Feeling guilty...

Hey girls,
I'm feeling guilty about how much this wedding thing is costing my parents. They offered to give me money for the wedding to pay for part of it but that number has gone up since. They are giving me 10k and I have sisters still in college so thats a lot. Then on top of that, my mom paid for my dress and my veil (I tried to pay for the veil but she wouldn't let me) which is about another 1,000 all together. I didn't feel so bad about that stuff but I feel bad because none of my 3 sisters have money for this wedding (well I think they could help out more than they are), so my mom is paying for their dresses and their hair and make up. Then, on top of that, she felt bad having the girls in my party pay for my shower, and this is the part where she shouldn't have offered, so she is paying for it alone... and there are about 70 people coming... even more invited that probably won't come. I just don't think she should have offered the shower thing and I wish my bridesmaids were throwing it. There are 11 of them so it wouldn't be a huge strain and I wouldn't feel so guilty. I just feel like my mom didn't want to make my wedding a huge strain on my bridal party because she thinks we are all young and starting out our lives, but my parent's aren't made of money either. At the end of the day, I kind of feel like the reason why my dad works overtime. I'm just feeling bad about it and I know a lot of people will say offer to help, but I really can't afford to.
Does anyone else feel this guilty?

Wow - this is tough. I'm actually a late 30s bride, settled in my career and paying for my own wedding. But I come from a big family and my parents paid for my older sisters weddings. We had years where things were tight and good years but what I always knew was regardless of what was happening, my parents did everything they could to make it a special day. All of my sisters got married in the winter on Friday nights (to save money) yet every wedding was awesome. I am sure that is how your parents feel and the last thing they want after making this effort is you to be feeling bad about stuff. What I would say to you is do little things to cut back where you can. And keep telling them how appreciative you are. Seriously, favors aren't necessary - a bucnh of things aren't necessary. There are ways to make things exceptional without breaking the bank. But also know your parents know that this is a really important day for you and they want it to be special. Seriously think of ways you could cut back and share it with them. But don't feel guilty. People give what they can give and they love doing it. They don't want the recipients to be sad.

aww..i know its hard but trust me ur mom is happy to do this...u r her daughter and if she could not do it she would not...to see her daughter get married is such a huge deal and she only wants the best fot you..i know its hard but trust me she is happy to do it and cant wait for ur big day

What really makes you a good person.. is that you took the time to really think about that and relect on it.
It's totally normal to feel EXACTLY how you are feeling. I completely understand.
You mother just loves you and want's to do the best for you. If she really couldn't do it she probably wouldn't offer as much as she does. Really all I see in this story is a WHOLE LOT OF LOVE! I kinda see it as sweet from both sides. Is that super gay of me? ha ha ha!

My mother so wishes she could help me out a lot more. She offered to pay for the dress but I feel terrible letting her because I feel like I don't want to put a burden on her... and I feel like she doesn't have it. (FH has 2 full time jobs... so we are saving freaks right now!).

I know what you girls are saying is true. I wish there were places I could scale back but Fh and I are already taking care of the favors ourselves (donation) and I skimped on the things that I could (like flowers). In actuality, Fh's parents are paying for the bulk of everything and thats not a problem for them. My parents are inviting the least amount of people, out of me and Fh, FMIL and FFIL, and them, but the are still inviting more than they are actually paying for. So in that situation, I don't feel bad.
I'm really feeling more about about the bridal shower than anything else really... and the fact that I've never actually stopped and thanked my mom for anything. I know a lot of the time she feels like I plan more with FMIL than her (in a way I do but my mom is not into wedding planning and often times thinks things are me being redic.... she hasn't been involved in a wedding in YEARS so isn't up-to-date on wedding related things where as FMIL just went through her daughters... and when I got engaged there was major family issues on my side and my parents were concentrating on helping my sister through a rough patch so it just wasn't the time to talk wedding at home)... But I guess I should just show more appreciation and actually tell my mom I'm thankful... It's been a whirlwind and I have never stopped running around to actually say thank you.

Funny you say this.. I just got this wave of guilt tonight also

I felt pretty guilty about some things, especially because DH lost his job twice last year and my parents started giving us money every month to pay our bills. But the fact is that they wanted to help. I made a comment to my mom one day when she was writing me a check that I felt like such a mooch and I just wanted to be able to do things on my own and she answered that we're young, we're just starting out, sh*t happens and she wants to make sure we have a great day and a great life since she never got that kind of support when she was our age. I still feel bad, but I know she understands and just wanted to help, so it made things a little easier. We'll just make it up to them by getting them a cruise one day.

I def know how you feel.. felt very guilty my folks were paying for part of the wedding, especially after some AWFUl financial things this yer but remember that people don't usually offer things they don't want to do and it prob makes your mother very happy to be able to do this for you

what I might suggest is make her a nice card inviting her out to a lunch or special day or something telling her how much you appreciate it, how much she means to you etc and that you want to take a moment to just be with her in all the chaos.. I bet she will remember that!!!!!