OK, I know I have only been engaged 3 days, but it seems when I want to talk about planning, he looks at me like I have 10 heads.
Did he think I wouldnt be excited to plan? And why isnt he excited? Or am I jumping the gun by even suggesting we start planning? I thought getting engaged was the green light for starting to get the ball rolling.
February05
Posted:
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
he just needs time to adjust to it. Right now, he's probably jsut letting it all set in... and enjoying that moment.
My FH was a little like that at the beginning (like 'we jsut got engaged... lets enjoy it for a moment before we rush into all this planning')... but soon after that, he got Really into it!! (and has probably been even more involved at some points than I have!!)
just give him a little time.... if he feels rushed and pressured by it, then he'll really back off the planning.
swags1016
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Many men do not take an active part in the planning don't take it too personally. But knowing what planning can involve why not sit back and take some time to enjoy being engaged. You have only been engaged relax and enjoy that for a week or two
Congratulations
May05Bride
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Don't get frustrated with this. Different guys act differently with the wedding plan. Some, just want to show up, and others want to be involved. FInd out the level of involvement he wants, and than, if doesn't want to be involved, than just plan it yourself. That way you can do WHATEVER you want. You can also give him small tasks, just to keep him a part of the process. Many times, though they are not interested at first, they join in and become VERY interested in all the details in the end. My FI was like that. he started out not even wanting to talk about it, but now, that time is getting closer he is a better wedding planner than I am!
LadyPrincess
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
FH's can act like that as they feel a WHOLE year+ is more than enough time - NOT
ie my makeup trial was booked in April for August. !!
Hall was booked in Feb 04 for Mar 05
maybe start ball on yr own -ie look as mags- get a feel for what u want & talk with him abt it
here is a good starting point for halls from one of our lovely brides
I know it's exciting to plan. But, I think the fact of the matter is...men don't usually like this stuff as much as we do. Give him time, it's only been three days. Enjoy being engaged for a little while longer. He'll come around when it sinks in.
For me, it was the other way around. My FH wanted to start planning right away. I was hesitant. I wanted to enjoy being engaged for a little while. Maybe that's how he's feeling too.Hope that helps!
In the meantime, enjoy the chat and take notes!
Kris77
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
:)
Thanks everyone. I guess people asking me every 5 minutes if we have set a date is making me feel like we should have already. LOL
Im just really excited. Ive waited for this proposal for a really long time, and I cant wait to plan and just have fun with it.
In the mean time, Ill take notes from you Gals, you seem to all have it together
Happybride2005
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Posted by Kris77
:)
I guess people asking me every 5 minutes if we have set a date is making me feel like we should have already. LOL :
People where asking us that all the time. We got engaged 4/03, and set the date this past AUgust. There response was, its about time. Do they think they're getting an invite.
May05Bride
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Posted by Kris77
:)
Thanks everyone. I guess people asking me every 5 minutes if we have set a date is making me feel like we should have already. LOL
Im just really excited. Ive waited for this proposal for a really long time, and I cant wait to plan and just have fun with it.
In the mean time, Ill take notes from you Gals, you seem to all have it together
Definately enjoy the not planning, just being engaged! I had a two year engagement, so I got to relax for one year, and do no planning what-so-ever! I was SO happy I did that! We are much better planners now.
prncssrachel
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Posted by Kris77
OK, I know I have only been engaged 3 days, but it seems when I want to talk about planning, he looks at me like I have 10 heads.
Did he think I wouldnt be excited to plan? And why isnt he excited? Or am I jumping the gun by even suggesting we start planning? I thought getting engaged was the green light for starting to get the ball rolling.
