FI and I are having a discussion about weddings and how I will feel 'cheated' if we don't have a 'proper wedding'. He says that each of his married friends who went to the justice of the peace gets yelled at by his wife whenever a wedding show is on t.v., there is a wedding in a movie, or when the couple attends weddings. He is of the opinion that every woman wants a wedding.
I know there are some ladies on this site who were married and are now having the 'proper wedding'. And I know there are still others who eloped and don't ever want to have the 'proper wedding'.
Just wondering if anyone feels (or thinks they would feel) 'cheated' if there was no 'proper wedding'?
jantany26
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Re: Feeling cheated?
I don't think that I ever felt cheated because I knew eventually I was going to have the wedding that I always dreamed off. It's amazing though, how that dream changed and it's a different and better vision for us.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Honestly, I would feel cheated, because I am one of those girls who always pictured being a princess on her wedding day.
That being said, everyone is different and you should do whatever it is you want to do and not what everyone else is doing or what society says is the right thing....
Sounds to me like your future FH might feel cheated without the big-to-do!!
akaMrsT
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Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
Honestly, I would feel cheated, because I am one of those girls who always pictured being a princess on her wedding day.
That being said, everyone is different and you should do whatever it is you want to do and not what everyone else is doing or what society says is the right thing....
Sounds to me like your future FH might feel cheated without the big-to-do!!
Boy are you sooo right. He really wants this big party. He was telling a few of the ladies about 'his wedding ideas' at LP's wedding.
I think that's why I have been putting off picking a hall. I did all this research and the cost of it is really just overwhelming. Now he wants Tahiti
prncssrachel
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Well, if I were to have a ceremony by a justice of the peace, it's pretty safe to say that we made a 50/50 decision to do that, and it would not be fair of me to turn around and feel I was cheated when I obviously had to commit to the first ceremony on my own free will. Did that make sense? NOW, if I had the first ceremony with the INTENTIONS of a big wedding later on, then never ended up planning it, THEN i would feel cheated. I know tons of girls who never want a big wedding and that's cool. Everyone does what's best for them.
Shorty McBride
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Re: Feeling cheated?
FH and I aren't big hall, all eyes on us kinda people.
We've decided to take our closest family (about 40 people, yikes) down to a location south of here on the east coast, and get married overlooking the water. We'll have a small reception at a restaurant or something afterwards, and I'll still have the flowers/white dress/veil/etc.
This is what we really want, although it's NOT making our parents 100% happy- they feel like a wedding is the perfect excuse to see dear great uncle bob-o that no one's seen in 15 yrs - along with about 250 others .
I wish it was tomorrow!!!
akaMrsT
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by prncssrachel
Well, if I were to have a ceremony by a justice of the peace, it's pretty safe to say that we made a 50/50 decision to do that, and it would not be fair of me to turn around and feel I was cheated when I obviously had to commit to the first ceremony on my own free will. Did that make sense? NOW, if I had the first ceremony with the INTENTIONS of a big wedding later on, then never ended up planning it, THEN i would feel cheated. I know tons of girls who never want a big wedding and that's cool. Everyone does what's best for them.
I am positive that all his friends decided to do the JP thing as a couple. In fact, I know one couple was together for 14 years and the reason they got married is she gave him an ultimatum when she got a job in another state. She would not let him move with her unless they got married - so they did the JP. She started complaining about it already to friends and family over the phone here in NY with her DH in the room - MAKING SURE HE OVERHEARS HER COMPLAINTS.
I cannot even imagine how annoying that is for FI's friend since his wife forced his hand anyway. I guess in 14 years he could have saved up some cash for a small wedding but still - they made that choice together to go to the JP.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by kdrainey
Boy are you sooo right. He really wants this big party. He was telling a few of the ladies about 'his wedding ideas' at LP's wedding.
I think that's why I have been putting off picking a hall. I did all this research and the cost of it is really just overwhelming. Now he wants Tahiti
I knew it!!! FH sounds like a cutie! That is the important thing though...it has to be a decision you are both happy with....maybe you can meet somewhere in the middle?
Monkeybride
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I know personally I would have felt cheated had I not had my wedding. It was something I had always dreamed of so it was a priority for me to have a 'proper' wedding.
prncssrachel
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Posted by kdrainey
Posted by prncssrachel I guess in 14 years he could have saved up some cash for a small wedding but still - they made that choice together to go to the JP.
I don't know, doesn't sound like an equal decision to me! Just kidding. But this is what I'm talking about. It's not fair to your SO to turn around and claim you were cheated if that's not what you agreed on in the first place! Am I making sense? I'm tired, maybe I'm just babbling.
Goldi1021
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Re: Feeling cheated?
I have to say yes, I would feel cheated, but I think my family would as well. I am the youngest of the first cousins on my father's side of the family. Some of the older ones are old enough to be my parents.
My mother HAS offered me a 'check and a ladder' but I know deep in her heart, nothing would give her greater pleasure than to see me walk down the aisle and dance at myown wedding.
That being said, a wedding is not to show how much someone can spend, or the chocolate fountain or howmany inflated guitars your DJ can hand out. It is about celebrating the love between two people and the journey the family they are about to start. Even if they choose not to have children, a husband and wife is a family that should be celebrated.
When you ask someone who was a guest at a 'proper wedding' how the wedding was, you can see a difference between the person who wants to go to a 'party' and the person who wants to 'celebrate'. The PARTY person will comment on the music, food the decor (whether good or bad). The person who celebrates woud be more inclined to say 'I was so happy for them, they deserve all of the happiness in the world.' If a proper wedding allows those people to share in that joy, so be it. If an informal civil ceremony does the same, thats ok too.
