father's days blues

this year for father's day, DHs parents have a wedding on father's day, so i was very excited that i could spend actual father's day w/ my dad. i called him and told him, and asked him like 5 times, Dad are you sure you're available on father's day?? and he said of course he was. i should have known better. a little history. last year for father's day i tried to make plans w/ my dad about a month in advance, and even before he got a word out of his mouth, his wife responds, 'well what about my father??!' sure enough, my dad calls me the next day to tell me that they have plans with his wife's family, so we'll have to get together another day.

i know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it. my dad is really the only family i have - my mom died when i was 17, and even before that she wasn't really around. i do have a younger brother, but he's always in and out of trouble. we have different father's, so i'm my dad's only child. you would think that would make me #1 to him, but if he's married, i'm very far from #1. you would think that at 32 years old i would just get used to it, but i almost feel like it gets harder every year that passes by. I have no opportunity to have just me and Daddy time - if I ask for that, his wife gets very defensive, and thinks that she's not 'part of the family'. i spent all night crying over this. DH is so wonderful, and wanted to have a 'talk' w/ my dad, but i told him it was just no use. i don't even say anything to him. it took him 10 years to apologize to me for not taking me in when my mother could no longer care for me. his wife then (who was the love of his life, and died of breast cancer 7 years ago) told him flat out she was done taking care of children, so he sent me to live with other relatives. and people wonder why i have issues.......

sorry this is so long, i just needed to vent to someone besides DH, and just get things off my chest. thanks for reading.