Where do I begin?! Well my dad is an @#$hole. We have had a ROUGH relationship for the greater part of my life. He seriously is a narcissistic sociopath. I don't think he is even capable of loving me and my siblings past the point of what he does now. He makes a lot of money and thinks sending child support made him father of the year, I disagree. $ does NOT equal love. I actually call him Rumpelstiltskin because in order for him to do something for you, you have to sign away your soul. There was a situation that he came through for me and I think he thinks that means he is also father of the year, again, I disagree. He has bashed my mother for years, trapped my FH into a conversation of lies and BS about my family, etc.
My stepfather who has been apart of my life for over 10 years is the best. We are SUPER close and he has been there for me through everything.Periods, breakups, hissy fits, you name it. We are like BFFS. I asked him and my dad to walk me down the aisle and my dad said no he wouldn't do it and made it into some BS sob story about this being a slap in the face. Hmm maybe you shouldn't have #@$# around on my mom and broke up our family.. Mind you he is remarried the same amount of time as my mom and has 4 NEW kids. He is super jealous of our relationship and jealous of my stepfather but you know what, not my fault!
I basically called him about a month ago to find out what is the deal, did you change your mind? are you walking me? and again he declined. I asked him if he was coming at all and he said he didn't even know. He wants me to kick my stepfather out and that is NOT HAPPENING. Following that, Fh & I said we are done with him. We had NO intentions of putting him on the invitation either and just were discussing it again. We are not sure what to do. We are inviting his family and him along with his extended family but are not sure what to do..
What would you do? Include him on the invite even though he isn't walking you, dancing with you and potentially won't even be coming? Or don't include him at all?
Alyssa M
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Father Drama- Need Advice
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have a little father dram going on myself right now. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't include him on the invitation.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Thanks ladies! I really appreciate all of your input. You are all right. Mine and FH's initial reaction was to keep him off because he isn't a part of our lives anymore, contributing and may not show up. I guess I was worried about 'doing something wrong' as I always am but then again he never considers my feelings at all so I should go with what makes me happy. They say whatever/whomever doesn't bring you happiness or positivity to your life, there is no reason for them to be in your life at all. I couldn't agree more. I think I am also nervous that not including him is a blatant statement of ' We're done' and although I feel that way, it has not been vocalized. I also have to see him at events my sister has which is going to be awkward. How do I then approach seeing him when he comes to those events?
Alyssa M
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I think the best way to approach it is to be cordial to him when you see him so he cant use anything against you. Unfortunately, it might be easiest to just treat it like a business relationship at this point. Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Re: Father Drama- Need Advice
Posted by Alyssa M
I think the best way to approach it is to be cordial to him when you see him so he cant use anything against you. Unfortunately, it might be easiest to just treat it like a business relationship at this point. Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Thanks! I appreciate it but honestly, it has NO effect on me anymore.
sgf2
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I don't have much more to say than the other girls have said already, but I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this for such a long time. It seems to me that I don't need to tell you how lucky you are to have such a wonderful stepfather. Many men wouldn't step up into a role model role for a child who isn't biologically theirs.
I hope you come to a decision that is comfortable for you. Don't make a decision based on what you think your father wants, or what the right thing to do toward him is, because it seems to me that he's not taken what's best for you into account for a long time.
I hope everything works out in a way you're happy with!
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Thank you!
RoandJoe
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Everyone gave great advice. I'm a bit late to this post, but I completely agree with everyone. This is a really important day--if he doesn't want to be part of it then don't include him at ALL as long as you are okay with that. I always had terrible issues with my dad too and always contemplated how I would fit him into my wedding. I was convinced my mom was walking me down the aisle and I was not going to dance with him. Somewhere along the line we grew together and I couldn't imagine not having him as part of my big day. Luckily for you, you have an amazing stepfather and I know you're really greatful for that :)
Valentinesday2014
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Look at how much this is stressing you out! This is YOUR day... not his! If he doesnt like the way things are being done.. oh well! HE will regret this one day. It will all be good.. dont worry!
Brunettelizzie29
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I wouldn't include him at all either. He clearly isn't willing to meet you half way by accepting to walk you down the aisle with your step dad, then why should you include him?! I have a similar situation with my FMIL..so I understand your frustration. I hope your dad doesn't continue to try and make your life impossible..when this should be one of the best times of your life!
Soon2BeMrsPy
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Thank you all for the support ladies! It is great to hear all of your viewpoints on it, it helps me put it into perspective especially since you guys are all only getting a paragraph of the situation vs 26 years of BS, yet feel the same way I do.