Maybe I sound corny, but its my true opinion.
akaMrsT
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by kdrainey
Posted by prncssrachel I guess in 14 years he could have saved up some cash for a small wedding but still - they made that choice together to go to the JP.
I don't know, doesn't sound like an equal decision to me! Just kidding. But this is what I'm talking about. It's not fair to your SO to turn around and claim you were cheated if that's not what you agreed on in the first place! Am I making sense? I'm tired, maybe I'm just babbling.
I understand what you mean. She feels cheated but it was her choice in the first place - marry me or I'm leaving NY without you (after 14 years)?!?!?
I do not think I would feel cheated but I do think FI would . His family is really into weddings while mine does JP or something similar. I have a picture of him with his sister on her wedding day that he just found recently (and dropped it off at my house). I guess it's a hint.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Feeling cheated?
What about a small destination wedding to satisfy you and a bigger party when you get back to satisfy FH?
Besides...I looked at your pic, FH would look great in some white linen pants on the beach taking his vows....great bod!!!
akaMrsT
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by Goldi1021
I have to say yes, I would feel cheated, but I think my family would as well. I am the youngest of the first cousins on my father's side of the family. Some of the older ones are old enough to be my parents.
My mother HAS offered me a 'check and a ladder' but I know deep in her heart, nothing would give her greater pleasure than to see me walk down the aisle and dance at myown wedding.
That being said, a wedding is not to show how much someone can spend, or the chocolate fountain or howmany inflated guitars your DJ can hand out. It is about celebrating the love between two people and the journey the family they are about to start. Even if they choose not to have children, a husband and wife is a family that should be celebrated.
When you ask someone who was a guest at a 'proper wedding' how the wedding was, you can see a difference between the person who wants to go to a 'party' and the person who wants to 'celebrate'. The PARTY person will comment on the music, food the decor (whether good or bad). The person who celebrates woud be more inclined to say 'I was so happy for them, they deserve all of the happiness in the world.' If a proper wedding allows those people to share in that joy, so be it. If an informal civil ceremony does the same, thats ok too.
Maybe I sound corny, but its my true opinion.
That is sooo sweet. I do not think I would feel cheated at all but he wants his family to all be able to come celebrate with us. Hence, my Mexico idea is still just that - an idea.
JimmysBride
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Yes, I would feel cheated. We almost had a destination wedding in the Carribean and the whole time I was planning it, my heart was breaking at the thought that I was not going to have my dream wedding. It may sound silly, but that's how I felt. DH saw that and though the destination wedding was HIS dream wedding, he gave it up for me and my fru fru affair! We had to wait almost two years to get it done, but it was worth it!
akaMrsT
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Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05
What about a small destination wedding to satisfy you and a bigger party when you get back to satisfy FH?
Besides...I looked at your pic, FH would look great in some white linen pants on the beach taking his vows....great bod!!!
Thanks he had me take down a lot of his pics that have him exposed.
I am pretty sure we will end up doing LI. I am just being overly frugal I guess. We have the money in an ING account (savings rate went up by the way ) and I guess I just don't want to part with it.
akaMrsT
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by JimmysBride
Yes, I would feel cheated. We almost had a destination wedding in the Carribean and the whole time I was planning it, my heart was breaking at the thought that I was not going to have my dream wedding. It may sound silly, but that's how I felt. DH saw that and though the destination wedding was HIS dream wedding, he gave it up for me and my fru fru affair! We had to wait almost two years to get it done, but it was worth it!
That is so sweet. I think if we do something small, he will be the one that's upset.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by kdrainey
Thanks he had me take down a lot of his pics that have him exposed.
I am pretty sure we will end up doing LI. I am just being overly frugal I guess. We have the money in an ING account (savings rate went up by the way ) and I guess I just don't want to part with it.
Oooh....FH just started one of those ING accounts...he is the frugal one in this relationship (thank God...I need someone to monitor and harass me about my spending!!!)
I am sure anything you decide will be wonderful and just what you and FH wanted!
marc_rai
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Re: Feeling cheated?
Posted by Goldi1021
I have to say yes, I would feel cheated, but I think my family would as well. I am the youngest of the first cousins on my father's side of the family. Some of the older ones are old enough to be my parents.
My mother HAS offered me a 'check and a ladder' but I know deep in her heart, nothing would give her greater pleasure than to see me walk down the aisle and dance at myown wedding.
That being said, a wedding is not to show how much someone can spend, or the chocolate fountain or howmany inflated guitars your DJ can hand out. It is about celebrating the love between two people and the journey the family they are about to start. Even if they choose not to have children, a husband and wife is a family that should be celebrated.
When you ask someone who was a guest at a 'proper wedding' how the wedding was, you can see a difference between the person who wants to go to a 'party' and the person who wants to 'celebrate'. The PARTY person will comment on the music, food the decor (whether good or bad). The person who celebrates woud be more inclined to say 'I was so happy for them, they deserve all of the happiness in the world.' If a proper wedding allows those people to share in that joy, so be it. If an informal civil ceremony does the same, thats ok too.
Maybe I sound corny, but its my true opinion.
Beautifully said!
akaMrsT
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Re: Feeling cheated?
I won't feel cheated if we don't have the wedding but I will be upset if FI is regretting a JP ceremony or destination wedding with only a few people in attendance for years.
