FH just confirmed with me that he is planning on biking across the country from April to June of next year. (he is an avid bike-rider) That's TWO MONTHS of him being gone. We are getting married in August.
He says this is just something he has to do. He says he will get a phone that has GPS so I can track him and he can work from the road and he will call twice a week and I can meet him places blah blah blah.
I am so upset about it. I don't think its right for him to go away for TWO MONTHS. I don't want to stand in the way of his dreams either.
We also would have a lot of wedding stuff to do in that time right? I also know though, that it is unlikely he will change his mind much.
I have no problem hearing other perspectives. If I am wrong I am wrong.
What do you girls think?
angels914
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You have every right to be upset about this one ! This is going to be for 2 months and it is just right around your wedding time.... my FH is here with me now and he f eels the same way !!!!!!!! I know people have dreams in life , but why can't it be done at another time after the wedding ! Good Luck in changing his mind !
Sweets14
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That's a tough one. Honestly i would feel the same as you! I would be upset especially a few months before the wedding. Let him know you don't mind if he goes but can he postpone till after the wedding? But on the other hand maybe it's one of his dreams that he wants to fufill now before the wedding that way when you guys are newlyweds he won't be leaving you.
MaggieLuvsJoe
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Re: FH Advice
can't he wait until after the wedding and do this in 2010? I mean he is leaving you for 2 months to deal with all the last minute wedding preparations, that is not right. I would be upset too if I were in your position. Maybe you should tell him how you feel and just let him know he has bad timing, I mean he can still do it the following year so why the rush to do it before the wedding.
meli722
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i would say speak to him and see if he can do it for after the wedding..? 2 months before is a busy and stressful time for planning....you will most likely need him around to do the small things and appointments and things like that with you
KimiDanny1010
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Re: FH Advice
is this something he's always wanted to do?? is it something he feels you won't let him do after you get married....?? I can understand how you could feel upset but maybe if you can work something out that you have most of the wedding stuff done before hand... but i would bring up about him doing it next year instead...
chicky724
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Re: FH Advice
He's probably thinking of it as just something he wants to do before he gets married... but if he were my FH I would absolutely murder him.
He can't go now, in like September at least? I would think that right before the wedding you would have a lot of stuff to do.
Good luck!
kayla09
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Oh! I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm so sorry for you. But I think the best thing to do is to Support him. That will only make him realize how lucky he really is to have you as his FW. Distance will only make the 2 of your hearts grow stronger. And since you don't think that he will change his mind you must accept it so you won't stress out more. Who knows maybe this time apart so close to the wedding will make the Honeymoon fabulous. And remember that you will always have us girls here LIW. Good Luck.
MrsZtoBe
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Thanks girls. I appreciate your input.
I am really trying to analyze my feelings to see what specifically is bothering me about it, and other than the timing- it is the idea of TWO MONTHS of him being gone. It's one thing if it is work related or something- but this is his choice.
One month isn't even that bad- but TWO? I am just not used to this type of thing. Neither of my parents would have EVER done something like this... I'm out of my element here.
Once again, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. It's just how I feel right now.
meli722
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Posted by MrsZtoBe
Thanks girls. I appreciate your input.
I am really trying to analyze my feelings to see what specifically is bothering me about it, and other than the timing- it is the idea of TWO MONTHS of him being gone. It's one thing if it is work related or something- but this is his choice.
One month isn't even that bad- but TWO? I am just not used to this type of thing. Neither of my parents would have EVER done something like this... I'm out of my element here.
Once again, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. It's just how I feel right now.
i dont think your wrong to be mad..you need to tell him how you feel about it and explain why you dont want him gone during that time , or even for that long
leeserd
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I would be MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! Wow he better marry you if you are cool with this because not many others would be including myself!
dazies1011
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WOW, I'd be mad, thats for sure but, thats me. Try and talk to him and tell him your feelings on this.
alli3131
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I think I would understand but that is because it is something I could see myself doing. On the other hand I can understand why you would be upset. I think you just need to talk to him about it and see if there is some sort of compromise.
beram63
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Re: FH Advice
that's def a really tough thing to deal with, especially with the wedding so close after his return. however, i will say this:
a few years ago i had an opportunity to live in spain for 6 weeks teaching english to a wealthy family (it was sort of like a grown-up exchange program, except they didn't send anyone back). FH stamped his feet and fought me until i finally gave up trying to do it. he threw ultimatums around, and in the long-run i'm even a little ashamed that i let him intimidate me into staying.
i'd say if this is something he NEEDS to do, that you may want to give him the go-ahead. if you're worried about help with the wedding, then sit down and discuss specific things that you want him to accomplish before he goes to take the stress off of you. you can do your part by tucking away extra money so you can visit him for exciting vacations/weekends. get a webcam so the 2 of you can skype it up while he's gone.
i just feel like you have 2 choices here: you can be the girl who held him back, or the amazing woman who gave him the freedom to pursue a life-long dream. especially if you plan on buying a house or having babies after the wedding, he may feel like this is his last chance. again, i know it's a REALLY tough thing to deal with, and i don't envy your position, but resentment feels even worse. GL
browneyes
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I can understand your frustration with him leaving. My FH is going overseas in April and he will be back a month before we get married. I know it isnt up to him when he goes but its just hard to think of all the choices he wont be part of and he wont be here for all the last minute run arounds... BUt men will be men and the time apart will only make you stronger.. Plus if you try to stop him then he will just get mad that he cant do what he wants maybe this is his last horray before he ties the knot ya know!?
MrsDtoBe09
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This is a hard one. You totally have a right to be upset, the man you love is going to be away for two months! Dont take it as he wants to be away from you or anything. You almost have to think of it this way - if this is 'something he has to do' would you rather him do it now or would you rather it eat him up later until he leaves you and your kids at home for two months to do this? Maybe you can compromise and have him do one month.
MrsInglima
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Re: FH Advice
I understand why you are upset, I would be really upset too. And it could get in the way of planning, but to play devil's advocate, he comes back in June. You still have two months before the wedding. And if this is something that he feels he *has* to do, you need to let him go and do it. He probably feels that once you two are married it will never happen and it's probably something he's always wanted to do. You need to let him go do it, so that he knows you trust him and will let him do the things he wants in life even after you're married. If you don't, this could become a huge issue for a long time.
Ivyqueenz
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Re: FH Advice
I think you have every right to be upset. I would be too initially. However I wouldn't want to be the one to hold him back from something he really wants to do.
In college my ex didn't want me to travel abroad in England and I put my food down and went. It broke us up but really going to England was the best time in my life. So I can understand how your FH might feel abou tthis trip.
* and I know all of this is much easier said than done so I am sending cause this is a tough decision.
BarbieGrl10
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Yikes.... this is tough. You don't want to tell him no because he could end up resenting you for this in the long run but.... If you say yes... wow.... 2 months... Can he make it shorter? Like 1 month? Can he take that much time off of work?
Sorry you have to deal with this hun!
LnF0405
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This is a hard one, 1st because is so close to the wedding and 2nd because of the duration of it. But for what you explain is something that he is very passionated about it and is something he want to do before the wedding. If it would be me (and this is only my opinion) I will let go and as he say you can meet in the road, you would always know where he is etc. And remember when he come back is time for the wedding and time to start a completely new chapter, also is much better now than when you guys have kids (YKWIM)