Jonsgirl024
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Hugs! Sorry he is being like that! Hard discussion. I would but it is your choice
MsErikaLynn
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Father Drama- Need Advice | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
I just searched 61 pages for this post! I'm going through serious father drama now. his family totally believes all his BS he says. and while my mom is no angel I just can't keep hearing about the kind of person she is from him. it's ALL he talks about for the past 15 years they have been divorced. he never saw my brother and I because it was 'too hard for him' and now he thinks he can just walk into our lives and we should be opening presents on xmas morning there. I can't deal with it. our conversation just ended with 'Erika I really think you need counseling' I just hung up. I think I had a small stroke because he stresses me out so much. sorry I just ranted on your vent. I always just want to cut out my dad but his mother (who is now diagnosed with stage 4 gastric cancer) her dying wish is to see us get along. which can never happen. so once again I'm the bad guy. he's mad that I can't go down to FL to see her at the same time as him. mind you, I'm leaving for south america in 5 days and will be gone 2 weeks. nothing is acceptable to him. last time he saw my FH and I he told FH 'I know Erika's mom is not gonna have her marriage last, we'll get to give it another go I just know it' ummmm they divorced 16 years ago and their families could never be in the same room again because of everything that's happened. just shows how out there he is and I hate that my relationship with his family is strained because of it. I swear if I had health insurance I'd go see a therapist just to have someone to talk to!
Angie2014
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Sorry to hear about this Erika! Your father seems to love creating drama on purpose. After what you've described, I can see why you could not get along with him. Stay strong, and don't let him get to you.
Percz2418
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Posted by sgf2
I don't have much more to say than the other girls have said already, but I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this for such a long time. It seems to me that I don't need to tell you how lucky you are to have such a wonderful stepfather. Many men wouldn't step up into a role model role for a child who isn't biologically theirs.
I hope you come to a decision that is comfortable for you. Don't make a decision based on what you think your father wants, or what the right thing to do toward him is, because it seems to me that he's not taken what's best for you into account for a long time.
I hope everything works out in a way you're happy with!
Also put it in perspective...at what point do you need to realize that you are doing so much work to make the relationship work. The more you feel you do the right thing and he responds negativelty you are only going to grow more resentful, which ultimately is not good for you.
MsErikaLynn
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Posted by Angie2014
Sorry to hear about this Erika! Your father seems to love creating drama on purpose. After what you've described, I can see why you could not get along with him. Stay strong, and don't let him get to you.
thank you Angie!!
Jott1015
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I am sorry you are going through this. I am actually in a very similar situation. My father and I never had any sort of real relationship through the years, he was always very 'absent' from my life and my brothers lives. Actually 2 of my brothers have completely written him off. He is completely narcissistic, selfish, all about him, etc. My mother however, has always been the one to hold the family together and probably the only reason we all grew up semi normal. I haven't gotten to that point yet, but I plan on asking my mom to walk me down the aisle, and will also have my first dance with my mom, NOT my dad. He will be invited to the wedding but that's all he gets. I feel that walking you down the aisle is a PRIVELEGE and he should not get that privilege if he has not been there for you. This is your day. If I were in your situation, I would probably still invite him and tell him that I want him to walk me down (if you do) and then leave it in his hands. You should not have to bend over backwards and cut out your stepfather and I think that is completely ABSURD that he would even suggest that.
Unfortunately, I connected this this situation too well. I hope if works out for you!
YES he asked me
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Just word the invitation that includes you abc your FH no parents.....no one offended. Besides his family should know how he treats you.
jenandivan
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Posted by katielynn
If you want a compromise on the situation... don't put his name on the invite... but do invite him to the wedding. Just have him as a guest. Don't distinguish him as FOB or anything. Just have him as a guest and treat him as such. If he wants to come. great. If not... then thats his loss.
<3
I have a very similar relationship with my father, although he's been around and was married to my mom til the day she died. He's since remarried, and has put his new family (2 daughters from her first marriage) ahead of his own. But now he seems to want to be part of my life in some capacity, and there's a campaign going on now to have him walk me down the aisle, even though this is my 2nd marriage.
Because of this, I'm walking down the aisle alone. He hasn't cared about my feelings, so why should I care about his? He's invited as a guest, but he won't be wearing a tux, won't be getting a bout, and won't be at one of the head tables. He's merely a guest.
I'm sorry about your situation. For your own peace of mind, just invite him as a guest. Don't cause yourself anymore drama than has already occurred.
simba301
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Father Drama- Need Advice | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
I'm sorry you are going through this, Erika. I agree with the other girls who suggested inviting your father as a guest, but not bending over backwards to appease him. It sounds like nothing you are going to do will satisfy him anyway. Try not to let him stress you out...I know it's easier said than done.
MsErikaLynn
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