father's days blues

this year for father's day, DHs parents have a wedding on father's day, so i was very excited that i could spend actual father's day w/ my dad. i called him and told him, and asked him like 5 times, Dad are you sure you're available on father's day?? and he said of course he was. i should have known better. a little history. last year for father's day i tried to make plans w/ my dad about a month in advance, and even before he got a word out of his mouth, his wife responds, 'well what about my father??!' sure enough, my dad calls me the next day to tell me that they have plans with his wife's family, so we'll have to get together another day.

i know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it. my dad is really the only family i have - my mom died when i was 17, and even before that she wasn't really around. i do have a younger brother, but he's always in and out of trouble. we have different father's, so i'm my dad's only child. you would think that would make me #1 to him, but if he's married, i'm very far from #1. you would think that at 32 years old i would just get used to it, but i almost feel like it gets harder every year that passes by. I have no opportunity to have just me and Daddy time - if I ask for that, his wife gets very defensive, and thinks that she's not 'part of the family'. i spent all night crying over this. DH is so wonderful, and wanted to have a 'talk' w/ my dad, but i told him it was just no use. i don't even say anything to him. it took him 10 years to apologize to me for not taking me in when my mother could no longer care for me. his wife then (who was the love of his life, and died of breast cancer 7 years ago) told him flat out she was done taking care of children, so he sent me to live with other relatives. and people wonder why i have issues.......

sorry this is so long, i just needed to vent to someone besides DH, and just get things off my chest. thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry Tina!!!

One day you will be celebrating Father's day with your DH and starting your own traditions and family. I know it stings now, but hopefully the thought of the future will help you smile!

I'm sorry that you wont be able to spend Father's Day with your Dad- is he spending the whole day with his wife's family- maybe you guys can do breakfast or a late dinner or something around that time?

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Posted by yelley77

I'm so sorry Tina!!!

One day you will be celebrating Father's day with your DH and starting your own traditions and family. I know it stings now, but hopefully the thought of the future will help you smile!

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I am sooo sorry Tina, but just think of it as Danielle said.

I don't know any words of wisdom or advice, but here are some

i'm sorry that Fathers Day gets you so down.
here are some hugs hopefully they will make you

I'm so sorry Tina Its understandable that it hurts so much.

One day you will have your own family traditions on Father's Day, with your family, and it will get better.

sorry!!

Oh Tina

If it were me, I would try to talk to my dad about this. I am the kind of person who doens't want to just let things go without closure. You may not be like that, and it's probably better because it causes me a lot of pain and issues because I always need to resolve things - I can't let them go.

What about talking to his wife? And just explaining that time with him doesn't mean you don't like her, it's just that sometimes, you want to have QT with your dad. I have a good friend who never seems to understand that when I invite her somwhere, I just want to see HER, not her and her sister or her husband, etc - I know it's not the same, but I kinda know how it feels.

Can you sneak in a lunch or breakfast with your dad on Father's Day? Even if it's not just the two of you - I'm sure it would be great if you went with DH and your dad's wife.

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Oh Tina

If it were me, I would try to talk to my dad about this. I am the kind of person who doens't want to just let things go without closure. You may not be like that, and it's probably better because it causes me a lot of pain and issues because I always need to resolve things - I can't let them go.

What about talking to his wife? And just explaining that time with him doesn't mean you don't like her, it's just that sometimes, you want to have QT with your dad. I have a good friend who never seems to understand that when I invite her somwhere, I just want to see HER, not her and her sister or her husband, etc - I know it's not the same, but I kinda know how it feels.

Can you sneak in a lunch or breakfast with your dad on Father's Day? Even if it's not just the two of you - I'm sure it would be great if you went with DH and your dad's wife.

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thanks!!! i've tried that once in the past. my dad used to take me to the cemetery to visit my mom, and it was always just the two of us who went. then after they got together, she wanted to come too, and i told them no, this is something personal for me, that i'd rather not have anyone else there, and she was deeply offended and was crying on the phone to me that i don't consider her family. i asked her why she felt the need to go to her husband's dead's wife's grave, and got no response, but had to hear from my dad how much i hurt her feelings, and that made me feel awful. at this point i'd rather just keep my mouth shut and spare everyone else's feelings. i'm used to having my feelings not taken into consideration, but i can't do the same to others. it would kill me to know that i said something to my dad, or anyone, that caused them to feel bad, so i just continue to take it.

