father had left me when I was a kid and we didn't hear from him for almost a year. He would send just the bare minimal amount of child support possible. He would bash my mom and tell lies about her to myself and my brother. He would trash talk her to his family. I also have another big reason why I do not like my father but that is another story for another day.
I really don't want him walking me down the isle or do anything that would make it like we have this great father daughter all loveable situation because it is such a lie. The FH says I can do what ever make me feel comfortable as because he doesn't want to a mother/son dance since he is not on good terms with his mom..
I think that I might do one of the two to atleast give him some sense of feeling included.
winnie52376
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Father Drama- Need Advice
I have father issues as well, and I am not even sure if he will come to the wedding (now I have to worry about who will walk me down the aisle, if anyone) But I do intend to be the bigger person and invite him. But he is not contributing to the wedding at all, so there is def NO need for me to put his name on the invitation.
msmrstrulyblessed
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
I am sorry you are going through this. I think whatever you decide for your wedding will set the tone for your relationship with your father going forward. If you're comfortable with loving him from a distance then I wouldn't put him on the invitation. I don't think you're stooping to his level but rather setting healthy boundaries for yourself and your FH. People always say you should surround yourself with people that are positive and uplifting and love others from a distance.
StephanieXO
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I am so sorry you have to deal with this!! I know someone in a similar situation and their invites just said 'you are cordially invited to ___ and ___'s wedding,' no mention of parents, especially if he is not contributing! Also you can always have another close relative like if you have a grandfather who you are close to walk you down the aisle.
