Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I am so hurt and upset right now that I am having that feeling that I want to call off the entire wedding. First off, my best friend, one of my bridesmaids has pulled out of the wedding. Her hubby, my fiances so called best friend has also pulled out. There was a little spat over some silly things and now they have thrown away a 24 year old friendship down the drain. She said that her heart wasnt in the wedding and therefore couldnt be in it. This is a person that I helped get dressed on her wedding day, I was there when she oushed her first baby out into the world and now she is hurting me like this.

Second of all, my other bridesmaid...is getting married 2 weeks before me and I and I hear from another friend that she has just received her shower invite in the mail and guess what?? I havent gotten one!!!!!! Not to mention that the other frined was invited late as well since the rsvp date on the invite is august 1st and she recived it the day before yesterday. Am i not invited at all?? How could this be?!?!

Third of all, my moms significant other has just been diagnosed with liver cancer and starts chemo on Wednesday. She is so distraught and so is the entire family. He is embarrassed and upset cause at the wedding he prolly will be totally bald...not like that matters at all to me or my fh. But we are just all so upset and scared!

I just feel like giving up. I feel like cancelling everything. I mean I love my fh and I want to marry him but Im not sure about this wedding thing. So many people have hurt me already and now someone else is hurting and I just cant seem to take it. I tried to go to bed and I just lay there and think and eventually wind up crying. So I thought if I came here and cried while I typed it would help in some way. I just dont understand why I am being hurt and betrayed. Is this all worth it?? Should i just give up?? I am so upset! Im sorry for rambling but its almost 2 in the morning and i just cant seem to come to any answers. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

x

x

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I am sorry that this is all happening to you at once, sometimes when it rains it POURS. Did you ever think about eloping - just you and your fiance going to the Islands or something like that? I don't know how much you have booked already, but if you feel everyone is disappointing you (meaning bridesmaids, not your mom's friends' illness) maybe you should just have your immediate family there and that is it, when it is done and overwith - send them a picture! It is not right what they are doing to you, especially after what you have done for them. It is not much advice, but I hope it helps a little.

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

Well sometimes people just suck, and it is a million times worse when you call them your friend. But you have to just press on and get on with what is important to you.
In my situation the former friend of my fiance's and myself who set us up over two years ago couldn't handle our engagement and became very troublesome, so bad that he is the reason my fiance's leave was taken away and why three weeks before our planned date we had to postpone. And now we are sitting around being patient waiting for the AF to give him leave so he can come home and we can get married. For us marriage is important and this jerk did everything he possibly could to tear us apart and it has done nothing but brought us closer. Unfortunatly stress does bring you closer and I hope many lessons can be learned by this. We have clouds over us too, and both of my showers were not what they could have been because one happened when we were sure if the wedding would still be on, and the other was 2 weeks before our postponed date and we had just cancelled. Things happen and they happen for a reason even if you can't see it now and may possibly never see it. I wish you the best of luck!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

Sorry for all of your problems. The one thing I can tell you is no matter how much you plan and how many dreams you had about planning your wedding, there are always things that are a downer. I have had dissapointments from some people during my planning process including bridesmaids. I guess we expect people to do what we would do and they dont and we cant believe it. Try to hang in there and you and your FH should sit down and talk about what you want to do about having a wedding. Maybe something small. Good luck to you!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

***BIG HUGS***

My advice to you is this: Focus on what really matters: your husband to be. This is about you and him, the rest of the world would just be icing on the cake. In everything you wrote, it sounds like he is wonderful and that is what makes a wonderful wedding -- not everyone else. Only he should be able to hurt your wedding day!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I am so sorry to hear of everything that is happening to you. A couple times I cried myself to sleep and wondered if its all worth it after all the grief other people have given us over OUR wedding.
I too have thought, we should cancel the 'Big' wedding and do something small, but I realized if I did that and missed our on my 'dream wedding' that I have waited for since I was a little girl, I would forever hate the people that forced me to go small.
My advice would be to just hang in there!! Keep going with your planning. You have come this far, think of how great thing are going to turn out. Would it help if you tried to talk to your friend? Tell her how hurt you are, remind her how you've been there for her. Don't let other people ruin your day, just keep telling yourself that the wedding is for you and your FI.
Also, my FMIL was diagnosed with cancer recently, and she too has been going thru chemo. When she was first diagnosed I thought we should postpone the date but everyone told me how hurt she would be and how bad she would feel if we changed things because of her. She is responding well to the chemo and even though she will have no hair for the wedding (she doesn't wear wigs) She is so thrilled about the whole wedding everyone says it gave her something to strive for.... I will keep your moms significant other in my thoughts.
Always turn to the board when you need to vent