I'm soo sorry to hear that .

You're feelings are as valuable as everybody else's and you're entitled to have them and to talk about them. He is your father, maybe you should try talking to him about this and really let him know how bad it makes you feel and how you really want him to be part of your life in more than just name only. He can't know how much it bother's you unless you tell him. As for his wife, you can try to talk to her, but it seems like she's a controlling woman if she wants to even go to your mother's grave with you and him. At the end of the day he is the one that needs to stand up for you and his relationship with you and understand that it's not about his wife, but about you and him.

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Posted by teenigrrl

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Oh Tina

If it were me, I would try to talk to my dad about this. I am the kind of person who doens't want to just let things go without closure. You may not be like that, and it's probably better because it causes me a lot of pain and issues because I always need to resolve things - I can't let them go.

What about talking to his wife? And just explaining that time with him doesn't mean you don't like her, it's just that sometimes, you want to have QT with your dad. I have a good friend who never seems to understand that when I invite her somwhere, I just want to see HER, not her and her sister or her husband, etc - I know it's not the same, but I kinda know how it feels.

Can you sneak in a lunch or breakfast with your dad on Father's Day? Even if it's not just the two of you - I'm sure it would be great if you went with DH and your dad's wife.

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thanks!!! i've tried that once in the past. my dad used to take me to the cemetery to visit my mom, and it was always just the two of us who went. then after they got together, she wanted to come too, and i told them no, this is something personal for me, that i'd rather not have anyone else there, and she was deeply offended and was crying on the phone to me that i don't consider her family. i asked her why she felt the need to go to her husband's dead's wife's grave, and got no response, but had to hear from my dad how much i hurt her feelings, and that made me feel awful. at this point i'd rather just keep my mouth shut and spare everyone else's feelings. i'm used to having my feelings not taken into consideration, but i can't do the same to others. it would kill me to know that i said something to my dad, or anyone, that caused them to feel bad, so i just continue to take it.

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I am so sorry No one should have to deal with that over and over. I guess some people (your dad's wife) just don't get it, though.

And you will make a GREAT mom, don't even think twice about it!!!!!!! With what you just described about how you feel about people - it's no question.

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Posted by yelley77

I'm so sorry Tina!!!

One day you will be celebrating Father's day with your DH and starting your own traditions and family. I know it stings now, but hopefully the thought of the future will help you smile!

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Totally agree with this...my FFIL came from a broken home (father died when he was 14, mother literally went out to get milk one day and was gone for YEARS before she miraculously returned, during which time he was raised by his brothers, found out during a GOVERNMENT JOB INTERVIEW that he has a brother he never knew about b/c his mom gave it to her sister to raise as her own, etc.) and he made it his MISSION to lead a very family oriented life and celebrate all the things he missed out on with his own parents. Look forward to the future when you and FH will have a wonderful family and things will go as you want them to.

I agree with Yelley - someday soon you will have your own family and can both be the most loving & caring parents. I understand how you feel about your dad - mine always chose his girlfriend over my brothers & I and I never stopped trying to be more a part of his life until he died 9 years ago.

I'm so sorry
Why doesn't your father's wife include you with her family, that doesn't seem right. At least you have your FH, and soon you'll be starting your own family...

I am so sorry you are feeling down Hopefully one day your father will realize what he has been missing out on and that is a GREAT DAUGHTER!! I hope you are able to cheer up!!

I wish there was something I could say to make things easier for you, but the words just aren't there and I don't think they ever would be. Just know you're in my thoughts.

thanks everyone! just a smalll update, my dad called to invite us w/ his wife's family for father's day, so at least we'll be together, but it still hurts that it's a second hand invitation, and that he just didnt' take it upon himself to include us. but overall i do feel better. i just needed to vent, and thank you so much for listening