FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

Original post by FutureMrsCarrieri

Sep 09, 2008 08:54 PM

As some of you already know, my FIL's are not the warm and fuzzy type and have absolutely zero interest in me, my family, and this wedding.

After pretending that he was going to go to the tux shop and leave a deposit on a tux, FFIL finally told FH that he wants to wear a suit he already has.

FH really wanted him to get a tux and had even offered to drive him there. (It's not about money.)

Maybe I'm overreaccting and maybe I'm not but I feel like the FIL's are doing everything in their power to upset and/or squash our excitement.
Even the littlest things are met with opposition and they do nothing but criticize all while not offering any help, financial or otherwise.

I am not one to be fake or two-faced. I don't know how I'm going to hide my true feelings on the day of. I don't know why theyr'e like this and I no longer care -- the thought of having to smile and pretend that I don't think they s u c k gives me a headache.

Do you think it will be rude to seat them FAR away from the dais?

jcslady Posted: Sep 09, 2008 10:35 PM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Posted by jcslady

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Posted by jcslady

OMG i was just talking about this to a therapist! that is how far it has gone with me!
how am i going to be able to look at fh's mother in the face!!!!

just think of your fh's parents and family being a small # of people compared to the larger number of people that will be there and surround yourself with them

I totally understand what you mean but since FH and I paid for everything we are technically the hosts and I know that i do not have it in me to smile and pretend.

I wish I had a therapist![/QUOT

you can share mine!!!! it has been a godsend!
i hear ya, try to keep away from them.. i am doing it with fh's mother

I think that after the wedding I'm just going to wash my hands

Wait till the babies come! That should be interesting.

fh's mother is not going 10 feet near me or any of my kids.... god help me

mRm2008 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 07:22 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

date twin & PITA inlaw twin

anamaree77 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 08:11 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Posted by Kricket212

So sorry to hear that things are going this way.
Can I ask why they are being this way?

To be perfectly honest I believe that they think I'm not good enough

I have 2 beautiful kids from a previous marriage, I am not Argentinian, I was raised here, etc
All strikes against me.

But what they fail to take into account is that I am an outstanding mother, daughter, friend and sister. I'm also educated and I have a good job where I make more than enough to support me and my kids. In fact, I make more money than their son. I'm his best freind (and he's mine). I am the one who motivated and inspired him to change what he didn't like about his life. He loves me and I make him happy.

They just s u c k

I'm so sorry to hear this....just from your posts on this site, I can tell what a sweet and caring woman you are and it's so evident how much you ADORE your FH. I commend you on putting up with your In-Laws with such CLASS and CHARACTER ~ i'm sure alot of us wouldn't have been able to do that.

I was sort of in the same situation, only reverse. I am from a tight Croatian (European) family background and my DH is divorced with 2 beautiful kids. On top of all that, he also is not 'Croatian' and it caused a lot of drama and animosity from my family. To put it lightly, they put him thru H-E-L-L. Through it all, me and DH have learned that we CAN stick through it and get through anything. His unfaltering love for me, regardless of my family's horrible judgement and attitude towards him, only strengthened our relationship and resolve to be together. I know it's not easy.

At times, to say the least, my family was very unsupportive. My mother was the first to come around and make peace with it (it helped alot that he was granted an Annulment through the Catholic Church) and now that we're married, things are ALOT less tense. For your FH's sake, I would try not to hold it against his family. I know how hard this must be for you but it is not a personal attack on you, I can guarantee it. Your FH's family most likely has years and years of belief's and are set in their ways, it will take some time. No matter how horrible my family was, DH always supported me and treated them with kindness. Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. I know you just want to bash them and scream right now but they probably don't know any better and feel that by not 'cooperating' with the wedding events, they can somehow change things. They will come to realize that this is actually happening and you'll be their daughter-in-law and things will change.

Don't do it for them....but do it for your FH. He must be really struggling with this and if he has your support, it will make your marriage that much stronger. If you want to FM or chat, let me know....but remember, it's not an attack on YOU personally. It's just their 'ways' and they'll come around. It's not FAIR to you at all....but you knew what FH's family was like when you agreed to marry him. It's unfair to him to expect them to change overnight. Give it some time and patience.
It will all work out.

lyss0908 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 08:22 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

I am sorry you are going through this but I can honestly say I know how you feel, except it is my own father who wants to wear his own tux!! I am hoping he will change his mind.

futuremrsfab Posted: Sep 10, 2008 08:39 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

Posted by Maria31

Honestly, if your FFIL wants to be ordinary in an ordinary suit.. then let him! He will be the one that will look silly not dressed up like the BP. If I were you, I would just pick your battles. This may seem like a huge deal now, but when you look back on it, you will giggle that he was being so stubborn for no reason!

I know what you are going through 100%. My FMIL shows NO interest whatsoever in anything wedding related and I'm sure if FH's father was in his life, it would be the same thing!! She showed up to my shower late, left early and gave me the trash can for our bathroom as our gift!

ITA- if he wants to look like an average guest- dont let it ruin your day.

Maria- my fmil was late too- AND she 'forgot' to bring her gift, shower was in June and I have seen her at least 10 times since then and no gift lol

jennarose023 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 09:00 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

sometimes you just can't make people happy! try not to let them ruin your day!

Maria31 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 09:20 AM

Re: FFIL won't get a tux -- vent

Posted by futuremrsfab

Posted by Maria31

Honestly, if your FFIL wants to be ordinary in an ordinary suit.. then let him! He will be the one that will look silly not dressed up like the BP. If I were you, I would just pick your battles. This may seem like a huge deal now, but when you look back on it, you will giggle that he was being so stubborn for no reason!

I know what you are going through 100%. My FMIL shows NO interest whatsoever in anything wedding related and I'm sure if FH's father was in his life, it would be the same thing!! She showed up to my shower late, left early and gave me the trash can for our bathroom as our gift!

ITA- if he wants to look like an average guest- dont let it ruin your day.

Maria- my fmil was late too- AND she 'forgot' to bring her gift, shower was in June and I have seen her at least 10 times since then and no gift lol

Niceeeee!
My family has got to be the polar opposite of FH's... it's just interesting to see the lack of caring from other people! You should have your FH ask her about it lol. My FH actually went home after the shower and was like 'Mom, thanks for our trash can!' She was pissed but whatever!