Rule of Thumb:
IF IT HAS A PENlS, IT'S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE INTERESTED
I'm just kidding. This is TOTALLY normal. Maybe just sit back and enjoy for a couple of weeks before springing all the planning on him. Boys get overwhelmed VERY easily! (notice I said BOYS )
FoxHollowbride0617
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
From the day we got engaged FH told me to tell him where to be and what to wear and he would be there. He is not into the planning of the wedding but he does go with me when I book vendors.
akaMrsT
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Posted by LadyPrincess
FH's can act like that as they feel a WHOLE year+ is more than enough time - NOT
ie my makeup trial was booked in April for August. !!
Hall was booked in Feb 04 for Mar 05
maybe start ball on yr own -ie look as mags- get a feel for what u want & talk with him abt it
here is a good starting point for halls from one of our lovely brides
Thanks LP. Glad all this time (and gas) has not been wasted.
d&d05
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
I went through this also. I was so excited to plan right away and he just wanted to be engaged. We decided to wait a few weeks before we planned anything. Now that doesn't mean that I didn't do any research, it just means that I left him alone for a couple weeks before we started discussing- to give him the time he needed.
People will ask you what the date is 5 minutes after you get the ring, so don't let that get to you.
We got engaged the very end of March 04 and we didn't book the hall until the middle of May for March 05. I just had to do a lot of the background research myself. Even for the whole wedding, I do a lot of the running around and include him when I'm almost decided. He's just not into every detail, I think it would just annoy him and he'd pick something just to be done with it.
Good luck with everything!
Bunnymonkey
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
My goodness girl, give him a second to breathe!! 3 days is not alot of time for a man to get used to this whole other version of you that is only focused on one thing: the wedding.
My FH is incredibly helpful right now, but there was about 6 weeks at the start where he was totally freeked by it. I didn't talk to him about much, and eventually we eased into it and now he is totally siked and incredibly helpful.
THEY ARE DIFFERENT CREATURES ENTIRELY! Once you get this, you find the right ways to ask him for help and get him into it - it's not like talking to your mom or your girlfriends.
Enjoy being engaged for a few weeks before jumping into the hectic part. Don't just talk about the wedding now, in the simple mind of a man, if all you are doing is planning, and he's thinking 'Whoah, what happened to the woman I knew 3 days ago!' Alot of them need time to adjust to things...
littlebookworm4
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Mine's not either so I'm taking everything into my hands which at this point makes me less stressed then if I had to fight with him over things. It's enough that we're fighting over the honeymoon!
LMFitz
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
Posted by Bunnymonkey
My goodness girl, give him a second to breathe!! 3 days is not alot of time for a man to get used to this whole other version of you that is only focused on one thing: the wedding.
Ditto! I'm almost engaged a year - and my FH still gets queasy at the conversations about the planning (mostly just because the money-thing is stressful). My recommendation? Just take some time to do your homework and figure out what you want. Make lists - - try to make it easy for him to participate! If you lurk around the LIW boards long enough, you'll know exactly what you want (and what you don't want).
Good luck!
Laura1976
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
I hate to tell you this, but its quite possible he'll remain uninterested until your actually married! My FH wants nothing to do with it. He went to look at 3 halls with me, said i had to decide between those 3 and that was the end of his participation in the whole thing! he never went to meet with photographers, florists, dj's or anything else. He's in charge of the honeymoon and thats it! Weddings are for girls, plan it and enjoy it!
It's not that he's not interested in marrying you, but if it was up to most men, they would go to town hall, get married and call it a day.
Good luck and enjoy the planning!
skew
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
don't be offended. DH was not interested in the planning process either. his response was, 'this is your day, whatever you choose will be beautiful' ask him to help pick the song list, visit videographers, and plan the menu. the details (flowers, decor, place cards, table arrangements etc....) i planned on my own.
Marisa M
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Re: FH acting un-interested in planning
His head is probably still spinning from the whole proposal ........and the cost of that ring !!!! - Give him a few days to adjust. I went out and did some research online and through magazines to see what places I thought we would like .......then showed him what I had done. - You can't just throw him in w/ you - He's probably completely clueless !! It deosn't mean he's not excited, it means he's a man and men don't do details well !!