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I'm am so sorry to hear about all this!! As for your friend and her husband - I know that whole story from you earlier, and although I know you're not completely shocked by it, it must still really hurt. Unfortunately, with some people, we give and give and get nothing in return - especially when we really need it. It's times like this when you find out who your real friends are. Better to find out now, then to have a wedding album filled with pictures of people like them. It hurts now, but you're better off in the long run. Try and keep your chin up and know that the two of you are just better people than the two of them.

As for your bms shower invite - who is giving the shower (obviously not the bridal party). Are you close with the family? Perhaps you can call her mom and explain the situation. It would make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE that you would not be invited to this...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's significant other. I know how hard that must be. Try and be patient and try to think positively. He will be in my thoughts...and so will you.

In all this craziness, try to concentrate on the point of the wedding - to marry the man that you love and spend a long and happy life together. The people who truly love you and care for you will be there to share in all that love...that's very important. If you need anything, please email me....

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

Hang in there - I agree with Valenia. Focus on the love between you and your FH and you can't go wrong - let the rest of the world go on.

It hurts when everything around you is not going well - especially when you are planning a wedding and expect all to be happy.

You have a lot going on right now - treat yourself to something special to let off some of the stress. I know for me a walk on the beach does wonders.

All the best!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

You are not alone. Since our engagement my nana has passed away, my future father in law has passed away, my brother and I have been fighting and my mother and I do NOT speak at all. She will not even be invited. I sit there and say, is it all worth it. Should I have this wedding even though my family is a mess...here's my answer...I love my FH, (Just like you love yours), and that day is about sharing your love for each other and celebrating with the people who do care. Dont let others take it away from you. I am still having a big wedding, though at times it seems silly. But just sit back and think about how much you love him, and try to focus on making your wedding about the two of you. If you even need a place to vent, come to me anyday! Hope this helps.

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I just want to thank you all for all of your kind words, advice and a shoulder to cry on. So far today I did receive an invitation for the other bridemaids shower although late, I talked to the organist (the girl who pulled out--her brother) and he said that of course he would still do it and that hes looking forward to it. So I guess I feel a tad but better but still worried about moms friend. So hard but thank you all for making it easier. You guys r the best!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

dont let it bother you and dont call of your wedding
if there is one thing I have learned from this whole thing(wedding thing) is that people can be *hit.... I have one friend, who I thought was a friend who told me she and her guy were coming on 7/29
I said should I put you down for two and she said yes, that she just forgot to mail her reply..... I have known this person over three years from school and was good friends w/ her
then on 8/8 we get her reply six days late that says number of people 0
I called and emailed her and never heard from her and nothing happened to prompt this so I think she is just nuts and decided maybe to go out of town w/ him
which is a crappy thing to do :) dont let it bother you though
you will learn who your real, good friends are

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I think you need to have a long talk with your 'friends'. You do not sound like anyone is helping or supporting you at all. If someone can throw away a 24 year friendship over a small thing what kind of person does that make them anyway!
You need to take a few days OFF from the plans and concentrate on helping your stepfather. Sometimes we all get caught up in the plans so much that we feel like the wedding is all that there is. Go get a manicure, a massage- treat youself to some pampering and downtime. Have a good cry- sometimes that helps and then see that the sun came out today and things will work out.

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I'm so incredibly sorry that the people in your life are making this great time seem miserable to you.

To share in your misery for a minute, my grandfather was just diagnosed with terminal cancer...and my wedding is in 2 weeks! It has TORN my family apart...I spend my weekends at his bedside in the hospital. Not ever what I thought I'd be doing 2 weeks before my wedding.

Remember - this too shall pass. That's what I tell myself evey morning.
Keep your chin up!

Re: Feel like I am losing it..QUICKLY!!!!!

I know it is a corny cliche, but I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. There is always something good and valuable that comes as a result of hardship. Maybe this wedding will be just what your family needs to bring them a little joy right now? Hang in there and Trust your instincts!